Stupid & Stupider: The Revenge of the Idiots
by Serena Kenobi
Summary: A parody of Revenge of the Sith. Anakin loves detonators and skateboards, Obi Wan's a space pirate, Soda's a Pepsiaholic, Scalpatine's a figurine collector, and Crabme is a neat freak.
1. Which ship is the right one?

Stupid and Stupider: Revenge of the Idiots

By Serena Sache Kenobi

Disclaimer: see my other story.

It was a time of war in the galaxy. General Obi-Wan Kenobi and Commander Anakin Skyflopper were sent on an important mission by the Jedi Council. They were trying to get onto General Fleavous's ship, the _Visible Finger_, to rescue the elderly Chancellor Scalpatine from the ruthless Count Frootloop.

Anakin and Obi-Wan, right now, were in their starfighters in the midst of a large battle, arguing about which ship was exactly Fleavous's flagship.

"It's that one!" Obi-Wan cried, veering sharply to the left, narrowly missing an oncoming X-wing.

"No, it's that one!" Anakin argued, flipping over and dropping to the right.

"How can you tell?" Obi-Wan shouted back, dodging droids. "The _Visible Finger _is black! Any sane and knowledgeable Jedi would know that, of course!"

"Well from my point of view, it's grey!" Anakin retorted, suddenly firing on a nearby grey ship. Unfortunately, is was one that was on his own side. He giggled maniacally when it blew to smithereens.

"Well then you are lost!" Obi-Wan screamed angrily, and pushed the button that blew up the black ship right in front of him. That ship was also on their side, but he didn't know that, being the stupid person that he was. "This is getting us nowhere," he continued with Forced calmness. (Yes, he did use the Force to calm himself down, it _was_ a play on words)

Anakin nodded curtly. "I agree, bad idea," he replied. "I'm going in."

Obi-Wan was confused. "What? Where exactly are you going into?" he asked.

"Use your feelings, and find him you will!" Anakin shouted randomly.

Obi-Wan stared. "Ohhhkayy then!" he said, "I'm not gonna ask what that meant."

"Good," Anakin replied. He had a very bad habit of shouting random things out, blowing up ships for no good reason, and using the Force at unneeded (and unwanted) times. "Hey Buzz!" he suddenly shrieked, causing Obi-Wan to bang his head on his cockpit ceiling.

"In the name of!" Obi-Wan yelled, furious. "What's gotten into you, Anakin!"

Anakin pursed his lips together. "Uh-hum, food, food, and... more food!" he replied brightly. "But that's not he point. I was just saying hi to Buzz!"

"Who's Buzz?" Obi-Wan inquired, raising his eyebrows.

"Mr. Buzz droid over there," Anakin stated matter-of-factly. He then zoomed in front of another ship and blew it up. "You're not the boss of me now, you're not the boss of me now," he sang, rather off-key, "You're not the boss of meee now and you're nooot sooo biiig... life is unfaaaiiiirr!"

Obi-Wan groaned. "What did I do to deserve this?" He asked himself, throwing a huge pity-party.

"THERRRRE IT IS!" Anakin yelled, pointing to the _Visible Finger_. "I found it before yoouuuu did, I found it before youu did!" he chanted.

Obi-Wan growled, very annoyed. "Blast! This is why I hate flying!" he roared, pushing the accelerator button. "Let's get a move on and blow this pop stand! Move in, move in!" he ordered.

"But why can't I just blow it up?" whined Anakin.

"We're trying to resuce the Chancellor, not blow him into oblivion!" Obi-Wan reminded him angrily.

Anakin felt stupid. But then, he _was_ stupid, so I guess that's only natural for him to _feel_ stupid. "Oh. Right then," he tittered, embarrassed. "Neeevermiiind."

The two starfighters sped towards the ship, picking up speed.

"TO INFINITY AND BEEYOND!" Obi-Wan shouted in a deeper voice, putting his hands in front of him.

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Stupid Jedi Master," he muttered. "Yo, 'Bi-Wannie," he spoke up punkishly, "whein d'ya think we shoul' be deactivatin' dose shields? They're still up, ya know."

Obi-Wan felt stupid. That was only natural, of course. "Um... right, well, why don't you blow up the shields and be done with it?" he said, trying to blame Anakin for his failure.

"I'd luuuve to, mastah," Anakin drawled, and carelessly blew up a quarter of the ship. The only downside was that the doors to the hangar bay were closing quite quickly.

"We're gonna die!" Obi-Wan shrieked, panicking as he saw the doors closing upon him.

Anakin was miffed that his old master didn't think that he could do anything about it. "Not if anything to say about it, I have," he retorted, and blew up the doors.

"Don't steal Yoda's lines!" Obi-Wan yelled in pure rage.

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	2. ObiWan a Space Pirate! Gasp!

Disclaimer: First see the chapter before this, and then go to where it tells you to go. OK?

Read and enjoy!

Anakin was offended. "Why in the heck would I WANT that old geezer's wrinkles?" he screeched, "I have my perfectly handsome and jaw-dropping reputation to keep up, here!"

Obi-Wan slapped his forehead in disgust. "What I _meant_ to say was," he began, "is that–" He was cut off abruptly by the sound of the hangar bay doors slamming shut behind them with a deafening BOOM!

He shrieked wildly, never liking loud noises, and leaped thirty-plus feet into the air, bursting out of his starfighter cockpit. He then drew out his lightsaber, ignited it, and chopped down everything that was in his way, not looking at what he was cutting. Maybe he was too frightened to care, or maybe... he just simply didn't care. Probably that was the reason.

Anakin's ship screeched to a halt on the hangar bay floor, and he giggled loudly as he snatched some mini thermal detonators, just in case he had a craving for blowing something up, which was about every ten minutes or so. He jumped down from his ship merrily, in quite good spirits, and skipped over to Obi-Wan, who continued his droid massacre. When he got to his former master, almost all of the droids had been killed. Only a few exceptionally smart ones pretended to be dead and dropped to the floor, groaning in feigned agony. They completely over-exaggerated their performance, forgetting that droids weren't supposed to groan that much while being destroyed.

But of course, Obi-Wan and Anakin were too incredibly _stupid_ to notice any of those certain details.

Anakin pulled his hood low over his eyes, regretting tremendously that he had forgotten his beloved black fedora back at home. He suspiciously suspected that Crabme, his cleaning freak wife, had been wearing it when he wasn't at home. She liked hats very, very, very much, and had an entire collection of them. She also had a large collection of weapons, some of which she confiscated from the Jedi temple (Mace Windu had always wondered why they were short on lightsabers around there), some she bought over the galactic internet, and some she had gotten from her friends, who knew all the best places to get them at low cost. One blaster pistol looked extremely like Jango Fett's, but Anakin had never been sure.

Anyways, Anakin pulled his hood low over his eyes and wriggled his eyebrows up and down, pointing his fingers at Obi-Wan, who was quite out of breath from his little 'droid-destroying' escapade.

"Yo, how's you snazzy Jedi fella doin' deese days?" Anakin asked in a low voice.

Obi-Wan stared at him, still wildly panting for breath.

Anakin sniffed, put back at his old master's nonchalant behavior towards him. "Oh get a breathalyzer," he snapped, enraged, and stalked off over to Artu-tu, his little astro droid, who was waiting patiently for the both of them to quit acting like loonies and get over there.

Anakin swaggered over to the little droid and snapped his fingers at him. "Wha info d'ya got fo me, lil' blue?" he asked lazily, drawing out a cigar and lighting it, trying to look cool, but ending up looking rather stupid. Is it just me, or is this getting to be a habit of some sort?

He began violently coughing as soon as he inhaled the smoke, and pounded his chest furiously.

Obi-Wan whisked up next to him and grabbed the cigar out of Anakin's hand, quickly letting it drop to the ground. He then stomped on it until it was a little pile of ash and dust, and then turned to his former apprentice, who had turned incredibly blue from lack of air.

"Oh go get a breathalyzer," Obi-Wan muttered, and huffily walked over to Artu-tu to find out where Scalpatine was being held prisoner.

Anakin glowered and followed him, glowering. Wait, did I just say that twice? "It's all Obi-Wan's fault," he glowered. Oops, there I go again.

"He's jealous!" Anakin continued, yelling suddenly, "He's holding me back!" He threw a detonator against a wall and watched it blow up with pleasure. Obi-Wan waited for his little outburst to be over, unfazed by his former Padawan's crazy (need I mention incredibly stupid) actions. He turned back to Artu-tu and saw that Scalpatine was being held prisoner on the observation deck at the top of the spire.

"According to the Code of the Brethren, set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew, we should find the Chancellor up on the observation platform," Obi-Wan told Anakin.

Anakin turned to him, freaked. "What pirates?" he asked, bewildered. "What Code of the Brethren? Who's Morgan and Bartholomew, anyways?"

Obi-Wan turned two shades of red, embarrassed by his stupid mistake. Am I the only one sensing a pattern, here? "Um, what I meant to say was that–" he tried to explain.

"LIAR!" Anakin roared, igniting his lightsaber, "You told me that you were never a space pirate! I knew it! I knew it all along!"

Artu-tu beeped in annoyance at the two buffoons.

Obi-Wan glanced at the droid. "He's right, Anakin, we should go find Scalpatine," he put in hurriedly, "There's no time." And with that he quickly scurried down the hallway in search of the elevator.

Anakin growled in fury and made up his mind to follow him, deciding that there might be more things to blow up along the way.

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	3. Eeevil Sith Ration Bars and Fleavous!

Well, here's the next chapter. ENJOY!

Disclaimer: First go to the chapter before this one and do what it says. It will lead you to where you want to go. Trust me.

Back to the Stupidity With Chapter 3!

General Fleavous, the mostly droid general, strode down the hallway towards the bridge. "Uh, AHEM!" He cleared his throat, which he was doing constantly.

"Excuse you," a droid spoke up.

He glared at it and shoved it to the side. "Stupid little battle droid," he wheezed, speeding up his pace.

"Excuse me," the droid said, rather miffed.

Fleavous ignored it completely and walked in front of the Teaimoidian captain. "Ah, AAHEMM!" he cleared his throat again, which resulted in the captain's sudden awaking. "I didn't steal the credits!" he yelled, leaping up from his chair. He blushed and felt very foolish, shrinking down a little bit before Fleavous.

Fleavous stared at him angrily. "What are you going to do about the Jedi, captain?" he asked, very annoyed.

"Uh, um, I don't know, ask him!" The captain pointed to the nearest droid.

Fleavous gave the droid a withering look before turning back to the captain. "Are you tracking them?" he continued.

"Uh, um, I don't know, ask him!" the captain cried, pointing yet again to the same droid, who looked up.

"What?" it said, not realizing what was going on.

Fleavous rolled his yellow eyes and shouted, "NOTHING OF YOUR CONCERN! AUGHHH, AAAHHEMM!" He cleared his throat very loudly before yet again turning back to the captain. "What's the situation, CAPTAIN!" he shouted furiously, ready to squash the captain right into the ground.

"Uh, um, I don't know, ask him!" the captain shrieked before fainting dead away on the floor of the bridge.

The droid looked up again. "What?"

Fleavous chopped of its head with pure hatred. "Track the Jedi and send destroyer droids after them!" he ordered angrily.

"Yes'm," one droid replied.

Fleavous narrowed his eyes at it. "What did you say?" he hissed.

"Yes'm," the droid repeated.

"I am NOT a woman!" Fleavous shrieked, just before chopping that droid's head off as well. The other droids skittered quickly away to avoid being chopped up. Some incredibly stupid droids pretended to fall down, destroyed, and used the same fake groans as they dropped on the bridge floor.

Fleavous kicked all of them. "I know you're not AHHEMM! Dead! Back to your stations at ONCE!" he bellowed furiously, clenching his fists.

The disappointed droids slowly got back up and returned to their work.

* * *

Anakin and Obi-Wan were at the elevator, waiting for it to open. Obi-Wan tapped his foot and sighed, and then checked his watch. "HOLY COW!" he shrieked, "It's nearly five o'clock already! My dinner time! I want food! I want food!" he stamped his foot impatiently.

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Here's an extra ration bar," he said tiredly, flinging it at his former master.

Obi-Wan caught it and looked at it suspiciously. "It won't turn me into a Sith, will it?" he asked, turning it over in his hands.

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Anakin yelled, "You think EVERYTHING I give you to eat will turn you into a Sith? Can't you just trust me for once and eat it!"

Obi-Wan looked at him carefully, and then looked back at the bar. "Well... if I begin to turn evil, you're the one I'm going to blame!" he warned Anakin before chomping the entire thing down in one gulp.

Anakin again rolled his eyes before spotting two destroyer droids rolling towards them. He grinned evilly. "Showtime!" he screamed suddenly, causing poor Obi-Wan to choke on the rest of his ration bar.

"Bin bre brame brof!" (In the name of!) Obi-Wan shouted with his mouth full, glaring at Anakin, who reddened sheepishly. Obi-Wan gulped the rest of his food down and continued, "Anakin! How many times have I told you to stay away from power couplings!"

Anakin stared at him blankly. "Come again?" he asked, ignoring the Droidekas, who were just sitting there, waiting for the two of them to put down their weapons.

"Uh, uh, what I _mean_ to say is..." Obi-Wan began, knowing he had made yet another stupid mistake. Geez, this is getting quite popular for them, isn't it? "Um, how many times have I told you to stay away from ration bars?" he said hopefully.

Anakin blinked.

"Orrrr not," Obi-Wan muttered, and tried again. "To stay away from food? Meals? Snack time? Dinner? Ummm..." he rubbed his beard with a hand.

"Droidekas?" Anakin put in helpfully, and motioned to the two destroyer droids who sat there waiting.

Obi-Wan snapped his fingers. "That's the one!" he said, brightening up immediately. He then glanced at the destroyer droids. "Quick, into the elevator!" he shouted, and turned quickly, only to slam his face right into the elevator door. Fortunately for him, the elevator door suddenly opened. Unfortunately for him, he then fell flat on his face into the elevator with a loud THUMP!

Anakin grabbed a detonator, threw it at the droids, and laughed evilly as he watched them blow to pieces. He darted into the elevator, rubbing his hands gleefully like some mad scientist who had just successfully tested his mad experiment. "Ooh, fun fun fun fun FUN!" he cackled, ignoring Obi-Wan's unconscious form on the floor, and the troop of battle droids right behind him.

"Uh, hands up Jedi!" a droid said, pointing his gun at Anakin, who stopped laughing and frowned, angered at being interrupted from his joy. He turned around and shouted randomly, pointing behind the droids, "Your swords PLEEASE!"

The droids glanced behind them, expecting an army of Jedi or something like that, and were instantly cut to pieces by Anakin's lightsaber. _Why_ they would think that a whole army of Jedi could fit into the elevator with them, I'll never know. Maybe they were just really, really, really, REALLY stupid.

Anakin sighed with contentment and pressed the button for the elevator to go.


	4. I am NOT gullible!

Heere's the next chapter, people! Ready and enjoy the stupidy and idiocy!

Disclaimer: First go back to Chapter one, and then do what it says. Sound Cool wit you?

"Ohh... my head," Obi-Wan moaned, slowly beginning to wake up from his delirium. With great difficulty, he managed to get up, and looked around him, finally noticing that Anakin was not there and that there was a huge hole in the ceiling. "Stupid Anakin," he muttered, "Always has to blow something up." He turned around and then noticed that the elevator wasn't working. "Stupid elevator!" he cried, and dug around in his pocket for the comlink. After finding a few empty candy bar wrappers and a couple of old _The Best Jedi_ magazines, which he quickly discarded, he finally found what he was looking for.

"These aren't the droids you're looking for!" Anakin suddenly shouted, dropping in behind him with a grin on his face.

"IN THE NAME OF!" Obi-Wan screamed, whisking around and igniting his lightsaber, ready to go into 'crazy massacring attack' mode. "Anakin, what's gotten into you!" he yelled furiously, not wanting to admit that he was scared half to death by his old Padawan.

Anakin tapped his chin. "I think you already asked me that..." he said, thinking hard.

Obi-Wan reddened. "Er, yes, well, whatever," he replied shortly, and put his lightsaber back into his belt. "What took you so long?" he asked, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Oh you know master, I couldn't find an elevator that I really liked," Anakin drawled on, "With the coolest buttons... and the right speed capabilities..."

Obi-Wan slapped him upside his head. "Well then why don't you listen to me!" he snapped.

"Ow," Anakin muttered, rubbing his head. "No loose wire jokes!" he shouted back.

Obi-Wan stared at him. "Did I say anything?" he asked incredulously.

"He's trying," Anakin shot back.

"I didn't say anyth- hold on a second, _who's_ trying?" Obi-Wan asked, befuddled.

"Artu-tu, he's trying to get the elevator started up again, I think that Count Frootloop or General Fleavous has purposely stopped it just so that we can't rescue the Chancellor," Anakin explained. "And I DO listen to you," he glowered.

Obi-Wan sighed. "Going in elevators is for droids," he complained, "it takes so darn long for it to start. In my opinion, it should start like this!" And with that he snapped his fingers.

WHOOSH! The elevator instantly charged downwards at a intensifying speed that caused Obi-Wan and Anakin to crash to the floor.

"What in the-" Anakin began, "How did you do that?" he stared at Obi-Wan with a new respect.

Obi-Wan shrugged sheepishly. "Dunno, maybe I'm all-powerful," he suggested.

"You're not all-powerful, Obi," Anakin argued, shaking his head emphatically.

"WELL I SHOULD BE!" Obi-Wan yelled back at him.

Anakin sighed, and only just then did he remember that they were supposed to being going _up_, not down. "Uh, oops," he said, and snatched the comlink from Obi-Wan, who was fuming. "Artu-tu, quick, make us go up, we need to go up, not down. Hurry!"

Artu-tu beeped indignantly, greatly annoyed at Anakin for being so incredibly (you guessed it) _stupid_.

Obi-Wan leaned in to hear what the little blue droid was saying. "What's going on?" he questioned Anakin, raising his eyebrows.

Anakin listened to Artu-tu ranting on about how stupid and exasperating the two of them were. After a few more seconds of this, he quickly switched it off. "Well, Artu-tu says that we only have to press the 'up' button, and it'll go up. Do ya think that'll work?"

Obi-Wan eyed the elevator panel with suspicion. "I have a baaad feeling about this," he said grimly.

Anakin rolled his eyes and sighed. "Don't be such a jumpy Jedi," he chastised him, walking over to the panel, "It's not going to hurt you or anything!" He pressed the up button and was given a slight shock. "KaJiminey Blasters!" he yelped, "that hurt!"

Obi-Wan chuckled. "Eeee hee hee hee hee..." he snickered, finding the situation quite amusing.

"Shut yer pie hole, dumb bat!" Anakin barked at him, massaging his burnt fingers carefully.

Obi-Wan pouted and crossed his arms. "Well, are we going up yet?" he asked, tapping his foot again.

Anakin shrugged. "Dunno, don't care," he replied nonchalantly. "We'll get to Chancellor Scalpatine soon enough."

At that moment, the doors opened, and Anakin suddenly rushed out, taking in deep breaths of air. "FREEEEDOOOMMM!" he shouted extremely loudly, waving his arms around in the air.

Obi-Wan, intent on keeping his dignity, brushed himself off carefully and calmly walked over to where Anakin was, and saw the Chancellor seated in a chair with bonds on his wrists. He then punched Anakin in the arm and strode down the stairs, with an angry former Padawan on his heels, and bowed before the Chancellor. "Your Excellency," he acknowledged smoothly.

"We didn't expect to see you here," Anakin piped up stupidly. "What a surprise!"

Obi-Wan glared at him. "Well where did you expect to see him, you idiot, he is the reason we GOT on this ship in the first place!" he yelled, frustrated.

Anakin pouted miserably. "Whatever," he muttered. "Let's just get out of here."

"The dreaded Count Frootloop!" Chancellor Scalpatine unexpectedly gasped, a pained and mock frightened look on his elderly face.

The two Jedi glanced at each other. "Now he's really lost it," Obi-Wan stated rather disappointedly.

"Aw, stuff and pickles," Anakin agreed regretfully, snapping his fingers.

Scalpatine was annoyed. "No, no, no, Count Frootloop is right there! Behind you!"

"You don't think we're stupid enough to fall for that ol' trick, do ya, Scalps?" Anakin laughed.

Obi-Wan glanced behind him. "NO! He's right! Look!"

Anakin whisked around. "Where? Where is he? I'm gonna kill him!"

Obi-Wan burst out laughing, pointing at Anakin, who looked miffed. "You actually fell for it, my old Padawan!" he chuckled heartily, "I can't believe you're _that_ gullible!"

Anakin was enraged. "This is outrageous!" he stormed. "It's unfair!" He marched over to a nearby seat and plopped down onto it, seething with fury.

Hope you liked it! If you do, I'd veerrrry much appreciate reviews!


	5. The Hiillss are alliive & Frootloop!

Thanks for all the reviews, everyone! If anyone else would like to review, PLEASE DO! I can't live without them!

Disclaimer: I don't know why I even bother with this...

Unbeknownst to the two incredibly _stupid_ Jedi, Count Frootloop was actually there, but they just hadn't spotted him yet. How stupid can you get? The tall and elegant Sith lord was standing there, twiddling his fingers, very bored. He turned to one of his droids. "What if I were to tell you that the Senate was controlled by the Dark lord of the Sith?" he asked, furrowing his brows.

The droid turned to him. "Yes, sir," it replied, before turning back.

Count Frootloop was furious. "That wasn't an order, that was a question, you idiot!" he shrieked wildly.

Obi-Wan heard the commotion, and his jaw dropped in utter surprise when he saw that Count Frootloop was REALLY there! "Horrors and hard drives!" he gasped, "It's Count Frootloop!"

Anakin rolled his eyes. "How can you be on the council and NOT be a master?" he shouted randomly.

Scalpatine stared at him blankly, and Obi-Wan whisked around to face him. "We have a job to do!" he bellowed, "COME TO YOUR SENSES!"

Count Frootloop was oblivious that the Jedi were there, and continued to argue with the droid, whose only reply was "Yes, sir."

"Hundreds of Senators are now under the influence of a Dark lord called Darth Sidiot!" Frootloop said darkly, trying to lower his voice to make it sound more grim and scary. He wiggled his eyebrows up and down, hoping to create a 'Sith Lord' effect.

The droid turned again to him. "Yes, sir," it repeated monotonously.

Count Frootloop was enraged. "ARGGH! I give up!" he screamed madly, and flipped down onto the floor, drawing his lightsaber. He suddenly noticed Obi-Wan and Anakin, who was humming the tune 'The Sound of Music'.

"The HIIILLLS are ALLLIIIVE! With the sound of muuusiiic..." Anakin burst into singing, off-key again, and stood up, spinning around dramatically.

Obi-Wan ignored him, keeping his gaze focused on Frootloop, who looked rather horrified at the sight of Anakin, and drew out his lightsaber.

Chancellor Scalpatine winced every time Anakin tried to go into a higher note, and was clenching his hands extremely tightly on his chair rests. "I-can't-hold-on-any-longer," he hissed, squeezing his eyes tightly when Anakin tried a high 'C', which ended up sounding like someone had dumped fuel inside his lungs and he was screeching for air.

Obi-Wan was muttering murderous threats under his breath, holding his lightsaber in a death grip, all the while staring at Count Frootloop, who was by this time holding his ears in pain.

"MAKE IT STOP!" Frootloop bawled, dropping to the floor, "MAKE IT STOOPP! HEELP!"

"Count Frootloop," Obi-Wan said coldly, "You're shorter than I expected."

Of course Frootloop _did_ look shorter, but that was only because he was on his knees. Obi-Wan was, yet again, too incredibly _stupid_ to know that.

Obi-Wan suddenly charged head on at Count Frootloop, who gasped at the sight of him and ignited his red lightsaber. He had wanted it to be a bright turquoise, but his master, Darth Sidiot, had said no. So, in the end, he had to settle for plain 'ol red.

Anakin saw Obi-Wan battling with Frootloop, and instantly began to whine while running towards the two of them. "I thought you wanted us to take him together, Obi-Waaaan," he complained, trying to slash Frootloop with his lightsaber.

"Well, I would have, but I didn't want to interrupt your little 'performance'," Obi-Wan replied dryly.

"But I like to sing!" Anakin protested, "You would too, if only you tried. You have talent, you have a great voice, but you don't use them."

Count Frootloop glanced at the young knight. "Do you sing like that all the time?" he questioned curiously. Chancellor Scalpatine leaned forward to hear Anakin's answer.

"Why of course!" Anakin gushed, "I ABSOLUTLEY love to sing! La la la, la dee dee daa!" he sang, squeaking at some of the higher notes.

Count Frootloop winced before turning to Obi-Wan, who had an unaffected look on his face. "I feel your pain, man," he said, feeling bad for him.

Obi-Wan's face crumpled. "Aww, thanks dude," he said, "that really makes me feel better."

"How can you STAND it?" Frootloop asked in wonder.

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Ya get used to it," he replied.

By this time, Chancellor Scalpatine had passed out dead away, after learning that Anakin sang like that all the time. His hopes of making him a Sith lord were seriously shaken.

Frootloop, Obi-Wan, and Anakin continued their duel, until Frootloop decided to put Obi-Wan out of his misery and end it for him. He quickly leaped up and kicked him into a railing. Obi-Wan was knocked out immediately.

"One down, one to go," Frootloop muttered.

Anakin stared defiantly at him. "My gymnastic skills have doubled since the last time we met, Frootloop," he said, determined.

"Good," Frootloop replied, "Twice the height, double the fall on your butt."

Anakin gasped. "You turned him against me!" he screamed loudly.

"Turned who against who?" Frootloop asked wildly, not understanding him at all.

Anakin giggled. "Don't you know a random comment when you see one?" he snickered.

Frootloop shook his head. "I've never seen one before," he admitted.

"Hey, I'm over there!" Anakin suddenly shouted, pointing behind Count Frootloop.

The count whisked around, and Anakin kicked him in the stomach, sending him flying over to where the Chancellor was.

"Don't let him kill me!" Scalpatine squealed, cringing in pretended fear.

Count Frootloop and Anakin stared at him. "Dude, like, get a grip, man," Anakin chastised. He then hopped down next to Frootloop to meet his up-and-coming destiny.

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	6. The death of Frootloop & ObiWan Really?

Ok, thanks for ALL the reviews, people! SO MUCH!

Here's the next chapter...

Anakin quickly swung around to Frootloop, who was looking more scared by the minute, and then suddenly broke into one of his favorite songs. "Cliiiiimmb eevery moutaaaaiin..." he screeched, "Fooooord eeevery streeaammm..." he twirled his lightsaber around and around, trying to create a dramatic effect again.

Count Frootloop shrieked loudly and dropped to the floor, covering his ears. "NNNOOOOO!" he screamed in agony, writhing around in pain.

Anakin, oblivious to everything going on around him, continued to sing very, very loudly. "Untillll youu fiiiiind...!" he yelled, very off-pitch, and swung his lightsaber around once more, not even bothering to look at where his lightsaber was going.

WHAP! Off with his head! Count Frootloop's head rolled to the floor, and his body dropped with it.

"Youuurr...dree- whoops!" Anakin suddenly said, noticing the dead body of Frootloop on the floor. He glanced at the Count, and then the Chancellor, who was snoring up a storm by now, and then looked at his hands. "I'm a muuurdererrrr!" Anakin shrieked in utter horror. "What have I done!"

"Huh," Scalpatine suddenly snorted, waking up. He tried to rub his eyes, but was still held down by the bonds. He snarled and saw Anakin staring in shock at the dead body of Frootloop, and wondered what had happened. "Uh.. you're fulfilling your destiny..." he said commandingly, having no clue whatsoever what had transpired.

Anakin stared at him blankly. "Come again?" he asked.

"Never mind," Scalpatine said tiredly, "Just get me out of these things, won't you?"

Anakin dug another detonator out of his pocket. "Why don't I just..." he began.

"Uh, NO NO NO NO NO NO!" Scalpatine screamed, "Don't use that, you idiot, it'll blow me up!"

Anakin raised an eyebrow. "That's the point," he replied.

Scalpatine gasped. "You, you want to _kill_ me?" he said in astonishment. "But, I thought we were friends! I have raised you since you were a small boy..."

Anakin snickered. "Yeah right," he chuckled. "AS IF!" he laughed merrily and used the Force to undo his bonds.

The chancellor looked at him warily before getting up. "Well... uh, thanks," he said, not sure what to make of the situation. He rubbed his wrists, which were extremely wrinkled. "We must leave, before more security droids arrive," he said, and hurried past Anakin.

"Eh, I'll just blow 'em up," the Jedi Knight replied cheerfully, pocketing his detonator. He then rushed over to Obi-Wan, who was lying there unconscious. "No...no..." he sobbed, "He's DEEEAAADD! DEADD!" he cried. "Don't leave me here alone! Don't go where I can't follow!" he cradled Obi-Wan in his arms, rocking him.

Chancellor Scalpatine watched the scene with disgust. "Yecchhhh," he said, and suddenly walked up to Anakin and kicked him in the butt. "GET UP, YOU WORTHLESS IDIOT!" he shrieked angrily, going red in the wrinkled old face.

Anakin looked up at him with puppy eyes, sniffling. "But... but.. he's deaaaaheaaheaadd!" he wailed, "He's gone to a place I can't gooo.. I'll never see him again! He's dead he's dead he's dead HE'S DEEEAAAD!" He threw back his head and cried tears of anguish. Most of them dropped onto Obi-Wan, who was still unconscious.

"There's no time!" Scalpatine screamed furiously, "we must go, yes, we must go at once!"

"I shouldn't..." Anakin replied sadly, looking back at Obi-Wan with a look of torn despair on his face.

"Do it!" Scalpatine hissed.

Anakin sniffed. "Well, all right.." he said, and picked up Obi-Wan's body, wanting to give him a proper burial. He actually was planning to blow him up when he got back to Coruscant using his newest high-charged detonator he had bought on the holonet, but, no matter.

Scalpatine was in a hurry to get going, but Anakin had to first put Obi-Wan's lightsaber back in his belt. The Chancellor stood there, tapping his foot impatiently.

"But you owe me one," Anakin continued to the Chancellor, "And not for saving your skin for the tenth time."

"Ninth time," Scalpatine corrected, "That business in Cato Neimoidia doesn't – doesn't count."

Anakin raised an eyebrow in confusion. "WHAT business in Cato Neimoidia?" he asked, frowning.

The Chancellor thought for a second. "Uh...uh...uh...uh..." was all that came out of his mouth, which was also wrinkled.

Anakin sighed and snatched a mini detonator in case he needed to blow something else up. When Scalpatine saw it, he edged slowly and cautiously farther away from him, not wanting to be a target again.

The two hurried to the elevator, which wasn't working.

"Fleavous," Anakin stated, instantly blaming the droid general for the non-working elevator.

Scalpatine stared at him. "What about him?" he asked in bewilderment.

Anakin glared at Scalpatine, annoyance clearly written on his face (Which wasn't wrinkled or red, by the way). "I _said,_ Fleavous," Anakin repeated in irritation, and turned back to the elevator, saying nothing more.

Scalpatine looked at him blankly. "Well, what about Fleavous?" he asked again, growing frustrated.

Anakin sighed and rolled his eyes. "Fleavous!" he said louder, digging his fingers into Obi-Wan's tunic.

"WHAT ABOUT FLEAVOUS?" Scalpatine hollered, waving his arms wildly in the air.

Anakin sighed again. "Forget it!" he yelled, and began muttering under his breath. "Stupid elevator, stupid Fleavous, stupid Scalpatine, stupid Obi-Wan, stupid..." And the list kept going, my friends. For a long, long time.

Scalpatine had a rather 'freaked out, mon' look on his wrinkled face, and took a few large steps away from Anakin.

Reviews, reviews!


	7. The wonderful shaft of the elevator

Thanks for all the reviews, everybody! If you review some more, I'll post more chappies!

To Kekelina : When you laugh up your gut, try the 'Humorus Fanfiction' policy! You might get a great rate this time of the year! He he he!

Without further adue, I give you... THE NEXT CHAPTER! MWA HA HA HA! Sorry, I'm weird.

Anakin sighed with irritation and dug in his pocket for his comlink to call Artu-tu. "Yo, lil' blue, getcha butt ovah heah an' star' da elly!" he snapped into it. (Translation for what he just said, 'Yo, little blue, get your butt over here and start the elevator!")

Artu-tu beeped furiously, with an occasional raspberry blown in between every sentence.

Scalpatine listened to the droid, but couldn't understand what he was saying. "What's he saying?" he asked Anakin, who sighed again and shut it off abruptly.

Anakin turned to him. "Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose," he replied randomly.

Scalpatine was shocked. "What? Let go? Of my precious authentic and one-of-a-kind platinum tea-stained Darth Plagueis the Wise Figurine? And my custom made ancient Kamino water-sprayed poker set? I cannot, no, I cannot!" he shrieked, pounding his fist on a nearby wall in anger.

WHOMP! At that moment, the ship suddenly began heading straight downward, causing Anakin and Palpatine to be thrown against the back wall. Anakin leaped up and entered the elevator doors, just as they were opening, and pulled himself upward.

Scalpatine had managed to latch himself onto Anakin's leg, and followed him into the elevator doorway. They stood up and began running down the elevator shaft.

"By Sith!" Scalpatine shouted, "I don't know my own strength!" He took this opportunity to flex a bicep, which was wrinkled and flabby, with no bone showing whatsoever. Obviously a sign of eating to many double chocolate fudge cakes with oodles of whipped cream.

"The bear went over the mouuntaaiin, the beeaarr went over the mouunntaaainn, the bearr went over the mouttaAAAINNN!" Anakin shrieked as they ran down the shaft, "TO SEE WHAAAT HE COULD SEEEEEE!"

"Egads, NOT THIS AGAIN!" Scalpatine screamed at the top of his lungs and pulling his very thin hair, "ANYTHING but this!"

Anakin pouted. "But I thought you liked my singing," he replied stupidly.

Scalpatine shook his head enthusiastically 'no'.

Anakin shrugged. "Fine then," he snapped, "I'll just find some OTHER people to hang out with that _appreciate_ my wonderful singing talents."

"Good-hah-for-hah-you-hah," Scalpatine panted, wheezing for breath.

"Yesa, ita isa," Anakin beamed proudly, raising his head high in the air trying to look dignified.

BONK! He banged his face right into a loose metal pole that was hanging from the ceiling, and fell flat on his face. Like Master, like Padawan. Both incredibly and completely stupid.

"AAHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAA!" Scalpatine guffawed wildly, pointing at Anakin, nearly doubling over with insane laughter.

Obi-Wan suddenly awoke to find Anakin lying on top of him and the Chancellor tittering up a storm. "Did I miss something?" he asked blankly.

Anakin growled and hopped up, glaring daggers at the Chancellor, who was by this time rolling around on the shaft floor.

Obi-Wan looked at the Chancellor, back at Anakin, and back to the Chancellor. "We'll take him together, you go on the right and–"

"No, I'm takin' him now!" Anakin yelled, racing towards the oblivious Chancellor.

"ANAKIN! NOO!" Obi-Wan hollered in protest.

WHEESH! The elevator shaft suddenly tipped right side up, and the three found themselves sliding down the elevator shaft very, very quickly.

Anakin snatched onto a loose wire and held on for dear life. Obi-Wan grabbed onto his waist, and Scalpatine grabbed onto Obi-Wan's nicely polished leather boot.

"Not the boot!" Obi-Wan bellowed, glaring down at the Chancellor, who was looking rather frightened. Obi-Wan tried to kick Scalpatine off of him, but to no avail. The Chancellor stuck to him like glue to a toilet seat. (Does glue stick to a toilet seat?)

"Let. Her. Go!" Obi-Wan yelled again, referring to the boot as 'her'. He fairly obsessed with his boots, and had millions of different pairs.

"I-I..I can't..." Scalpatine moaned, "I'm too weak..."

"INCOMING ELEVATOR!" Anakin suddenly shrieked wildly, eyes wide with fear.

The two arguing idiots looked up quickly to see the elevator zooming towards them. "WE"RE GONNA DIEEE!" They shouted together, not knowing what to do.

"Whatever shall we doo?" Anakin cried pitifully.

"Say our last goodbyes!" Obi-Wan suggested.

"Admit to everyone that you're a Sith lord!" Scalpatine blubbered.

The two Jedi glanced at him incredulously.

"What?" he said innocently, shrugging his shoulders.

Anakin suddenly thought of a wonderful idea. "Throw ourselves a huge pity-party!" he exclaimed, waving his hands in the air.

SHEE-OOOM! (I'm not sure how to describe the sudden movement of sliding down an elevator shaft, so go easy on me, here) Anakin lost his grip of the wire and the three were sent sliding down, down, downwards! To who knows where below.

But luckily for them, an open doorway was coming up very quickly. Unluckily for them, the elevator was almost on top of them, and gaining speed at every second.

"I HAVE IT!" Anakin whooped, "I can blow up the elevator!" He brought out a mini detonator.

Obi-Wan disagreed with the idea. "Hold your fire, you're not helping here!" he barked angrily.

Anakin harrumphed and tossed the detonator (by sheer accident, of course! Yeah right!), which blew up the elevator into teeny tiny little miniscule pieces. The blast of the elevator sent them flying through the open doorway and into a hallway, battered and bruised.

Reviews, reviews, people! I DOTH COMMANDE YE TO REVIEW!


	8. A bad habit of falling flat on your face

Okie dokee people, here's the next chappie of stupidity and insanity! Enjoy!

"Another happy landing," Obi-Wan grinned stupidly.

Scalpatine glared at him. "If you think that was a happy landing, then you-" he started.

"Are stupid?" Anakin interrupted.

"No," Scalpatine continued, annoyed, "You need-"

"To shave your beard off?" Anakin again interrupted, inspecting one of his detonators carefully.

Scalpatine growled menacingly. "NO! He needs to have-"

"A better sense of humor?"

"NO!"

"A new starfighter? Cause I need one."

"ARGGH, NOO! He needs to have his head-"

"Blown to pieces?"

"EXAMINED!" Scalpatine shrieked, ready to throttle Anakin.

Anakin sighed. "Oh, well, he needs that too," he agreed, pocketing his detonator.

"Will you two stop talking about me as if I'm not even here?" Obi-Wan yelled, exasperated.

"Did I hear something?" Anakin asked, cocking his head to one side.

Obi-Wan turned a cherry red with fury, and Scalpatine snickered.

"SHUT UUUP!" Obi-Wan screeched at the Chancellor, who withered away from him.

Anakin hopped up to his feet and dusted himself off. "Time to kick some serious droid butt," he grinned maniacally, and instantly brought out a detonator.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, jumped up quickly, and flounced off, in a very foul mood at the moment.

Anakin watched him tramp down the long hallway, muttering under his breath, "Stupid Anakin, stupid Chancellor, stupid..." You might now observe where Anakin gets most of his extremely bad habits by now.

"Just where d'ya think you're off to?" Anakin shouted, miffed.

Obi-Wan didn't even turn around. "To a happy place," he replied sullenly.

Scalpatine was confused, but Anakin was ecstatic! "Oooooh, Mickey D's, here I come!" He yelled, and bounded off after Obi-Wan, who ignored his former Padawan's ridiculous behavior.

"Hey, waaiit for meeee!" Scalpatine shouted, and ran after Anakin with surprising speed.

FLOMP! He fell flat on his face, tripping suddenly on his long and thick robes.

Both the Jedi turned around and tittered. "Dude, he's so thick," Anakin laughed, pointing at the fallen Scalpatine.

Obi-Wan glared at him. "We will not extend our mandate, my young Padawan learner," he chastised angrily.

"I meant in the interest of protecting him, master, of course," Anakin hurriedly put in.

"Protecting him?" Obi-Wan repeated. "You were the Chosen One! It was said that you would protect the Chancellor, not laugh at him!"

Anakin sulked. "Well, he looks stupid, and it was funny," he mumbled, kicking an imaginary rock on the floor.

WHOMP! He slipped and _also_ fell, but only on his back.

"EEE hee hee hee hee hee!" Obi-Wan chuckled, pointing at him, "NOW who's the stupid one!"

Anakin glared at him and suddenly snatched Obi-Wan's boot and pulled him down with him, causing Obi-Wan to fall flat on his face.

All three of them were now on the floor, moaning and groaning about their falls.

Back on the bridge, General Fleavous had been tracking the Jedi and the Chancellor, and had just witnessed the embarrassing falls of all three of them. He was doubling over with loud laughter, thinking of how stupid they were, when FLOOMP! He suddenly slipped and fell flat on his face, too.

"Ha ha ha," one very idiotic droid said monotonously, daring to make fun of his commanding officer.

Fleavous leapt up and chopped his head off using tai-chi. 'Hiiiieeeyaaaa!" he yelled, then using a karate chop to cut off both of its legs.

The other droids stepped back, alarmed.

"Uh-oh," one said.

"Roger, roger," the others agreed, and took a few steps back, too.

Fleavous glared at them. "Back to your stations!" He ordered curtly, "And acteeeeevate the Ray shields!"

"Roger, roger," replied most of them, scurrying to obey.

"Roger, Einstein," a malfunctioning droid spoke up.

Fleavous whisked around to face it, startled. "Who's this Einstein fellow?" he hissed, raising an eyebrow. "Yourself, you speak of? Or someone you know?"

The droid nodded a reply. "Yes, sir," it said, and went back to work.

"That was NOT a question, Einstein!" Fleavous barked, pushing it to the side.

"Whoa," the droid said, falling apart on the ground.

Fleavous sighed and resumed his watching of the Jedi and Chancellor Scalpatine.


	9. HAALELUJAH! HAALELUJAH!

Ok, people, heeere's the next chapter! Read, review, and ENJOY!

Disclaimer: I don't know why I even bother...

Ka-ching! The ray shields suddenly came up around the two Jedi and the Chancellor.

"That sound sounded an awful lot like money in those commercials," Obi-Wan remarked, scratching his head.

Anakin giggled, fascinated by the ray shields. "Ooh, it's so pretty, I want to touch it!" he cheeped, poking the shield.

ZAP! It burnt his finger. He shrieked and shoved it into his mouth abruptly, making loud sucking noises.

Scalpatine rolled his eyes and got up. "Do you have a plan B?" he asked sarcastically, looking around him.

POW! Obi-Wan leapt to his feet and delivered the Chancellor a large punch, sending the old man sprawling to the floor. "Special delivery, one super-punch to the face," Obi-Wan said in a sing-song voice.

Scalpatine wiped his bloody nose and sniffed. "But, but, what did I DOOOOO?" he wailed, wringing his hands pitifully.

Obi-Wan observed him coldly. "Stole my line, that's what," he replied shortly.

Scalpatine had an evil look in his eyes. "I WILL SUE YOU!" He screamed, "POWER!"

Obi-Wan rolled up his sleeves, ready to give him another punch.

"You can't!" Anakin yelled, standing up, "He must stand trial!"

"He has control of the Senate AND the courts!" Obi-Wan argued, "He's too dangerous to be left alive to sue!"

"Oh... please, I-I'm too weak," the Chancellor moaned, and put his hand to his head, pretending to faint.

Both Anakin and Obi-Wan turned to him. "SHUT UP!" they snapped in unison.

"HAAAALELUJAH! HAAAALELUJAH!" a sudden chorus came in, singing at the top of their lungs.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, but Anakin smiled, enjoying the very random and unexpected music.

The Chancellor pouted, obviously not the center of attention anymore, and got to his feet.

"Haaieeaaalelujah! Haaieeaaalelujah!" Anakin sang, his voice going up and down.

Scalpatine and Obi-Wan grimaced.

"I have the power to sue the ones you love!" Scalpatine said pleadingly to Anakin.

Anakin gave him a sideways look. "And that's supposed to get my attention how...?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Scalpatine snapped his fingers. "Oh, blast it," he muttered, and plumped on the ground.

Artu-tu rolled in suddenly, beeping in annoyance.

"Artu-tu to the rescue!" Obi-Wan and Anakin shouted together, whisking around to face him.

"HAAAALELUJAH! HAAAAALELUJAH!" The chorus suddenly came back in.

Obi-Wan and Anakin glared at them. "I sense a trap," Obi-Wan remarked.

"Next move?" Anakin asked firmly, eyeing the disappearing singers suspiciously.

Obi-Wan grinned. "Spring the trap," he replied sneakily.

Scalpatine sighed. "Like, what trap?" he asked.

Obi-Wan glanced at him. "What trap? What trap, you ax?" he said.

Scalpatine nodded.

Obi-Wan shrugged. "No clue."

The Chancellor abruptly burst into tears. "I'll never get out of here, never..." he sobbed, smushing his hands to his face.

Obi-Wan bowed his head sadly, and Anakin began to sing sadly and slowly (Not to mention totally off-key, too), "Some...wheeere... ooover the raaaaiinbowwww... bluuuue...biiiirds...flyyyyyy..."

Scalpatine continued to wail and cry, the singing only making him more depressed.

Anakin continued to sing as well. "If biiirds...flyy...over the rainbow, whyy ohhh why caaaan't I..."

By this time tears were streaming down the poor Chancellor's face, and Obi-Wan drew out an extra hankie and handed it to him.

Suddenly, droids appeared on all sides, and one meanly kicked Artu-tu over onto the ground. "You stupid little astro droid," it said, angry.

"What did he ever do to you?" Anakin demanded angrily.

"Yes, sir," the droid stupidly replied.

"Hey! That wasn't a question, you bonehead!" Anakin shrieked, pounding on the ray shield. He screamed in pain when it burnt again, and tried to stuff his fist into his mouth. He actually succeeded in doing it, but began to choke. Obi-Wan came over and pounded his back, forcing the fist out of his mouth.

They were all taken before General Fleavous, who chuckled menacingly as he saw them enter. "Yes, Lord Sidious?" he asked, bowing low.

Scalpatine reddened when the two Jedi stared at him incredulously. "Ah, um, I think you have me mixed up with someone else," he stuttered.

"You're the Sith lord!" Anakin exclaimed furiously, trying to ignite the lightsaber he didn't have.

"Patience," Obi-Wan scolded, "Use the Force. Think."

Anakin sighed. "Sorry, master," he apologized.

"He went in there to hide, not to run," Obi-Wan continued, not having a clue what he was saying.

Anakin raised an eyebrow. "Who went in where?" he asked blankly.

Obi-Wan shook his head, embarrassed. "Never mind, just do what you're told," he replied, and straightened up immediately.


	10. Colonel Obi Wan Dreadobi? Huh?

Thanks for your reviews, yet again! Here's the next chappie, maties! Enjoy, and most importantly... REVIEW!

Master Kenobi's Apprintice: I thank you EVER so much for your reviews! I like the pen name, BTW!

Anakin snuck a glance at Scalpatine, who was looking at them warily. "What do we do now?" he hissed to Obi-Wan, who was staring stupidly at a crack in the ceiling.

"Get some plaster and patch it up as soon as possible," Obi-Wan replied distantly.

Anakin scrunched up his nose and glared at him. "Hey, 'Bi Wannie, can ya hear me? Earth callin' Obi-Wan Kenobi!" he shouted, waving a hand in his former master's face.

Obi-Wan jumped, startled. "In the name of!" he hollered his most famous saying. "Anakin, my allegiance is to the Republic, to democracy!" he shouted at him.

"Yeah," Anakin snorted, "so what? You wanna medal or somethin'?"

Obi-Wan reddened again. "Um, no, that wasn't what I meant," he stuttered, looking down in shame at his boots. "That one needs to be cleaned," he mumbled to himself, and brushed it off with the other boot.

General Fleavous instantly shoved his own face into Obi-Wan's, eyeing him suspiciously. Obi-Wan stared at him, taken aback at his sudden and unexpected deranged behavior.

"Ahh, the Smooth-Talker, Colonel Dreadobi," Fleavous hissed unpleasantly.

"Uh, it's Kenobi," Obi-Wan corrected. "And I'm a General."

"So, we are of the same raaaaank, AaahhEEEM! Issss it not sssoooo, Dreadobi?" Fleavous hooted, pushing his droidish face even closer to Obi-Wan's.

Obi-Wan coughed at the other general's exceedingly bad breath. "I-hack! Guess so-cough!" he choked, doubling over. "And it's-cough! Kenobi-wheeze!"

Anakin, seeing with pain his obviously suffering master, thought that Fleavous was using some kind of stink drug on him. "We don't want to make a mess of things in front of the Chancellor!" he suddenly and randomly shouted out.

Fleavous turned his beady gaze towards Anakin. "Whaaaat mess?" he asked.

Obi-Wan hopped up to his feet, seemingly better. "What mess? What mess, you ax?" he spoke up.

Fleavous nodded, waiting for an explanation.

Obi-Wan shrugged. "No clue," he replied.

"Arrgggghhh!" Fleavous growled, banging on Artu-tu's round top. "I can never get a decent answer out of you fools!"

Screeech! Wail wail wail, Heeeeonnk, heeeeonk, heeeonk, wana wana wana wana Buzzzzzooom! said Artu-tu, using some speeder sounds he had acquired from his numerous trips through Coruscant. Most of those times his master had gotten stopped for speeding, but Anakin had always used Jedi mind tricks on the poor police dude, so he managed to worm his way out of paying the dough.

Anyways, during the confusion that Artu-tu had smartly created, Obi-Wan and Anakin managed to snatch their lightsabers and cut their bonds off. Scalpatine had been very cleverly holding his breath, and now let it out, so his bonds slid off with ease.

"I am a genius!" he cackled, rubbing his hands together.

Meanwhile, the two Jedi began another droid massacre, which was going splendidly, until Fleavous decided to be a party pooper and crash the party.

"Mwa ha ha, time to abandon ship," he wheezed, and crashed through the window.

"Heeeeeiiieeellllp!" Anakin shrieked, clutching to a droid, which was sucked into space. Fortunately for him, Anakin had grabbed onto another droid close by. Unfortunately for him, that droid was also sucked into space, and Anakin was left with no one else but Obi-Wan. He wailed and latched himself onto his former master, sobbing like a baby.

"IN THE NAME OF!" Obi-Wan bellowed at the top of his lungs.

"Heh heh heh heh..." Anakin tittered nervously, looking up at him with large puppy eyes.

The Chancellor pushed the button that sent a cover over the hole, and everyone was able to breathe normally again.

"You're going to need my help on this one, master," Anakin stated, wiping his nose and rising to his feet.

Obi-Wan said nothing, but glared at him and brushed off his clothes, which were very wrinkled. "_Thanks_," he said sarcastically.

"For?" Anakin titled his head, clueless.

BONK! BONK! BONK! BONK! Obi-Wan banged his head against a nearby panel.

"Why master!" Anakin gasped, horrified, thinking that his master was trying to commit suicide. "It's not all that bad!" he tried to calm him down.

"Yes it is yes it is yes it is yes it is..." Obi-Wan repeated over... and over... and over...

Poor Obi-Wan! Vhat Vill Happen Next? Review, review, people! Thanks!


	11. The Rather Large Sombrero of Scalpatine

Well, thank you so much for all of your wonderful reviews! Keep it up!

Harry Potter's Elf Friend: Yes, Anakin IS bugging Obi-Wan! I really do feel bad for him!

Random hippos rock sox: Thank you, I will keep going!

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: You're quite welcome for the reviews on your story, since it is a really good one, I shall continue to do so. I think your idea with Yoda doing back talk slang is genius! I'll do that! Enjoy this chapster!

* * *

Fleavous had managed to climb into an escape pod, and chuckled evilly to himself as he pressed the buttons to launch him out into space. "Ha ha ha ha AAAAHHHHEEMM!" He cleared his throat very loudly in the middle of his gloating. "I have waited a long time for this moment..." he snickered. "Those idiots.." 

Well, he was quite correct about the idiots part, I have to say.

Meanwhilst, Obi-Wan and Anakin sat down in the seats, ready to go in for a landing.

"Do you know where you're going?" Obi-Wan asked Anakin.

Anakin stared at him. "Umm... to my seat?" he motioned dramatically to the nearby empty pilot's chair.

"Oh. Right then." Obi-Wan reddened and cleared his throat.

Anakin glanced at him. "Master, if we keep this chase up any longer, that creep is gonna end up deep fried," he commented randomly.

"Fleavous has already escaped using the escape pods, Anakin," Obi-Wan informed him knowingly.

"So _that's_ why they're called 'escape' pods," Anakin muttered to himself, pressing buttons for no apparent reason whatsoever.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Well duh..." he smacked his forehead with his hand. "Why else would they be called that?"

Anakin shrugged. "Dunno, don't care," he replied nonchalantly, turning back to the pressing of buttons.

The two amused themselves for the next few minutes, with Anakin pressing buttons (I think I've made my point here,) and Obi-Wan reading one of Fleavous's book called "How to look your Best When You're an Creepy-looking mostly droid General". "This is good," he muttered, "Only I'm not a mostly droid general..."

Suddenly Scalpatine came rushing into the room with Artu-tu. Scalpatine had been furiously stuffing his wrinkled face with tortilla chips, salsa, sour cream, and any other Mexican food he had found in the fridge. When he came in, he was twirling around with a Sombrero on, and was doing a remake of the fandango. Draped around his body, he was wearing a brownish Spanish scarf.

"Sabe Samorrrr..." he sang, "No puede carnieste se trepe can palaeeeeseeee... sabe samoorrr... se quede de doo midaaalldooo, no puese.. ya chaaaaaaaaaaa..." ( A/N: I don't know how to spell these Spanish words, they come from a soap opera, so I know they're not spelt right. Sorry!)

Obi-Wan glared at him, looked back at his book, and suddenly with a great Force (He he he... am I good or am I good?), he winged the book at Scalpatine's rather large sombrero.

WHIZZ! The book took the hat right off of Scalpatine's wrinkled head.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" Scalpatine shrieked wildly, waving his wrinkled arms about in the air. "HELLP, WE'RE BEING TAKEN OVER BY HAT-TAKING ALIENS! SOMEBODY HEEEELLLP!" And with that stupid statement, he passed out dead away on the floor.

Obi-Wan snickered.

"What's in your wallet?" Anakin spoke up randomly, still pressing buttons.

Obi-Wan put his hand protectively to his pocket. "Why do you want to know?" he demanded. "What, are ya tryin' to steal something from me?"

Anakin shook his head. "Not you," he replied, annoyed.

Obi-Wan, however, didn't hear him, and continued to rant on. "Because Master Soda always tried to pick my pocket, and that's why he bought five thousand gallons of Pepsi with MY credit card! And then Master Windbag was always telling me to keep more cash in my pockets, or to get my speeder license picture redone, and–"

"Ooh, my head..." Scalpatine groaned. He opened his eyes and looked around frantically. "I've had the most peculiar dream," he remarked to no one in particular, sitting up.

"Fascinating," Anakin muttered.

"It was about this wonderful planet, which had all Mexican things and traditions on it, and I got my picture taken with the Spanish Mariachi band, and they gave me a free sombrero," the Chancellor rambled on.

"How wonderful," Anakin mumbled in annoyance, not wanting to hear all about the dream.

"And then they also gave me this really cool outfit, and I said 'Hola', and they said 'hola', and then I said 'Como estas?' And they said 'muy bien, gracias'," the chancellor babbled on, telling his grand story of the Mexican planet.

"How enthralling," Anakin muttered again.

"And then I said, 'denada', and they said..."

"Shut up," Anakin grumbled, growing more exasperated by the second.

But the Chancellor appeared to not have heard him. "And then do you know what I did? Well I'll tell you what I did. I then went to this Spanish restaurant, and I said 'hola', and the lady said 'hola', and then I said..." he continued.

"Shut...up..." Anakin warned a little bit louder.

Obi-Wan was snoring up a storm by this time.

"And so then I had a bean burrito, and when I asked for some water, I said 'Camarero, mas agua por favor', and then he said..."

"Shut UP!" Anakin shouted angrily.

But the Chancellor, of course, didn't pay AN-y attention to him. "So then I got some more papas, those are potatoes, you know, and then I–"

"SHUT UP! DO YOU HEAR ME, SHUT UP!" Anakin bellowed furiously, slamming his fist down on the panel.

Beep! Beep! Beep! Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! All the other escape pods were suddenly launched into space, thanks to the wonderful brilliance of... dun dun dun DUN! Anakin Skyflopper!

I NOW DOTH COMMANDE YE TO REVIEW! GRACIAS! he he he...


	12. Puffy Whites and Sappy Landings

I AM BACK, PEOPLE! Ahem. So sorry I have taken so long to update, my stupid internet's been down. Well, here's the next chapster!

FAINTbattleCRY: Oh my gosh, I feel so honored! Thanks for putting one of my parts in your profile! I really appreciate it! This chapter will be for you. Enjoy!

not a nice person-go away: Thank you for reviewing! I hope you like this chapster!

The NEXT chapter!

"IN THE NAME OF!" Obi-Wan bellowed, bounding to his feet.

Anakin reddened. "Uh.. oops," he grinned sheepishly, and snatched his comlink. "Artu-tu, Artu-tu," he called frantically.

The lil' blue droid didn't answer, being extremely annoyed.

Chancellor Scalpatine had finally finished his little Spanish story, and now stood up, brushing imaginary dirt off of himself. "Ugh, so uncivilized," he grimaced, disgusted with the Jedi.

"Who?" Anakin asked. "Because if you're talkin' about Obi-Wan here, I totally agree with you, dude."

Obi-Wan glared at him. "Thanks very much, Anakin," he snapped.

"For?" Anakin questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Obi-Wan groaned and plopped back on the couch, covering his forehead with his hand. "What did I do to deserve this.." he mumbled.

"I got no answah for ya, 'Bi-Wannie," Anakin replied sadly, shaking his head in failure.

CRUNCH-A MUNCH MUNCH! MUNCH, MUNCH, AAAA-CRUUNCCH!

Anakin and Obi-Wan whisked around to look at Scalpatine, who grinned sheepishly, his wrinkled old mouth stuffed to the brim with tortilla chips. "Mmwhat's ma matter mith mou?" (What's the matter with you?) he asked, mouth completely full.

The two Jedi grimaced. "Ugh, so uncivilized," Obi-Wan groaned, turning back to the couch.

"I agree," Anakin... uh...um...agreed.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Came the warning signal by the pilot's seat. The Jedi and the Chancellor, along with his bag of tortilla chips, rushed over to the panel and saw that they were coming in to Moronuscant, (Pronounced: Mor-on-uh-scant) very, very quickly.

"Quick, open all matches, extend all caps and dragons," Anakin said hurriedly, pressing buttons like there was no tomorrow. With him being the pilot the other two weren't sure there _was_ going to be a tomorrow.

Obi-Wan and Scalpatine stared at him, obviously freaked out. "Open all what, extend all what and what?" Obi-Wan squeaked, eyes widened with confusion.

"You heard me," Anakin snapped, still pressing buttons.

Scalpatine and Obi-Wan looked at each other, and then back to Anakin, who was ignoring their stares.

"I _think_ he means 'throw open all catches, and bend all maps and flagons," Scalpatine interpreted, straightening his robes pompously before stuffing more chips into his mouth.

Obi-Wan stared at him wide-eyed. "It can't be," he stated, shaken, "It can't be!"

"Well then what DID he say?" Scalpatine snapped angrily, "I was the master interpreter of weird people and future Sith lords at my academy! I think I know what he said, thank you very much!"

Anakin snorted. "Geez, _thanks_ for callin' me a weird person... uh... uh...weird person," he stuttered, not able to think of another name to call Scalpatine.

"Nice comeback, genius," Obi-Wan tittered, rolling his eyes.

Anakin glared at him before whisking around and pressing buttons more furiously than ever.

Obi-Wan plopped down in a seat and twiddled his thumbs, very bored. "Are we there yet?" he whined, staring up at the ceiling again.

"We get there when we get there!" Anakin snapped, swiveling around in his chair in rage.

"Which is when?" Scalpatine asked, filing his wrinkled nails. (Can nails be wrinkled? Dunno.)

"WHEN I SAY SO!" Anakin roared, seething.

"And _do_ you say so?" Obi-Wan questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"I SAY SO!"

"Really?"

"YES!"

"Are you _sure_ you say so?"

"I'M BLASTED SURE I SAY SO!" Anakin screamed, pounding furiously on the panels, causing most of them to sizzle into smoke.

"Juuuusst checking!" Obi-Wan replied merrily, and began to clean his boots.

Anakin was fuming and glaring at Obi-Wan, while Scalpatine laughed. "Good, Anakin, good," he chuckled, still cleaning his nails. He glanced up at Anakin. "Kill him," he spoke suddenly, "Kill him now."

Anakin glared at Scalpatine and abruptly drew out a detonator, all the while keeping his gaze on the Chancellor.

Scalpatine paled, tightening up. "No! Don't kill me, I-I'm too weak!" he squealed, putting his hands in front of his face.

Anakin smiled evilly, and Obi-Wan made a loud and annoying guffaw.

At that moment, the ship broke in two, and the front part holding the three idiots went zooming towards the ground of Moronuscant. But they didn't know it, being too incredibly stupid to realize that very very very very very important and worth knowing detail.

Obi-Wan suddenly happened to glance out the window and noticed that they were speedily flying downwards to the ground of Moronuscant. "Nice day for flying, isn't it," he remarked, twiddling his thumbs.

"Oh, marvelous," Anakin muttered in response, not really paying attention to what his former master was saying.

"And it's also wonderful how we're flying in Moronuscant this time of day, you can really see all the lovely skyscrapers," Obi-Wan continued.

"Simply amazing," Anakin mumbled sarcastically, scribbling on a piece of paper with a glittery bright pink pen he had found earlier.

"And the blue sky dotted with puffy whites makes it look all the more beautiful," Obi-Wan went on.

"Astonishing," Anakin muttered.

Scalpatine looked at Obi-Wan, confused. "Puffy whites?" he echoed. "What are those?"

"Oh, you know, clouds," Obi-Wan replied nonchalantly, still twiddling his thumbs.

Scalpatine nodded knowingly. "Ah," he replied, and flipped another page of his 'People' magazine, where he saw that his favorite actor, George Balooney, was in the new movie 'Dairyana', which also starred Rat Flamin' and Fernanda Feet. "Hmm, I wonder if that's good," he muttered, and went on to read all about it.

SCREEECH! The ship suddenly lurched violently as it hit the ground, which sent the three buffoons flying to the floor.

"AAIIIEEEE!" Anakin shrieked, "I'm going to die!"

"IN THE NAME OF!" Obi-Wan hollered, holding on for dear life to the Chancellor's discarded sombrero. Why, I don't know.

SCCREEECH... the ship slowly to a stop, and the three sighed.

"Another sappy landing," Obi-Wan remarked glumly, rising to his feet and brushing off his boots.

"You can say that again," The Chancellor agreed.

"Another sappy landing."

"I didn't really mean that."

"Well then why did you tell me to say it again?"

"It's just a figure of speech, you idiot!"

"Well how in the galaxy was I supposed to know that! You should say what you mean!"

Scalpatine pouted, snatched his hat back, put it back on his head haughtily, and stormed out of the room.

Anakin and Obi-Wan glanced at each other, shrugged, and followed him towards the exit. On the way there, Anakin drew out a couple detonators and blew up a few more rooms, with Scalpatine shrieking wildly, Artu-tu screaming in annoyance, and Obi-Wan ignoring the entire charade. They were finally put on an air bus that took them to the senate offices.

Well, well, well, since I got so much more writing done, I don't have to even think about this story for AGES! Well, not ages, but I don't have to bother about writing it for a while. I ONCE AGAIN DOTH COMMANDE YE TO REVIEW! He he, I love that.  



	13. Neon Green Froggy PJ's and Frail Organic

Thanks for reviewing! Here's the next chapter!

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"I am freee!" Anakin sang, "Kickin' out o' dat prison, I am frEEEEE!"

The Chancellor sighed dreamily. "Faith Hill is so beautiful," he said wistfully.

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "So what?"

"She's the one who sings that song, you stupid moron," Scalpatine snapped, wrapping himself tighter in his scarf. "Ohh, ahh hack hack!" he said, choking.

The two Jedi snickered.

"SHUT UP!" Scalpatine shrieked, undoing the scarf a little bit. He then marched out of the bus, but tripped on his scarf, tumbling down the stairs.

"Chancellor Scalpatine, are you all right?" Master Windbag asked worriedly.

Scalpatine slowly managed to get up and winced, clutching his back. "Yes, thanks to your two Jedi Knights," he said sarcastically, glaring at Obi-Wan and Anakin, who stopped laughing and looked miffed. "They killed Count Frootloop," he continued.

"You mean _I _killed him," Anakin put in.

Scalpatine sighed. "What-EVER! As I was saying, General Fleavous has escaped yet again, but I assure you, my resolve has never been stronger!" he cackled evilly.

Windbag stepped back a few paces. "Ohhhkayy then," he said, "Nice to have you back then. Goodbye!" he hopped off back to the Jedi temple.

Anakin raced out the door of the bus, eager for reporter attention. "Heere I come to save the DAAAYYY!" he shouted, arms wide open.

Obi-Wan tripped him suddenly, and he went sailing out the door, head over heels.

"Oaff!" he cried, landing flat on his face.

Obi-Wan grinned. "Mwa ha ha ha!" he tittered, "Thank you, I'll be here all week!" He bowed to the newscasters, who began to take pictures of him and ask him questions. "Is it really true that you like to sleep with your plush banana?" One asked.

"And are you really only five feet ten?" said another.

Obi-Wan's wide smile began to fade very quickly as the reporters kept asking questions.

"And didn't you have a girlfriend a few years ago?"

"Was it really you who had a sleepwalking incident and entered a fancy restaurant in you neon green froggy pajamas?"

"Is Obi-Wan _really_ your name, or is it Smoochie-Wan?"

"Are you going bald?"

Obi-Wan's mouth opened, shut, opened again, and shut once more. He suddenly slammed the button to close the door and yelled for the driver to start it up. He zoomed away before anyone else could ask questions.

Anakin, meanwhile, had gotten up to his feet and crept away from the crowds of reporters eager for the latest gossip. He was smirking to himself as he was crossing the large hall, when a voice startled him.

"Ah, Anakin Skyflopper!" A friendly male voice called out.

Anakin whisked around. "I didn't turn to the Dark–" he began, and loosened up. "Oh it's you."

Frail Organic stood there, hands on his belt. "Who else would it be?" he questioned, confused.

Anakin shrugged. "I dunno, Master Soda, Master Windbag, Chancellor Scalpatine, Senator Crabme Dolly-llama... you choose," he said, putting his hands in his pockets.

"I see," Frail said. "Well, I have to go now, so if you'll excuse me," he bowed and walked off, rather freaked.

Anakin gave him a thumbs-up. "Sure, dude," he replied.

A hand suddenly grabbed his arm and yanked him behind a large pillar. "Honey!" Crabme squealed, hugging him tightly.

"Uh, hiya there, Crabby-pie," he said, grinning. "Long time no see."

Crabme rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she said. "So, did you hear the great news?"

Anakin raised an eyebrow in befuddlement. "What news?"

"What news? What news, you ax?" Obi-Wan suddenly said, popping in behind Anakin.

"GAAH! Get out of here!" Anakin yelled, pointing to the nearest exit.

Obi-Wan pouted and shuffled off slowly.

"So, what's the great news?" Anakin continued, turning back to Crabme. "Did you get promoted to Chancellor or something?"

She shook her head. "No. I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico."

Anakin sighed. "Oh. Well that's great hon, but I was hoping it could have been something other than saving money."

"...I also cleaned the house, cleaned the bedroom, and also the temple, the council chambers, and the chancellor's office," Crabme continued helpfully.

"Uh, that's nice too," Anakin said, not really interested.

"And there's also one little teeny tiny eensie weensy teensy minor insignificant not really worth knowing not interesting boring miniscule–"

"Well, what is it?" Anakin interrupted impatiently, tapping his foot.

Crabme took a deep breath. "–infinitesimal diminutive miniature detail that you might possibly probably maybe sometime this year or month or day or minute–"

"Crabme!"

"– want to know."

Anakin looked at her expectantly. "Yesss? What is it?"

Crabme grinned a cheezy...uh... grin. "I'm having an infant!"

Anakin stared at her blankly. "What's that? Is it some type of party or something?" he asked stupidly.

"NO!" she slapped him on the arm. "It's a baby, you idiot!"

Anakin winced. "Well why on earth didn't you say so in the first place?" he whined.

"I DID say so!"

"No, you said an infant."

"Same thing, genius!"

"Why thank you, I am. But how was I supposed to know that?"

"Any SMART person would know!"

"You're saying I'm not smart!"

"You never did get high grades in school, Ani. And the Jedi once had to explain to you what a planet was."

Anakin pouted. "Hey, I resent that."

Crabme threw up her hands. "Ugh, fine! Be that way! But when this little one comes, _you're_ going to be the one to change its diapers!" She stalked off.

"I'll get Cheapio to do that!" he called out. "After all, he _is_ a protocol droid!"

Crabme gave him a withering look before getting into her speeder and zooming off. "TO INFINITY AND BEEYOND!" she hooted in a commanding voice.

Anakin watched her speed off suspiciously. "Now where have I heard that phrase before?..."

General Fleavous flew in his personal little starship towards the planet of Mootacow, where he landed and quickly entered his private communications room. A hologram of Darth Sidiot appeared instantly. "Lord- AAAHHEEEM! Sidiot," Fleavous said, bowing low before the Dark lord.

"That _was_ my name, last time I checked," Sidiot replied dryly.

Fleavous blinked stupidly. "Uh, yes, well, I AHHHEM!"

Sidiot sighed. "Since you obviously are having trouble talking, I might as well tell you that you must move the Separatist leaders to the Mooseuhtar (Moose-uh-tar) system."

"Yes, milord, uh, AHHHEM!" Fleavous answered, nodding.

Sidiot sighed. "The end of the war is over... blah blah blah..." he twiddled his thumbs in boredom.

"But.. the loss of Count Frootloop!" Fleavous interrupted.

"His death is nothing to wail and whine about," Sidiot snapped. "He was a loser anyways. And I _might possibly_ _maybe perhaps _have a new apprentice..." Sidiot continued, "one much younger.. and _stupider_.. but anyways... yadda yadda yadda... well, I won't keep you from your job anymore... so yah bye!" he disappeared.

Fleavous stood there for a minute, pondering what had just conspired.

That was a bit of a longer chapster! I NOW DOTH COMMANDE YE TO... TO... AH! What's the point? Just review, please!  



	14. Bootstraps Ben Kenobi & Brawn Solo

WEll! I got so many reviews, all of which were WONDERFUL, by the way, so I had to update really, really soon!

Harry Potter's Elf Friend: Thank you ever so much for reviewing, and here's the next chapster!

Xin Fyrrae: Thank you for reviewing, and I'm happy that you laughed hard! I love to make people laugh, it makes me happy. I don't know where the parody section is, but I think it's with the other categories.

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: I loved the Crabme Dolly-Llama part, too, and I think having her hair like that would be a great idea! Don't worry, Yoda, or Soda, will be here soon!

* * *

Back at the ol' ranch, Anakin stood on the balcony, watching Crabme, who had her hair up in a ridiculous moose style, dust the railing for the 'I-don't-know-how-many-maybe-gazillionth' time that evening.

"Ani Shmani, I wanna have our toddler on Craboo," Crabme suddenly spoke up, hair horns wobbling, "We can stay in the pond realm, where no one will know... where we can be safe from endless amounts of starship and speeder dust. I can go early and clean up the tot's room," she continued rather wistfully.

Anakin sighed, rather bored. "Yeah, fine, sure, whatever.. have fun going swimming in your little pond place with your new puppy..."

"You mean newborn," Crabme corrected, an eyebrow raised.

He giggled nervously. "He he he... that's what I meant," he nodded rather pitifully, and used the Force to juggle a few of Crabme's neatly placed (but not anymore) exquisite hats.

"DON'T DO THAT!" Crabme shrieked furiously, snatching them away from him.

"Whyyyy noooot?" he whined, arms dragging on the floor.

She sniffed. "Because I say so, and what I say goes."

He scowled angrily and flounced off to the bedroom, muttering to himself. "Don't wanna have a stupid baby anyways," he said glumly, "I wanna blow something up." With that exciting prospect in mind, he suddenly raced to the platform and jumped into his ship, with the idea of buying new explosives planted firmly into his eensie weensy teensy little pea of a brain.

When he entered the explosives shop, he suddenly saw gasp! Obi-Wan buying a large shipment of extra large, super galactic explosives.

"WHAT are YOU doing HERE?" he squawked, mouth hanging wide open.

Obi-Wan whisked around. "Hi-what-I-yah...um... hello there," he said weakly, quickly pushing the explosives package to the side.

"I never woulda thunk it!" Anakin continued, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Me neither," Obi-Wan said, managing to crack a small nervous grin.

Anakin stuffed his hands in his pockets and glanced around. "So, what's it for?" he asked, nodding towards the explosives.

"One order o' Super Spastic Extra Fantastic Explosives!" a burly man called out, holding up the package, "for the space pirate Bootstraps Ben Kenobi."

Obi-Wan reddened three shades darker than he already was, and Anakin stared at him, horrified. "So you ARE a space pirate after all!" he yelped. "My own master, a common thief and criminal! You're no better than an ordinary smuggler!"

"Hey, I resent that!" a man called out, holding a wrapped detonator in his arms.

Anakin turned to him. "And you are..."

"Solo," the man said. "Captain Brawn Solo, of the _Century Eagle_, docked just outside of here."

The young boy next to him rolled his eyes. "It shoulda been called the _Millennium Falcon_," he muttered in annoyance.

"NO!" Captain Brawn snapped, glaring at him. "That's a stupid name!"

Anakin shook his head thoughtfully. "No, actually the kid's got a point," he intervened. "What's your name, kid?"

"Han Solo," The boy replied, glaring at his father. "An one day I'm gonna be the captain of my dad's ship, an I'm gonna call it the _Millennium Falcon_."

Brawn snorted. "If you do that, then you won't ever get my permission to have a girlfriend, young man!" he growled, tightening his hands.

Han rolled his eyes and turned back to Anakin, who was growing interested at this conversation. Obi-Wan was trying to sneak out the door, but kept getting held up by other pirates asking for his autograph.

"Hey mister, if you have a daughter, will ya let me date her?" Han questioned Anakin, cocking his head to the side.

Brawn slapped Han upside his head. "Don't even think about it, Han!" he warned.

Anakin was growing angry at Brawn, and felt a bit sorry for Han. "Sure, kid," he assented, and shook his hand.

"Cool!" Han said, shaking it vigorously. "If your daughter looks like you, then she's gonna be real hot! Unless your wife is ugly."

Anakin smirked. "No way in Hoth is she–" he suddenly slapped his hand over his mouth, wide-eyed. "Uh, uh, what I _mean_ to say is..." he slowly turned around to see if Obi-Wan was listening, but the General (or space pirate) had already zipped out of the place as soon as he got the chance.

"Neeevermind," Anakin grinned good-naturedly, turning back to the Solos.

Brawn grabbed his son's arm and dragged him out the door. "Come on, let's go," he said gruffly.

"I'll call you," Han mouthed, making the sign for the telephone. Or comlink.

Anakin nodded and threw him a scrap piece of paper with his comlink number on it. He knew he had nothing to worry about, since he doubted that Han would ever call him, anyways.

Next chapster featuring: Dun dun dun DUNN! Master SODA! WHOOO! Please review!  



	15. Master Soda's Ideas About Premonitions

WEEEHOO! I got a lot of wonderful reviews! Thank you so much!

RavenRulzRF: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you like it!

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DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: Yes, Obi-Wan IS a space pirate! He shouldn't have been so 'by the book' anyways! Glad you like the moose antlers, Han, and the Century Eagle! Here's Yoda! Or Soda! The moment you've been waiting for!

FAINTbattleCRY: Glad you liked the chapters! Frail Organic is Bail Organa, Leia's foster dad. Zound cool?

TO EVERYONE! I LOVE YOUR REVIEWS! sniffles with gratitude and joy AHEM.

THIS CHAPTER FEATURING THE ALL WISE, ALL POWERFUL, ALL WONDERFUL, MASTER SODA!

* * *

Anakin bought some more detonators, had a couple of beers, and crazily drove home, finally passing out on the bed next to a sleeping Crabme. As he was sleeping, he had a dream. 

He saw Crabme, crying in pain. "Anakin... help me!" she cried. "Ahhhh! Too... much... clutter..." and with that she resumed to screaming, and the dream faded away.

He woke up with a start, and glanced down at Crabme, who subconsciously brushed herself off in her sleep. He then looked down at his boots, which were lying on the floor next to him, along with his shirt.

With a gasp, he quickly snatched his boots and shirt and raced down the hallway out to the very large patio/ living room, not wanting his dream about Crabme and the clutter to come true. If she saw the clothes on the floor, she would SO freak out! Not even thinking about what he was doing, he hurled his clothes out into the Moronuscant city, and brushed his hands off, satisfied.

Suddenly he halted. "What have I done?" he shrieked, suddenly realizing what he had done to his clothes.

Artu-tu beeped shrilly, which sounded like a laughter.

"Ani..." Crabme came over to him. "What's bothering you?"

He was pale, staring out into the night. "I... I threw my clothes out into the city for you," he stuttered.

She raised an eyebrow. "Why on earth would you do a _stupid_ thing like that?" she questioned.

"I'm doing this to save you," he explained. "It was a dream."

"Bad?"

He glared at her. "Well what do YOU think?"

She folded her arms over. "Go on," she said through clenched teeth.

He sighed. "You die because of clutter."

She put a hand to her stomach. "And the infant?"

Anakin shook his head miserably. "I don't know," he answered flatly.

"Well that helps," she snapped.

"I won't lose you like I lost my mother," he replied, ignoring her angry looks.

Crabme was horrified. "You lost your mother?"

He nodded sadly. "Yeah, she ran away, and never came home. No, she died, you moron!" he shouted, waving his arms around.

"This child will change our lives," Crabme interrupted, "I doubt the queen will allow me to continue to serve in the Senate–"

"What kind of drinks did you serve in the Senate anyways?" Anakin questioned. "Corellian Ale? Champagne?"

She shook her head. "Tequila."

Anakin was a bit taken aback. "Is that why the Senators are always promoting those ridiculous laws and movements?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

She nodded sheepishly. "Partly," she admitted, embarrassed.

"Well, whatever," he continued, "Don't worry about the kid, I'm not tellin' any of those Jedi jerks."

Crabme blinked. "Then you just called yourself a jerk," she said.

"Did not!" he snorted. She blinked again. "Well, on the other hand," he continued, feeling rather stupid.

She groaned and grabbed his hand. "Come on, let's go back to bed. I'm a pregnant mother and I need my sleep."

"Are you going to get those awful cravings like other moms?" he questioned, curious.

She whisked around and glared at him. "Go get me some double fudge chocolate cake with whipped cream and two gallons of pickles, and five ham, tomato, and cheese sandwiches, and don't forget about the cinnamon toast!" she shouted, pointing towards the door.

Anakin groaned. "Oh no..."

* * *

The next morning, Anakin entered the seditative room to talk with Master Soda about his strange dream. 

The little green alien was sitting on a cushion, mediating. Suddenly he jumped up and began doing a rapper's motions, yelling, "Yo, Mastah Soda my name is! Pepsi I like to drink with lots 'o fizz!" he did the hang signals once more before plopping down back on the cushion, looking serene.

Anakin slowly scooched over to the cushion facing him and sat down. "Uh, Master Soda? I had a dream. A _bad_ dream, mind you," he said.

"Premonitions? Premonitions... hmm.." Soda said thoughtfully. "These visions you have. They are of Pepsi, perhaps?"

Anakin shook his head. "They are of pain. Clutter. Dirtiness."

Soda scowled, angry at the dream because it wasn't about his beloved Pepsi. "Close to you, this person is?" he asked, sulking.

Anakin nodded. "Right on the money, shrimp," he answered, nodding his head.

Soda glared at him. "Allow this appointment lightly, the Council does not," he snapped. "And call me a shrimp, do NOT!"

"Zorry, dude," Anakin shrugged innocently. He then glanced around for a minute. "But then where are the other Council members, man?"

Soda looked annoyed. "A Council meeting, this is not, mon," he replied.

"But then why did you say 'the council doesn't allow this appointment lightly'?" Anakin questioned.

Soda shrugged. "Dunno," he answered nonchalantly. "Say things I do for no good reason, yo."

"Er, well, thanks for all of your help, Mastah Soda, I really appreciate it," Anakin continued, knowing that he wasn't going to get any help from him at all.

"Dude, no problem it was," Soda winked, giving him a thumbs-up and whisking out a Pepsi, gulping it down quickly. "Oh, by the way, dude, some more soda bring back, if some ya got," he continued.

Anakin nodded before running out of the room quickly.

HE HE HE! I loved that chapter. Hope you like it too! If you do, please REVIEW! You guys are awesome.

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: So, what'd ya think of Soda? I used your ideas about doing back talk slang, I hope it's good!


	16. Scalpatine's Stupid Horrible Dumb Chair

WHOO! I got more wonderfully nice reviews! Thank you!

FAINTbattleCRY: I'm glad you liked the cravings! I thought that was funny, too. Thank you for reviewing, as always!

God of Eypon: Thank you for reading my story! I hope you like this next chapter!

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: Thank you for your wonderful review! Sadly, no, Pepsi is NOT paying me to do slots for them. Sobs Thank you for the great ideas about the cravings, I'll use those! BTW, love how Indiana Jones story is turning out!

* * *

Chapter... Uh... I don't remember now...

Anakin finally entered the room where other Jedi were leaving, and found Obi-Wan shutting down the map.

"You failed to attend the account on the superficial circumference cordons," Obi-Wan scolded, folding his arms over. (Translation: You missed the report on the outer rim sieges.)

Anakin stared at him blankly. "Wha...?" he managed to stutter.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Forget it," he muttered, looking very depressed.

"Wha's the mattah, mon?" Anakin questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Obi-Wan sighed. "The Senate is expected to vote the Chancellor _more_ executive powers today," he explained.

"OOH NOO, NOT THAT, NOOOO, PLEASE NOO!" Anakin shrieked, breaking down into sobs.

Obi-Wan jumped back, startled.

"He he he, I'm just kiddin'!" Anakin giggled, getting back up to his feet. "You really fell for that one, Obi-Wan!"

"Arrrggghh," Obi-Wan growled, balling his hands into fists.

Anakin broke into an off-key whistle. "So, what's the problemo with ol' Scalps getting more power? Doesn't that mean the war will end soon?" he said.

"Noooo..." Obi-Wan shook his head, walking up the steps, "It just means that Scalpatine will be able to buy more Spanish food, more Spanish clothes, more Spanish decor, and get more funding for his campaigns. I have observed that he is very clever in following the passions of the other senators," he went on.

"Well I think he's a good man," Anakin scoffed. "My–" he suddenly turned around.

"I sense it too!" Obi-Wan said worriedly, and the two rushed off to the cafeteria before all the Bantha cream pie was taken.

As they were sitting down, Obi-Wan spoke up. "Oh, Anakin, Scalpatine wants to see you about something, so I just wanted to let you know."

Anakin nodded, his mouth full of Bantha cream pie. "Mut, Mymevher Mor?" (Translation: But, why ever for?) he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Obi-Wan shrugged and dug into his delectable dessert with relish. "Mmm, this tastes really good with the relish on top, Anakin," Obi-Wan informed him, licking his spoon.

"Yo, that's a gross out thing t' do, man," Anakin whined, covering his eyes.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and continued to eat his delicacy.

* * *

That afternoon, Anakin swaggered over to the Chancellor's office and coolly entered the room. "Yo, what's happenin', dude?" he cried, pointing at Scalpatine, who looked rather bewildered.

"Ah... uh, Anakin, mayest I have a word with you?" Scalpatine questioned, folding his hands together and getting slowly up from his chair.

Anakin shrugged nonchalantly and shlumped down into a seat, which, even though appeared to be cushy, was exceedingly hard. "Oww," he winced, rubbing his very sore butt.

"Eeee hee heee heee!" Scalpatine tittered, rubbing his hands together, "Works eeevery time!" He always loved when someone who didn't know that the cushions were hard sat on them and hurt their backsides. It was one of the only reasons why he exsisted.

Anakin rolled his eyes and said, "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, Anakin," Scalpatine replied, sitting down. "Come closer, I have good news."

"Lemme guess, you just saved a bunch of money on your starship insurance by switching to Geico," Anakin sighed, twiddling his thumbs, very bored.

Scalpatine scowled angrily. "Blast!" he shouted, ramming his rather spindly and wrinkled little fist onto the arm of his chair. He had heard that joke from Senator Dolly-Llama and wanted to tell it to everyone he possibly could within twenty-four hours.

"You got a problem, Scalps?" Anakin questioned calmly, staring at the ceiling. As I have said before, like Master, like Padawan.

Scalpatine glared at him. "I do now," he hissed, rubbing his rather bruised hand. "Since you have robbed me of my joke joy, I shall get straight to the point. Anakin, I want you to spy on the Jedi Council for me."

Anakin shrieked, clutching his chest.

"What? What is it? Are you all right?" The Chancellor asked worriedly, getting up from his chair.

"I...I... can't... breathe..." Anakin gasped, "This is too sudden. I'm not ready to be a father!" he wailed, and dropped to the floor. "WHY ME? WHY MEEE?" he sobbed desperately.

Scalpatine was shocked. "You're going to be a father?" he said, suddenly very interested. "Who's the mother?"

Anakin bounced up, giggling. "Eh, I was just having a mid-life crisis," he chuckled, "I'm oh-kay!" he winked at the Chancellor, who was very pale. "I'm not _really_ going to be a dad. Oor, not yet, at least."

"Ah, that's... good news," Scalpatine replied, rather annoyed, and sat back down in his chair.

Anakin jumped back into his, and shrieked once again as he hurt his butt. "STUPID BLASTED DARNED HORRIBLE TERRIBLE AWFUL EVIL WICKED TRICKSY FALSE IDIOT JERKIEST CHAIR!" he screamed in rage, face becoming very red. "I HATE YOU!" he was seething by now, and he sprayed little bits of spit when he yelled out the last part.

Scalpatine was very pleased. "The Force is strong with yoouuuu..." he said eerily, eyeing him.

Anakin quickly plastered on a cocky grin and sat himself down. "Why thank ya, Scalps," he grinned, putting his feet on the table.

Well, that's that. I ONCE AGAIN DOTH COMMANDE YE TO REVIEW! Thank you.  



	17. Of Darth Plageuis the Fried STATUES!

Woot! Got some really great reviews! Thank you so much!

FAINTbattleCRY: I'm glad you like the Geico part, I have now decided to try and put that quote in mostly every chapter. Thank you!

RavenRulzRF: Glad you liked both chapters! Master Soda is going to be in lots more, I promise!

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: Thank you, thank you, and thank you! As I said to the first reviewer, I'll try and incorporate your ideas into my story, they're really great! Thank you!

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, but this story will have LOTS of relish! I don't know what that has to do with the disclaimer, but oh well.

* * *

Chapter... once again, I don't know, nor do I really bother to care. 

Scalpatine glared at Anakin, looked at his boots, and glanced back at Anakin. "Um... would you mind?" he said, motioning to the boots.

Anakin, however, was staring at the ceiling again, and replied, "Sure, I'll go get some plaster and tools and patch it up as soon as possible."

Crabme suddenly rushed in and slapped him upside his head. "GET YOUR STINKY FEET OFF OF THE TABLE!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

Anakin instantly put his feet down, and gave her a wide smile. "Hey, Senator Dolly-Llama," he said, weakly, "I haven't seen you here in a while."

Crabme rolled her eyes. "GOSH, Anakin, you just, like, saw me last night!" she cried exasperatedly, munching on some pickled watermelon. Another one of her crazy cravings, Anakin suspected.

"OH... he he he!" he giggled nervously. "I knew that. Of course! How could I have ever been so stupid?"

"Well _that's_ not hard to explain," Chancellor Scalpatine muttered, glaring at him.

"Hey, I resent that," Anakin sulked, sticking his lower lip out and putting his feet once again on the table.

Crabme shrieked and slapped him upside his head again before marching out the door promptly, the watermelon cruching loudly.

Anakin quickly put his feet back on the floor and stared at Scalpatine, who was now tired from the whole ordeal. "So... why do ya wanna make me spy on da Jedi Council?" he questioned, not bothered at all by the statement.

"Uh.. I...uh..." was all the Chancellor could get out. Why DID he want Anakin to spy on the Jedi Council for him? What was the reason? Did he have a reason? Did he _want_ Anakin to spy on the Council? And most importantly, did he _want_ Anakin to be on his side?

"Well, OUT with it!" Anakin shouted, leaning forward. "I haven't got all day here!"

"Because I think you should be a Jedi Master!" Scalpatine burst out, looking rather pained.

Anakin eyed him warily. "Do you _really_ want me to be a master?" he asked slowly.

"Er... yes!" Scalpatine squeaked.

"You are sure of this?"

"Er... yes!"

"Quite sure?"

"Yes!"

"VERY sure?"

"Yes..."

"Exceedingly sure?"

"YES!"

"So sure that you would kill the Jedi Council if you weren't?"

"OH, YEAH, BABY!"

Anakin stared at the Chancellor, rather freaked. "Riiiight..." he said slowly.

Scalpatine calmed down, taking in deep breaths.

"Oh get a breathalyzer," Anakin grumbled, observing the PsP video game player on the Chancellor's desk.

The Chancellor sighed, rubbed his forehead, and said, "So, are you in, or are you out?"

Anakin took a swift glance at Scalpatine. "It's you who's out, Scalpy, outta yer mind!" he shouted, hopping up in mock rage.

"Dang it!" Scalpatine screamed, "But who then will help me sinisterly evil and psychopathic plans?"

Anakin shrugged. "Dunno, don't care," he replied nonchalantly, juggling a few of Scalpatine's miniature figurines.

"Dang it!" Scalpatine shrieked, lunging forward, "Don't doooo that!" he snatched the statues from Anakin's startled hands.

Anakin sulked, frowning. "But... why noooot?" he whined.

The Chancellor delicately place the figurines back on the shelf. "These are my rare and especially made Darth Plagueis the Fried figurines," he sniffed, dusting them off.

"They're STATUES!" Anakin hollered, waving his arms around in the air dramatically.

Scalpatine gasped, growing angrier by the minute. "No they're not!" he wailed, wringing his hands together. "They're...my...my preciousess!"

Anakin rolled his eyes, slapped a hand to his forehead, and marched out of the room, singing: "La la la la la la..." for no apparent reason whatsoever.

"Dang it!" Scalpatine yelled, plopping back into his chair, depressed about the whole situation.

Just then, Mas Amedda walked in and bowed. "I have some good news and bad news, Your Excellency," he stated solemnly.

"What is it now?" Scalpatine snapped, rubbing his head.

"Well, the bad news is, your shipment of _Be The Best, Evillest, Dastardliest, Horrbilest, Meanest, Sithliest_ _Sith You Can Be_ magazines have just been backordered and will not get here for another two years," Amedda continued, staring up at the ceiling.

WHOMP! Scalpatine promptly fainted dead away, his feet flying up in the air.

"But I've got some good news," Amedda went on, "I've just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico!" he grinned, turning back to Scalpatine. "Uh... Milord? Milord?"

There was no answer.

"DAT'S NOT FAIR!" Amedda wailed, wringing his hands in despair and marching out of the room. He also had heard the joke from Senator Dolly-Llama and wanted to tell it to his boss. He sighed despondently and trudged down the hall.

Well, that's that chapter. PLEASE REVIEW, AND THANK YOU!  



	18. Council, council, let me come in!

Whoo, more fantastic reviews! Awesome!

And if you would like to check out my other stories, which are I Am Me, a Vader fic, and Legend of the Jedi X-men, which is a Obi-Wan romance, that'd be great, too. If you do check them out, please review and tell me what you think!

Harry Potter's Elf Friend: Thank you for your review, I will indeed keep it up! Thank you!

FAINTbattleCRY: Don't worry, you're not the only one who doesn't know who Mas Amedda is. That's OK! He's the Chancellor's assistant, the blue guy with the horns. Clear everything up? Thanks for reviewing!

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you once again! I'm glad you liked those parts. Who is Mas Amedda? He's the blue guy with the horns who's the Chancellor's assistant. Okie-day? BTW, loved your latest chapter!

RavenRulzRF: What'll Anakin do next? Something stupid and idiotic. Yes, they're ALL COMPLETE IDIOTS! BUT THAT'S THE JOY OF THIS FANFICTION! YEA IDIOTS!

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars and I never will. But I did rename some of the characters and used Pepsi slogans. SO SUE ME! 

Chapter: Why do I even bother?...

Anakin swaggered back down to the Jedi temple, where he banged on the Council doors. "Knock, knock!" he shouted loudly.

"Who's there?" Master Windbag inquired commandingly from the other side.

"Anakin!"

"Anakin who?"

"Anakin Skyflopper, you moron!"

"Does thou knowest whom thou ist spaking with, vile scumbag!" Mace bellowed angrily.

Anakin thought for a minute. "Uh...um...no! Not particularly!" he cheeped.

"It's either 'yes' or 'no'!"

"Fine then, no!"

Mace groaned. "Don't you know my voice, you stupid Jedi?" he whined, rolling his eyes.

"Well don't you know mine?" Anakin retorted, putting his hands on his hips.

"Oooooh," the rest of the Council members said, thinking how great a comeback that was.

Mace glared at them. "Shut up!" he barked, steam coming out from his ears. It was a big habit of his.

"Eee hee hee hee hee," Me-Adi-Looni giggled, hiccupping intermittently. He had a large bottle of Corellian whiskey in his hand, and about ten others on the ground beside him.

"Council members, council members, let me come in!" Anakin yelled, growing quite angry with them.

"Not by the hair of my chiny-chin-chin," Obi-Wan replied in a sing-song voice.

Anakin sighed. "Then I'll ignite and I'll cut and I'll slice your Council doors in!" he shouted back, drawing out his lightsaber and igniting it.

"NO NO NO NO NO!" all the Council members yelled frantically, leaping up from their seats. All except Master Looni.

"Eee hee hee hee hee," he snickered, slugging down some more whiskey. He was now on his twenty-seventh bottle. And it wasn't even five o' clock yet.

"It's five o' clock somewhere!" Looni sang merrily, holding up his bottle.

"STOP SINGING ALAN JACKSON SONGS!" the council shouted at him.

He pouted and took another gulp of whiskey.

Anakin finally barged into the Council chambers, seething. "Well it's about BLASTED time!" he screamed, going red in the face.

"Language, young Skyflopper!" Windbag reprimanded sternly, glaring at him.

Soda shook his head and tisked at him, waving a spindly, little, green (and wrinkled) finger. "Naughty naughty naughty," he scolded. "Say things like dat, you should not."

"But Obi-Wan says that all the time..." Anakin continued, cocking his head to one side.

Every single of the council members turned their head to look at Obi-Wan, who was embarrassed.

"Anakin, don't say things like that," he squawked, reddening. "Especially if they're not true."

Soda glared at him. "Yo, wrong Bi-Wannie is; not tellin' the truth he is; an' more Pepsi I want!" he shouted suddenly, banging his stick on the ground.

"Eeek!" Looni shrieked, covering his eyes with a whiskey bottle.

The Council stared at him.

"Uh... we can still see you," Obi-Wan reminded him.

Looni shook his head enthusiastically. "If I can't see you, you can't see me!" he yelped, curling up into a ball and suddenly falling asleep in his chair, snoring up a storm.

"So," Anakin continued casually, "Chancellor Scalpatine says that he wants–"

"To have you killed?" Obi-Wan interrupted.

"No," Anakin said through clenched teeth, "To–"

"Have your speeder license revoked? Because you really drive way too fast, Anakin," Obi-Wan interrupted again.

"NO!"

"Okay then...to send you away on a very, very, very long mission that'll take about forever to accomplish?"

"NO!"

"Fine then... I give up, what _did_ he want?" Obi-Wan sighed, defeated.

Anakin looked fiercely at him. "He wants me to become a Jedi Master," he stated, letting some air out.

"That's a new one," Obi-Wan snorted, thinking how idiotic the Chancellor was.

Windbag agreed. "Yeah, is the guy outta his mind or something?"

"Hmmmm," the Council said simultaneously, resting their chins on their hands. They put their heads together closely and began whispering furiously amongst themselves.

Anakin tapped his foot impatiently. "So? What's the verdict? Am I in?" he questioned.

The Council members leaned back in their seats, and Windbag studied him for a minute before replying, "Here's the deal, Skyflopper."

"I _do_ have a name, ya know," Anakin interrupted irritably.

"Yeah, I know. It's Skyflopper," Windbag replied, annoyed at being interrupted.

"Noo...it's Anakin," Anakin corrected, glaring at him angrily.

Windbag rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Anyways, before I was so rudely interrupted by a stupid and good-for-nothing Jedi who doesn't even know how to use an X box..."

"Hey, I resent that," Anakin sulked. "The buttons are too hard to press."

"Skyflopper. Stop. Interrupting. Me. NOW!" Windbag shouted, steam coming out from his ears again.

Anakin shut up.

"The Council has decided to make a deal with you," Mace went on, "You can be on the Council, but you don't get to be a Jedi Master yet."

Anakin nodded cheerfully. "Sure thing, Scumbag...uh, I mean Windbag," he corrected quickly, noticing the horrified look he got from Mace. Anakin swaggered over to a chair and sat down in it. That too, was hard.

"Stupid chair," he muttered.

REVIEWS, PEOPLE, REVIEWS! THANK YOU!  



	19. Of Drunk Men and More Pepsi

Whoo! More wonderful reviews.. thank you all so much! And for my present to you... a FREE bottle of Corellian Ale!

FAINTbattleCRY: GO KEITH URBAN! Ahem. Thank you for your awesome review, I think Looni makes a really nice addition to my already insane story. THANK YOU!

RavenRulzRF: I sigh. Yes, the world of Star Wars HAS fallen to idiots. BUT GO IDIOTS! WHOO HOO!

Harry Potter's Elf Friend: Thank you for your review! here's the next chapter!

sarcastic-ha ha: Thank you for reviewing! It was good, wasn't it? Sheesh, that was totally conceited... BUT ANYWAYS!

* * *

Disclaimer: See some other chapter in this story. 

Chapter... oh brother, why do I even keep up with this?...

* * *

"MORE PEPSI I WANT!" Soda yelled, "MORE PEPSI I WANT!"

"Oh will you SHUT UP, you old bat!" Obi-Wan hollered angrily, rolling his eyes.

Soda glared at him. "Bat I am not," he retorted, pounding his cane next to Obi-Wan's foot. "Master Soda I am! Pepsi I like, and Pepsi I want!"

Obi-Wan jumped, startled.

"Eee hee hee hee hee!" Looni giggled manically, now awake.

"What _is_ he, anyways?" Windbag asked, peering at Soda closely.

All the other Council members leaned in closer to Soda. "Hmmmm," they said, looking at him hard.

"Ooh, I know what he is, I know!" Scalpatine yelped excitedly, bounding from his seat.

Windbag glared at him. "You're not on the Council, sit down!" he snapped.

Scalpatine gave him a withering look as he slowly sat down again. "One day," he glowered.

Anakin subtly shifted his seat further away from Scalpatine's, completely freaked out.

Soda whacked Obi-Wan on the knee with his cane.

"OWW!" Obi-Wan cried, hopping up and own on one foot while holding the other one.

"Eee hee hee hee hee!" Looni guffawed, pointing at him.

Anakin groaned and put his head in his hands. Suddenly a thought popped into his head. "Hey!" he shouted over the commotion, "HEY!"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at him. Soda abruptly smacked Obi-Wan's foot one more time.

"In the name of!" Obi-Wan yelled angrily, glaring at Soda, who gave him a cheezy grin before whisking out a Coca-Cola and chugging it down.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and winced, and Anakin cleared his throat. "Anakin, don't tell me you're turning into Fleavous," Obi-Wan pleaded.

Anakin looked at him, freaked out yet again. This was just plain stupid.

"I knew he was always a droid Separatist!" Windbag shouted out, "he's already got a droid arm!"

That was because Frootloop, a _Separatist_ leader, cut it off!" Anakin protested.

"They're in cahoots!" Windbag shrieked, ignoring him, steam coming out from his ears yet again.

Soda glared at him and promptly took out another coke and shook it furiously. He was about to open it, but Anakin, Obi-Wan, and the other Jedi leapt up, crying, "Don't!"

Soda didn't listen to them and continued trying to open it.

"Too late, jump!" Obi-Wan shouted, and he and Anakin jumped out of the windows just as the entire council chambers were

covered in a brownish white fizz.

"Eee hee hee hee hee!" Looni giggled, slurping up some of the coke.

"Drink my soda, do NOT!" Soda screamed shrilly, seething.

Mace sighed. "So...who's up for Soda going to spend some time with the Cookies?" he suggested.

Most of the Jedi agreed whole-heartedly.

"That would get him out of our way," Flow Moon sighed gratefully, "And give us more time to drink his Pepsi, uh, I mean... uh... bring Kyp's ditsy... uh... sister over for a party!"

The Jedi Council stared at him, and this gave the Janitor time to suck up all the fizz, cleaning everything up.

"Who in the heck is Kyp and why would we even want to bring his sister over for a party if she's ditsy?" Master Windbag questiond wildly, waving his arms around in the now fizz-free air.

"You ever heard of Kyp Durron?" Flow asked, drumming his fingers on his chair absent mindedly.

"Nope," the Council replied.

"Uh... Corran Horn?"

"Never."

"Luke Skywalker?"

"Not in this lifetime."

"ANAKIN Skywalker?" Flow shrieked wildly.

Mace thought for a second. "Have we...?" he began, thinking hard about the question.

"Nah," the Council members finally stated.

Flow Moon passed out cold.

"Eee hee hee hee hee," Looni giggled again, yet another bottle of ale in his hand. Mace promptly whisked it away.

"NO! Shat's mine!" Looni slurred, trying in vain to grab the bottle out of Mace's hand, which wasn't even there. "Don't Shtake away my shale!"

The Council members rolled their eyes and shouted, "SHUT UP YOU DRUNK IDIOT!"

Looni pouted, his head saggin. "Hey, I resent shthat," he grumbled. "Anyways I'd rather... I'd rather... just... SING! Man, I feel like a Drunk Guy! Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, NAH NAH!" He got up and did a little dance, only, moments later, to find himself FLOMP! Passed out dead away on the floor, right next to Flow Moon.

Reviews are greatly appreciated! Thank you!


	20. Of Sweetie Shlumpkins and Losing Hair

Well, I got more wonderful reviews! Thank you so much, I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

Harry Potter's Elf Friend: Yes, that chapter WAS very weird. But that's the point! Thank you for reviewing, as always!

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: Yes, I am utterly insane! Thank you for reviewing, I'm glad you liked the Alan Jackson bit I put in! So many more Country fans, I'm impressed! And, here you are, the Geico joke is BACK! Sorry I forgot to put it in the last few chappies!

RavenRulzRF: I got that 'Too late, jump!' line from when Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Palpatine are hanging in the elevator shaft, and the elevator's coming right at them. Anakin tries to call Artoo, but the elevator comes too fast, so Obi-Wan says, 'Too late, jump!' And that's where I got it from. IDIOTS SO TOTALLY RULE, DUDE! YEAH IDIOTS!

Chiara Sholuk: Thank you so much for reviewing my stories, I really love yours! I'm glad you couldn't hear your brother yelling at you.. that's one of the points of this story, to KEEP YOUR BROTHERS FROM YELLING AT YOU, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HEAR A THING THEY'RE SAYING! Hope you like this chapter, and thanks!

* * *

Disclaimer:... And once again.. I don't know why I even bother... 

Chapter... I don't know, nor do I really care.

Anakin and Obi-Wan had managed to get back into the Jedi temple without sustaining too much injuries. Anakin was now fuming, upset with the council. "What kind of nonsense is this?" he snapped, "Put me on the Council and they start acting like idiots... it's never happened before in the history of the Jedi, it's insalting!"

Obi-Wan glanced at him. "You mean 'insulting,'" he corrected, wiping off his boots.

"WHATEVER!" Anakin yelled, glaring at him.

Obi-Wan shrugged, and the two continued their midday stroll through the temple. "Ah, Anakin, before I forget..." Obi-Wan began, snapping his fingers at Anakin.

Anakin raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"I have some good news and some bad news," Obi-Wan continued. "The bad news is, the Council, cough cough, however drunk and stupid they may be, cough, cough, wants you to spy on Chancellor Scalpatine for us."

Anakin gaped at him.

"The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico," Obi-Wan finished, a cheezy grin on his face.

Anakin shrieked and ran away, shouting, "WHY ME? WHYYYY MEEEE?"

Obi-Wan shook his head in disappointment and went off to bid Soda goodbye. Master Windbag would be joining him.

Obi-Wan hopped onto one of the Republic Gun Cruisers and sat down with a sigh. "Anakin did not take to my joke with much enthusiasm, masters," he admitted sorrowfully.

"It's veeery dangerous putting those two together, I don't think the boy can handle it," Mace put in, thinking of a rodeo show he watched the other night. He didn't think his favorite rider could handle the toughest bull, who was named Sweetie Shlumpkins.

"I don't trust him," Obi-Wan agreed. Only he was thinking of a completely different matter. _HE_ thought Mace was speaking of two characters in his favorite dope opera, _The Old and the Relaxed,_ who were having a dilemma of some sort. He didn't trust one of the main characters, whom he thought was using another main character. But he wasn't exactly sure.

Soda ran a hand through his hair, and quickly pulled it back and stared at it. "Losing my hair, I am!" he cried indignantly, growing angry. "Not enough Pepsi I am drinking!" He then pulled out one of his few hairs, and to his utter dismay, it was white. "Turning white, my hair is!" he shrieked, "Oh, not good!"

The two other Jedi stared at him. "But Master, you've never had much hair to begin with," Obi-Wan protested, "And it's been like that for ages and ages!"

"And it's always been white," Windbag added, "And you don't need to drink more Pep... never mind," he sighed, as Soda instantly whisked out a Pepsi and slugged it down as quickly as he possibly could. After he had finished that one off, he brought out another one. And another one. Aaaand another one.

"In the name of!" Obi-Wan cried in annoyance, throwing his hands up in defeat.

Mace sighed and decided to ignore the little green alien chugging down one soda after another. "So..." he continued casually, "What were we talking about before?"

Obi-Wan shrugged and thought for a minute. "Umm, oh yeah, we were discussing about how some of the main characters were having some major problems. One was using the other to get what he wanted, and–"

"Hold on," Mace interrupted, seemingly confuzzled, "I thought we were talking about bull rider Traveling Incognito and his dealings with the bull Sweetie Shlumpkins."

"What kind of a name is 'Traveling Incognito'?" Obi-Wan questioned, thinking how ridiculous that name was.

Mace shrugged. "Don't ask me."

"I just did."

"Well then... don't ask me again."

"Fine. But wait, I didn't say a thing about bull riding," Obi-Wan protested, frowning. "I thought we were discussing _The Old and the Relaxed._"

Soda giggled. "Relate to that, I so totally can, dude!" he cried, giving them a thumbs-up.

Mace and Obi-Wan sighed. "Well let's talk about a happier subject," Mace suggested.

Obi-Wan nodded. "Sure, what do have in mind?" he asked.

"Let's talk about your former apprentice, young Skyflopper," Mace continued.

"What about him?" Obi-Wan snorted. "He's young, foolish, arrogant, stupid, likes to blow things up using detonators, has a craving for doing that, oh, he's stupid, and likes to use the Force at random times, shouts out things at random times, and once he caught me buying explosives for my pirate crew... and.. um.. oh geez, I really said to much, haven't I," he reddened.

Mace stared at him. "So the Prophecy says," he agreed.

"A prophecy, misread could have been," Soda spoke up, not really having a clue about what they were talking about.

Obi-Wan sighed in relief, thinking how lucky he was to have gotten off easy. The Jedi Council would not be turning him in, even though he was a space pirate.

"He will not act with good judgment or sanity," he said, turning back to the subject of Anakin. "He never has."

"I hope right, you are not," Soda said, glaring at Obi-Wan, who shrunk down into his seat. "Well, gots to go now, I have! Have fun, kiddies!" he chirped, and hopped down to go to Cashier, accompanied by a Cookie or two.

Well, that was another chapter of sheer insanity. I HOPE YOU LIKED IT! NOW, IT'S ONCE AGAIN TIME TO REVIEW! Thanks!  



	21. The stock market and the French salesman

What happened to all my wonderful reviewers? Come out, come out wherever you are!

RavenRulzRF: Thank you for reviewing! I agree totally, YEAH INSANITY! GO IDIOTS! I hereby dedicate this chapster to you!

Disclaimer: We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Wait... that's not a disclaimer... uh, I don't own Star Wars at all. So there. Or Pirates of the Carribean. You'll see how that comes into play later. I was thinking of doing a sequel to this, with Luke and Leia's life, kinda like a Star Wars Sitcom. Do I hear yeses?

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Chapter... I don't know. AT all... 

Back at the ol' ranch, Anakin and Crabmé sat on one of their cushy seats (No, really! They ARE cushy, I'm telling the truth!), talking.

Anakin put his head down. "Sometimes I wonder what's happening to the stock market these days," he sighed, "I think this war is destroying the entire stock system. Look," he shoved a newspaper in Crabme's face. "See? SEE? My explosives chain store is down five cents. FIVE BLASTED CENTS!" he thundered angrily, throwing the paper down on the patio. (Which wasn't cushy, by the way)

"Anakin, don't say things like that," Crabme scolded, sewing a feather onto one of her new bright pink fedoras.

"Well it's true," he pouted, looking very sullen.

She sighed. "Ani, have you ever considered buying new stocks and selling your old ones?"

Anakin was suspicious. "What do you mean?" he began slowly.

She rolled her eyes and continued, "What if the stocks you thought you got good prices on, weren't good stocks at all?"

"I don't believe that," Anakin retorted. "And you're sounding like a bank owner!"

"This stock market represents a failure to buy smart stocks and save money," Crabme shouted, growing angrier, "and now, you're closer to the Chancellor than ever, please, ask him to stop creating awful stocks and let smart buying resume."

Anakin stared at her. "You lost me at 'you're closer to the Chancellor than ever'..." he trailed off. "What does he have to do with anything?"

"Forget it!" she snapped, and continued to sew her feathers. "All I'm saying is, buy good stocks and sell your bad ones!"

"Don't ax me to do that!" Anakin shouted, standing up abruptly. "Make a motion at the stock exchange, where that kind of a request belongs!"

"Make emotion?" Crabme said, confused. "What kind of emotion?"

Anakin growled and curled his hands into fists.

"What's wrong?" she asked, seemingly ignorant that he was on the verge of blowing something up.

"Nothing," he said through clenched teeth.

She stood up. "Don't do this, don't shut me out. Let me help you. I'm good at this kind of thing."

"I HAVE TO USE THE LAVATORY!" Anakin burst out, and ran to his ship, where he grabbed a detonator and blew it up promptly. He sighed, relaxed, and took out his comlink.

"Hello, Geico Insurance?" he said. "Yeah, I've got a blown up Jedi starfighter, some complete idiot blew it up for no good reason whatsoever..." he chuckled nervously. "Maybe he was just totally stressed because he was going to be a father and his stocks were down, and he was really ticked at his wife, and she was being NO help whatsoever, and he just FELT like blowing something up, and so maybe that's what it was, ya know?" he ranted on.

The lady on the other end of the line said, "Uh, yeah... sure... whatever. Um, do you have an address?" she asked.

"An address? An address, you ax?" Obi-Wan suddenly cut in from another line.

"SHUT UP!" Anakin shrieked into the link, causing the lady to cringe.

"Sir, I have to ask you to keep your voice down," she said, getting rather annoyed.

"Fine," Anakin muttered. "So, when can I get my new ship?"

The lady checked her computer. "Um, let's see. Will next month be good for you?" she asked.

"Next month? Next month, you ax?" Obi-Wan cut in again.

"Herbie! Cut it out!" the lady scolded, thinking that it was one of her colleagues.

Anakin rolled his eyes and slapped a hand over them. "Obi-Wan, get of the blasted link," he groaned.

"Language, sir!" the lady cried, shocked and startled.

"Oh get a BLASTED life, ya creep!" Obi-Wan yelled into the link, speaking to Anakin.

The lady gasped. "Oh my goodness! Shut me down!" she cried, horrified.

"Will do," Anakin snapped grimly.

The lady was rather miffed and ended the link abruptly.

"Rather rude, don't you think, my old padawan?" Obi-Wan asked casually.

"Yeah, what's her problem," Anakin snorted.

Obi-Wan shrugged mentally. "Don't know. Well, chap, I've got to run, I've got a meeting with my crew... uh, I mean the Council of course. Gottorunsobye!" he blurted out quickly and shut his comlink off.

Anakin stared at his comlink, eyebrows raised. "Sure..." he muttered, and tried to call Geico again. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello?" a French voice came on.

"Yeah hi," Anakin said, "I was just wondering if I could have my speeder removed and replaced. It got blown up."

"By vhat?" the French man asked.

Anakin sighed and took another detonator out of his pocket, studying it carefully. "Uh, a 600 caliber miniature thermal detonator, series 0400," he said.

"Hmm," the man said thoughtfully, "Ve hafen't seen any of tose types of blasts bevore, but ve vill be happy to profide you vith a rental speeder. Does that vork vor you, sir?" he asked.

Anakin was growing angry. "No, it doesn't," he snapped, "I want a new speeder, and I want it now!"

"Oh calm down Anakin," Obi-Wan chastised, coming back onto the line, "You've been given a great deal. To have so many different speeders at your age, it's never happened before."

"Nice to know," Anakin retorted sarcastically. "Now get off the blasted comlink!"

"Lankuage, monsieur," the French man scolded.

"ARGH!" Anakin shrieked, "I GIVE UP! Just get me a speeder, you language deficient loonie, and be quick about it!" he turned off his comlink abruptly.

The French man sniffed. "Vell, he vas rather rude, don't you think?" he said to Obi-Wan.

"You have no idea..." Obi-Wan sighed.

"Vell, I do haf some good news," the French man continued.

"What?" Obi-Wan snapped.

"I just safed a bunch ov money on my starship insurance by svitching to Geico!" the French man tittered, as if that were the joke of the century.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Oh get a life," he shouted, and turned off the comlink, much to the Frenchman's dismay.

Well, I'm goin' back to bein' tough. I ONCE AGAIN DOTH COMMANDE YE TO REVIEW! Thanks!


	22. The Chancellor and Squid Lake

Thanks for all your reviews! Here's the next chapter!

RavenRulzRF: You're quite welcome, I hope you like this chapter! Go IDIOTS!

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: You're welcome for the Geico bit, sadly, I couldn't find any place to put it in this chapter, but the next one, I promise! Some fighting will probably be also in the next chapter. Hope you like this one!

alhmo3224: Thank you! I'm glad you think it's funny. Hope you like this chapter!

Chapter... Darn it, forgot again...

Later that night, whist Crabme was eating pickled watermelon with strawberries, whipped cream, and lots of mayonnaise on top, Anakin hurried out of the apartment, after he had tossed his cookies a couple times. The sight of mayonnaise with watermelon did it for him.

Since Crabme was watching this stupid holo dope opera called _The Old and The Relaxed_, which had been encouraged by none other than Obi-Wan, Anakin needed to get outta town and have a good ol' time by himself, doing whatever he felt like doing.

"Hey, maybe I'll go see how ol' Scalps is doing," he mused, walking to his brand new speeder. "He's probably watching something cool."

With that brilliant thought in mind, he zoomed down to the theatre, where he raced up the steps- FLOMP! And tripped on his brand new cloak, causing him to fall flat on his face. He sighed, brushed himself off with as much dignity as he could muster, and – FLOMP! Did it again. So he got up... and took another brave try. FLOMPITY FLOMP, FLOMP, FLOMP, FLOMP! He tumbled all the way down the steps, people staring at him.

"Blast," he hissed, and brushed himself off again. He walked past and noticed a statue facing him. "Well whadda YOU starin' at!" he snarled angrily.

The statue... didn't reply. Being a statue, of course.

"BE QUIET!" he yelled angrily, stomping his foot on the ground. Unfortunately, he stomped on his own foot. "Ow, ow, ow, ow," he moaned, hopping up and down on the ground.

The statue now seemed to be laughing at him.

"OH SHUT UP!" he hollered, and kicked it with a foot. "KaJiminey blasters!" he cried, "That hurt!"

That did it for Jedi Knight Anakin Skyflopper, ladies and gentlemen. He glared evilly at the statue and brought out his lightsaber. Igniting it, he hacked the statue to shreds, with people growing more concerned by the minute.

One innocent bystander whisked out a comlink. "Hello, Coruscant Police? Yeah, there's this crazy dude who's screaming at a statue and is right now hacking it down with a lightsaber. What? Well, he has shoulder length light brown hair, blue eyes... I think.. very nice body... very handsome... what? How should I know if he has a getaway vehicle, I'm merely an innocent bystander!"

The Coruscant Galactic Police finally arrived, but Anakin managed to race up the stairs, sustaining minimal damage, pushed past all the people, and threw a mini detonator into a building, blowing part of it up.

"HE'S A TERRORIST!" shrieked an elderly lady with very large glasses.

Anakin cackled evilly as he darted into the theatre, anxious to see his pal... sort of. Scalpatine. He found him sitting in a seat with his creepy looking cronies, watching... what was it?

"OH NO!" Anakin squealed, "Not THAT! ANYTHING but THAT!" He put a hand on his forehead and passed out dead away on the floor.

For lo and behold, the Supreme Chancellor was watching 'Squid Lake', a very sappy romantic opera show!

The Chancellor glanced behind him and suddenly noticed Anakin, unconscious, on the floor. "Oh my goodness!" he said, "Anakin, come closer, I have good news!" he didn't realize that Anakin wasn't _just_ trying to get a tan.

"Anakin?" he asked again, confused.

Anakin groaned and slowly opened his eyes. "I never thought I'd live to see the day..." he mumbled. He slowly got up and glared at the Chancellor, who looked taken aback.

His cronies were freaked out, so they high-tailed it outta there.

"So this is the answer to all the riddles," Anakin said a eerily calm voice, "The chancellor, watching an opera."

"How's that an answer to a riddle?" Scalpatine questioned, mightily confused.

Well, that's that. The Sooner you review, the sooner I update! Thanks!  



	23. Scalpatine's Short Term Memory Loss

Thank you for all of your reviews!

FAINTbattleCRY: Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it!

RavenRulzRF: Yes, Anakin's a complete IDIOT! POWER TO THE IDIOTS! Thanks so much!

alhmo3224: So happy you loved that chapter, hope you like this one!

* * *

Disclaimer: Told you already, so you don't need to know in this one.

Anakin opened his mouth, shut it, opened it again, and shut it again. "Uh... look, it's the next act!" he said, and the Chancellor whisked around.

Anakin jumped into a seat, hoping it would be nice and cushy, but, unfortunately, it was not. "OW..." he winced, rubbing his very sore butt.

Scalpatine took a seat next to him. "Soo, Anakin," he said calmly, "We have gotten a report that General Fleavous is on the Mootacow system."

"Finally," Anakin smirked, "We'll be able blow him up and end this sore!"

"You mean war," Scalpatine corrected.

Anakin glared at him evilly, causing Scalpatine to shift uncomfortably. "Anyways," Anakin continued onwards...

"Oh yes," Scalpatine spoke up, "Did you ever hear the comedy of Darth Plagueis the Fried?"

Anakin burst out laughing. "Ha ha ha, that's so funny!" he giggled, spitting out his Pepsi, which he had stolen from Master Soda.

Scalpatine stared at him. "What's so funny about that?" he demanded, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, you know.. the whole comedy thing.. and the Fried part... never mind," Anakin ended lamely, seeing the confuzzled stare Scalpatine was giving him.

Scalpatine shook his head. "AnYways, as I was saying," he continued, "Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so comical that he could use the midichlorians to create.. laughs! He had such a knowledge of the Dark Side, he could even use his power to keep the ones he cared about... from frowning."

Anakin was interested. "He could actually... save people from death?" he said, not really getting the situation.

Scalpatine snorted. "Goodness, no!" he chuckled, "He couldn't even save his pet pollywog for crying out loud! That guy was such a klutz when it came to being a doctor type person."

Anakin nodded understandingly. "But wait... what's keeping people from frowning have to do with the Dark Side?" he questioned. "And moreover, what does any of this have to do with General Fleavous or me spying on you?"

Scalpatine stared at him. "You're spying on me?" he repeated incredulously.

Anakin nodded, grinning. "Yep, and lovin' every minute of it!" he chirped.

"The Jedi Council asked you to spy on me, didn't they?" Scalpatine accused, furrowing his eyebrows.

Anakin slapped his forehead, rolling his eyes. "Dude, that's, like, what I just said! Duuhhh..."

"Well, they don't trust me. Or the Senate. Or the Republic. Or democracy. Or canned peaches for that matter," Scalpatine continued glumly.

"Canned peaches?" Anakin said, confused.

Scalpatine nodded. "Yes, the Sith and the Jedi are alike in almost every way... except, Sith like to eat canned peaches, and well," he snorted, "the Jedi don't."

Anakin eyed him. "The Sith rely on their breakfast cereals and granola bars for their morning boost," he replied, "They think inwards, only about their fruit and oat diets."

"And the Jedi don't?" Scalpatine retorted indignantly.

Anakin shook his head. "The Jedi are selfless," he explained, "They only eat junk food and drink Pepsi, 7 Up, and Sprite."

Scalpatine nodded, clearly not interested in talking about the Jedi. "Did you ever hear the comedy of Darth Plagueis the Fried?" he said, oblivious to the fact that he had already asked Anakin that.

"Dude, you like, already asked me that!" Anakin insisted, waving his arms around in the air, causing a scene.

Scalpatine stared blankly at him. "I did?" he said, and looked down. "Oh no..."

"Look, if this is some kinda practical joke, it's not funny!" Anakin shouted angrily.

Scalpatine sighed. "No, no, I'm sorry, it's just that... I suffer from short term memory loss."

"Short term memory loss?" Anakin echoed incredulously. "I don't believe this..."

Scalpatine shook his head wildly. "No, no, it's true, I forget things almost as soon as I say them. It runs in the family. At least I think it does..." he thought for a second. "Hm, where are they?" He put a hand to his chin. After a second, he glanced at Anakin. "Did you ever hear the comedy of Darth Plagueis the Fried?" he repeated.

Anakin stared at him. "Something's wrong with you," he said, completely freaked out. "Something's really wrong with you..."

Scalpatine sighed. "Yeah, yeah, sorry bout that. I can't help it. So, do you wanna know what happened to the guy?" he asked.

Anakin shrugged. "Got nothin else ta do," he replied.

"Well," continued Scalpatine, "He became so comical, that the only thing he was afraid of was, losing his comical skills, which of course, eventually he did."

" I remember my early teachings, all who gain power are afraid to lose it," Anakin broke in randomly.

Scalpatine glared at him. "Don't interrupt me!" he snapped.

"Whatever," Anakin muttered.

Hope you liked that chapter, I particularly enjoyed writing it! REVIEWS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED!  



	24. The Mission for Mootacow

Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews! Here's the next chapter of randomness!

RavenRulzRF: Glad you liked the randomness! More of it coming up in this chapter!

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: Whoa! Lots of questions, some of which you will have to find out in this chapter! Thanks so much for the review!

Ms. Pippin Baggins: Thanks for reading, so happy you love my story! Hope you like this chapter!

aknskywalker: Wow, what a compliment! I am honored! Hope you like this chapter, thanks so much for reviewing!

Jedihobbit283: Glad you like your cream cheese and my story as well! Where did "I had the most peculiar dream" come from? It came from Attack of the Clones, and Threepio said it after he was put back together by Artoo, in the Arena. How did they get out of there, anyways? Thanks for reviewing!

* * *

Chapter... blank

"As I was saying.." Scalpatine went on, "He taught his apprentice everything he knew... and then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. It's ironic," he chuckled, "He could save others from frowning, but not himself."

Anakin furrowed his eyebrows. "So, lemme see if I got this straight. When the dude was killed, he frowned? I don't get it..."

Scalpatine whacked him on the back of the head. "Pay attention!" He barked angrily.

Anakin rubbed his head. "I yam paying attention!" he whined, "It's just that you're not making any sense whatsoever!"

Scalpatine sulked.

"Anyways, is it possible to learn how to save people from clutter?" Anakin questioned rather randomly.

Scalpatine was taken aback and very confused at the question, but replied, "Not from a Jedi."

"Thanks for stating the obvious," Anakin glowered, knowing very well what slobs the Jedi were.

Scalpatine shrugged.

A few days later, just before he had to leave for a Council meeting, Anakin called Obi-Wan to ask him something. "Hey, Bi-Wannie, can ya give me a ring when you get the chance?" he questioned, and then hung up. (You'll see what happens with this later)

He then raced to the Council chambers, only to find that he was twenty minutes early. He took this opportunity to try out everyone else's seat, since he had always suspected that they had given him the hardest one possible.

First, he tried Mace Windbag's seat. "Ooch, this is too hard!" he winced, rubbing his backside. He then tried Soda's, being careful not to step on any discarded soda cans. "Eeek!" he shrieked, "This one's too soft!" He jumped up and carefully inspected Obi-Wan's. "Hmm..." he said, and sat down. "Aaahhh..." he breathed, "this one's just right." And with that he fell fast asleep.

Soon after he was asleep, the rest of the council members, minus Soda, entered the room, only to find Anakin snoring in Obi-Wan's chair.

Obi-Wan strode over to him and kicked him hard in the shin, seething.

Anakin jumped awake with a start. "I didn't turn to the Dark – oh, um, hi master!" he grinned sheepishly.

"Anakin, how many times have I told you not to sit in my chair!" Obi-Wan bellowed angrily at him.

"How on earth should I know?" Anakin squawked innocently.

Obi-Wan just glared at him. "OUT!" he yelled, pointing to Anakin's chair.

The pouting former padawan slinked back into his own chair, which was much harder.

A hologram of Soda appeared, and the Council, which included various Jedi, such as Obi-Wan, Mace, Aging Polar, Mi-Adi-Looni, and Flow Moon, began.

"The Chancellor thinks that Fleavous is on Moo...Mootacow," Looni giggled, chugging down another whiskey.

"We have had no reports of this from our agents," Mace objected, frowning.

Anakin cleared his throat. He had been waiting a long time for this moment... a chance to shine! "A partial message was intercepted in a diplomatic packet from the Chairman of Mootacow," he recited, thanking the Force that he had remembered all the words.

The Council just stared blankly at him. "In Basic, please?" Obi-Wan said, clueless.

Anakin fumbled for words. "Uh... um... something about intercepting a message on Mootacow," he stuttered, and took out his soda can from a few nights before, glugging the rest of it down.

"Ah, I see," Mace said, pretending to understand.

Soda stared at Anakin, horrified. His mouth opened, closed, and opened again. "STOLE MY PEPSI YOU DID, YOU MORON!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. He tried to run his mini lightsaber through Anakin, but since Anakin was just a hologram, it did nothing.

"Dude, it was only one drink!" Anakin said, putting his hands up in defense.

"One drink? One drink, you say?" Soda snapped. "The CHOSEN ONE WERE YOU! S'POSED TO DRINK MY PEPSI, YOU WERE NOT!" He broke down into a wail, glaring daggers at poor Anakin, who was growing rather scared.

"Chill man!" Anakin cried, "Just cool your cucumbers!"

"NO CUCUMBERS I HAVE!" Soda shrieked furiously, "LIGHTSABER I HAVE, AND KILL YOU I WILL, ONCE GOTTEN BACK I HAVE!"

The Council was staring at Soda, who was growing a cherry red from all the screaming he was doing.

"This is nooot good," Obi-Wan muttered, sighing.

"Soda, sit down please," Mace said, growing very tired from the whole ordeal.

Soda, still seething, promptly sat down in his very soft chair. "Act on this, we must," he said, trying to regain some of his dignity, "The capture of General Fleavous will end this war. Quickly and decisively we should proceed."

"Tell us something we don't already know," Anakin mumbled.

"Say something you did?" Soda said, growing tense.

Anakin frantically shook his head. "Nope. No way. Didn't say a thing! Me? Moi? Say something? Speak? Talk? Mumble? Mutter something? Of course not! Couldn't happen. Never in this–"

"We get the point, Anakin," Obi-Wan cut in sharply.

Anakin nodded curtly, and cleared his throat. "Uh, the Chancellor has requested that I lead the campaign," he spoke up.

"There!" Soda shouted, pointing at him, "Say something, he did! Liar!"

Mace rolled his eyes and glanced at Anakin, a little peeved. "The Council will decide who is to go, not the Chancellor," he retorted.

Anakin sulked angrily.

Well, that was that chapter. Hope you liked! OK, I really need some feedback on this, should I do a sequel to this story, with either Darth Vader, or with Anakin and Padme living with the kids? NEED FEEDBACK!  



	25. ALL REVIEWERS PLEASE READ THIS!

**ALL REVIEWERS READ THIS! THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER! IT IS AN IMPORTANT DECISION THAT YOU HAVE TO MAKE!  
**

OK, before we go any further, I need to take a poll for the sequel to this story. I have gotten mixed comments, but now I need every reviewer who has read this story to please tell me which one you want. The majority of votes for either choice will decide which sequel I will write. Your options for a sequel are:

Choice Number 1) Anakin and Padmé live with the kids, Luke and Leia. This also includes Obi-Wan, Soda, Mace Windbag, and other various Jedi and random characters. Some new and returning characters will also be added in, such as Han Solo, Lando, and possibly a new Sith lord. The story will have the same randomness and idiocy as in this story.

Choice Number 2) Anakin turns into Darth Vader, whom I shall rename one of these choices: Darth Hater, Freighter, Crusader, Invader, Elevator, Raider, Evacuator, or a name that you come up with. I would like you to choose one of these names, or make one up that rhymes with Vader. Vader will be just as stupid as Anakin had been, and Leia will be in there, also Luke, Han Solo, Chewie, (whom I also might rename) and Lando. Other characters, such as Mon Mothma, (whom I shall also probably rename), and the regular (A New Hope) characters. A new title that rhymes with 'A New Hope' would also be helpful. One reviewer suggested 'A New Dope', and I would like to see what you come up with.

There are your choices. Please choose one or the other, I myself am torn between the two, though I would like to see how Vader acts when he is as clumsy and stupid as Anakin was. Mind you, there will be NO swearing, foul language, crude humor, or any of the sort. I write only clean humor, nothing else. Thanks!

The next chapter will be coming up shortly!


	26. Master Kenobi Is Chosen for the Mission

Thank you SO much for ALL of your feedback, it was just what I needed!

OK, Instead of responding to all the reviews, I'm just going to get straight to the point. Thank you for your reviews, I thank you for reviewing my story and am glad that you would like a sequel.

**The Results for the Sequel:**

**Anakin and Padme living with the Kids, or Choice Number 1): Two votes**

**Darth Vader (Whom I am renaming as Darth Elevator, thanks to so many reviews!), or Choice Number 2): six votes**

**Darth Elevator wins! Thank you for voting! I greatly appreciate it! The work of the sequel, which shall be renamed 'A New Mope', will be getting started very soon.

* * *

Disclaimer: Blah..blah... see some other chapter.**

"A master is needed, with more experience," Soda put in, glaring at Anakin.

Anakin turned red and fingered a detonator that was hidden in his back pocket.

"Ish.. con...con..." Looni slurred, not able to say what he wanted to say from lack of sanity and way too much whiskey.

"Yoush what?" Mace questioned, exasperated.

"Con...con..." Looni tried again, but failed.

Anakin raised an eyebrow. "Kong?" he guessed. "You mean to say that King Kong should go?"

"Ooh, I saw that movie!" Scalpatine cried, leaping up from his seat unexpectedly.

Mace glared at him. "You're not on this council, sit down!" he barked furiously at him.

Scalpatine glowered at him. "One day..." he muttered, slowly taking his seat again.

"Is it just me, or has this happened before?" Anakin grumbled to himself, rolling his eyes.

"No..." Looni continued. "Con...conferr...conmerr...concher..." he tried again.

"Concur?" Obi-Wan put in helpfully.

"That'sh the onesh!" (That's the one!) Looni giggled, gulping down another whiskey. "Yoush should...shouldss... ggoosh, Masshhter Kenny..." he gurgled, pointing clumsily to Obi-Wan, who was rather freaked. (Translation: You should go, Master Kenobi.)

"Uh...right..." Obi-Wan said, shifting his chair away from Looni's.

Anakin didn't like this idea. "Well he wasn't so successful the last time he met Fleavous," he complained, sulking.

Obi-Wan threw Anakin a dirty look.

"No offense, my Master, but I'm only stating a fact," Anakin continued, reddening.

Obi-Wan took this as an opportunity to embarrass Anakin in front of the Council. "Oh no, you're quite right, but I do have the most experience with his ways of combat," he retorted smugly. (That little part was actually in the original script! I'm not kidding!)

Anakin gaped at him, furious beyond words. "You so totally are not!" he fumed, "I am!"

Obi-Wan glanced at his fingernails. "Who says?" he questioned casually.

"I SAY!"

"And _do_ you say so?"

"I DO SAY SO!"

"Are you _sure_ you say so?"

"I'm BLASTED SURE I SAY SO!" Anakin shrieked wildly.

Soda gasped. "Naughty naughty naughty!" he scolded. "Dude, yo problemo, what is?"

"I don't have a problem!" Anakin retorted, "Tis master Kenobi who has a problem! And more than one, I assure you!"

Mace looked at him, confused. "Since when did you start talking like it was in the 1700's?" he questioned.

"Start talkin' like what?" Anakin asked, turning to Mace.

Master Windbag shook his head. "Never mind..." he cleared his throat. "Obi-Wan, my choice is."

Soda glared at him. "MY line, that was!" he snapped.

Mace shrugged. "Zoops!" he tittered, "Twasn't MY fault, you were s'posed to say that, but you didn't! Someone mixed up the dialogue a ways back."

"I agree," Soda nodded; All the Jedi concurred as well.

"Very well. Council is adjourned," Mace declared, playing with a random hackey-sack. He didn't notice that Anakin was very angry. Mace continued on, "Obi-Wan, prepare two clone brigades as quickly as you can. If this report is true, there's no telling how many battle droids he may have with him," he ordered.

Obi-Wan stared at him blankly. "Prepare what?" he questioned.

Mace rolled his eyes. "Two clone brigades!" he repeated, annoyed.

"What are clone brigades?" Obi-Wan shouted, having no idea what in the heck Windbag was talking about.

"You know..." Mace said, motioning with his hands.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "No, I really don't know," he admitted sheepishly.

"Dooshh... youssh... knowshh whatss theyshh areeshh?" Looni asked Anakin, wavering. (Do you know what they are?)

Anakin shook his head. "I don't know," he replied, "But I want one." He grinned evilly, rubbing his hands together.

Obi-Wan glared at him, causing him to suddenly find the ceiling very interesting. "Hmm..." Anakin said thoughtfully.

"So NOW do you know what a brigade is?" Mace Windbag asked, after carefully explaining it to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan nodded, but was still confused. "Yeah... I guess..." he shrugged.

"Is everyone clear on their assignments?" Master Windbag questioned, turning to the rest of the Council, who were by now either asleep, drunk, staring mindlessly at the ceiling, or playing Xbox.

"Sure, I'll get some plaster and tools and patch it up as soon as possible," Anakin replied casually.

Mace glared at him.

"Ooh, I killed the Jedi!" Flow Moon cackled evilly, leaping up from his seat in front of the Xbox and jumping around, his player remote still clenched firmly in his hand.

Everyone stared at him, astonished.

He turned red and sat back down, clearing his throat. "Uh... never mind," he muttered, turning back to the screen.

"I WANNA PLAY!" Anakin shrieked, darting up.

Obi-Wan tripped him as he ran over to the console.

Well that does it for that chapter. Thank you so much for all of your reviews!


	27. Anakin Needs an Attitude Adjustment

Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews, I couldn't keep on writing without them. Excuse my glumness today, but I just googled my penname, Serena Kenobi, for fun, and I found this site which totally panned one of my stories. The people on there were so mean, all they said was like.. 'Ick ick ick ick', and other awful stuff like that. I feel terrible, and really need some encouragement. I feel like a failure at writing. Sorry for the attitude, I just am really upset.

RavenRulzRF: Thank you so much for being a constant reviewer! GO IDIOTS!

Mrs. Pippin Baggins: So happy you like those lines, they're some of my favs, too! That's why I keep puttin' em in!

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: Glad you liked those parts, so did I! Great chapster on your story... that's a lot of laughs you put in there! Glad you're excited about Darth Elevator.. I've got to get started on that!

Adame shmi Skywalker Vader: I do believe you're the only one who caught that comment! You're an 'Island' fan like I am! Didn't think anyone would actually get that, you've made my day! And about writing funny stories.. I have no clue how I do it, I"m just weird. It pops into my head. Thank you so much for your review!

Freezemaster: Cool name! I am honored that you think I'm the funniest Star Wars author, that makes me feel so HAPPY!

Redneck626 Arya 4 Laya Sparrow: Awesome penname, I have to say. Thanks so much for reviewing, hope you like this chapter! You're quite welcome for reviewing your story, I find it very fascinating that someone actually had the idea to write it!

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Without further notice, here is the next chapter! 

"OAF!" Anakin cried as he hit the hard rock floor face down.

"That would about describe you," Obi-Wan giggled, pointing at Anakin.

Anakin rose to his feet, towering over him. "Isn't there somewhere you should be right now?" he demanded angrily.

Obi-Wan shrugged and looked at his fingernails. "Why ask me?" he questioned casually.

"Because you're a pirate," Anakin hissed, glaring at him.

"Oh, and you want to turn pirate yourself I see, is that it?" Obi-Wan went on, glancing at him nonchalantly.

Anakin got in his face. "Never," he spat furiously, pacing back and forth. He then sighed and admitted, "They took Senator Dolly-Llama."

"Who took her where?" Obi-Wan questioned, looking at him.

Anakin shrugged. "I dunno," he replied, "I think her handmaidens took her shopping for some new clothes."

Obi-Wan nodded thoughtfully. "Ah, I see. Well Mr. Skyflopper, I've changed me mind." He got up. "I will go down to the Coruscant shopping mall and help you get back your bonny lass. Now, do we have an accord?" he held out his hand.

Anakin gave him a small smile and shook it eagerly. "Agreed," he replied.

The two raced out of the Council chambers, eager to find Senator Dolly-Llama and save her from her giggly and annoying handmaidens. Of course, Obi-Wan would never in a thousand years admit that he had been dating Sabè, one of Crabme's favorite decoys, for some time now.

Anakin followed Obi-Wan to the speeder platform. "You're gonna need my help on this one, master," he said as they strolled along the sidewalk.

"Oh, I agree," Obi-Wan... er...agreed. "However, it may yet be that this is all a misunderstanding. Or just a passing folly that her friends can hush up, and will in time be quite forgotten." He smiled at Anakin, who stared at him blankly.

"Who what when where why?" Anakin said, confused. "Repeat that in Basic, please."

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine, fine. However, it may yet turn out to be nothing more than a wild Bantha chase. Is that better?"

Anakin nodded. "Yep, now I get it."

"Oh, by the way," Obi-Wan went on, "I've got some good and bad news."

"Of what nature is this news?" Anakin questioned.

Obi-Wan looked at him strangely. "Since when did you start talking like the 1700's?" he asked.

"I dunno whatcha talkin' bout, mastah," Anakin shrugged, grabbing a mini detonator and throwing it a nearby building. He cackled insanely when it blew to smithereens. "Ooh, fun fun fun fun FUN!" he giggled, rubbing his hands together.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes again. "Anyways, as I was saying, the bad news is, I have just realized that I won't be able to help you find Senator Dolly-Llama, the Council wants me to go to Mootacow."

Anakin sulked.

"The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico." He plastered on a big grin.

Anakin rolled his eyes. "How many time have I heard that joke before?" he groaned.

"I have now heard it over two dozen times," Obi-Wan piped up proudly, puffing his chest out. Anakin poked it, and he doubled over, coughing. "I oughta slug you!" Obi-Wan yelled, glaring evilly at Anakin.

"MEEP!" Anakin shrieked, "Don't hurt us, master, we promise to do what you wants!"

"There is no promise you can make that I can trust," Obi-Wan sniffed, brushing himself off. "However, I can feel that I will overlook your action of meanness this time."

"Who da what?" Anakin squawked, "Mastah, you really have to start speaking in BASIC! I can't understand you when you talk like dat!"

"IN THE NAME OF!" Obi-Wan yelled, frustrated, "I SAID, I'll let it pass THIS TIME!"

Anakin nodded. "Well why didn't cha say so in da first place?" he giggled, slapping him on the back with his droid arm.

Obi-Wan fell to the floor, unconscious.

"Oh brother," Anakin sighed, and picked him up.

Obi-Wan finally managed to awaken, and Anakin took this opportunity to declare, "Obi-Wan, I've been stupid. (Wow, what a declaration.) I've been arrogant and not appreciative of your training."

Obi-Wan smiled. "You are strong and wise, Anakin, and I'm very proud of you. I have trained you since you were a small boy, and I've taught you everything I know. You will become a far greater Jedi than I could ever hope to be."

"Oh yeah?" Anakin sneered.

Obi-Wan's smile disappeared. "I take it back, you're an arrogant idiot who needs a major attitude adjustment," he snapped, and flounced down the stairs.

Anakin sulked.

Hope you liked it, I'll try to update soon. Encouraging reviews would be very nice.


	28. Clone Commander Toady and Sabe

Thank you so much for your encouraging reviews! only six more and I reach 100! that'd be great!

Mrs. Pippin Baggins: Me too! I love it when Anakin blows up things. Thank you for reviewing my other story, too!

RavenRulzRF: I have only one thing to say in response: YAY IDIOTS! THEY RULE THE GALAXY! Well, in this story, they do... thanks!

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: Thanks so much for your review! 'Just a passing folly that her friends can hush up...' that came from Pride and Prejudice, 'I oughta slug you', yes, from Charlie Brown, and thank you for everything else, especially for the encouragement! Those dudes who put me down are losers...

Lillies of the Valley: Knew it was you, Faint! Thanks!

le petit chou: Thanks for the review!

F-14 Ace: thanks for your reviews, I appreciate it!

FiveOunceSwallow: Gracias! I'm feeling better already!

alhmo3224: Thanks for the review! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

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Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars... but you already knew that. 

ONWARDS!

Obi-Wan strode thoughtfully down to where his Jedi starfighter and clone Commander Toady, who was with some of his troops, were waiting for him.

"Fortunately, most of the cities are concentrated on this small continent here, on the far side," Toady pointed out, motioning to the hologram projected by Obi-Wan's new droid, R4-K9. Because of his name, R4-K9 was usually called Canine, and it was of this nickname that he thought he was a dog.

Obi-Wan nodded, pretending to understand everything that Toady had been saying. "I'll just... uh... keep them... distracted until you get there," he fumbled, "Just don't take too long."

"Come on, when have I ever let you down?" Toady croaked, scowling.

"Well there _was_ that one time on Playto Neimoidia..." Obi-Wan began, rolling his eyes.

"Have a nice trip," Toady commented hurriedly, "You better get going, don't want to be late, do we?" he pushed Obi-Wan into his starfighter and shoved the hatch down. "Have fun!" he cheeped. "Oh, and before you leave, I got some good and bad news."

"What is it?" Obi-Wan yelled in a muffled tone.

"The bad news is, my pet froggy just died. The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurace by switching to Geico." Toady jumped down and watched, relieved, as Obi-Wan zoomed out of the hangar.

On his way into space, Obi-Wan took the time to play some of his messages he had missed. One was Anakin's. "Hey Obi-Wan, give me a ring when ya get the chance."

The Jedi Master scowled and pressed the redial button to call Anakin's apartment. "For the last blasted time, I will NOT give you a ring, Anakin!" he bellowed, "I don't own any sort of jewelry!" he abruptly shut off the comlink, fuming.

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Anakin, meanwhile, had just finished playing his newest PsP game and set down, growing bored.

Crabme, who had put on a new morning dress, came into the room, also doing nothing. She patted Anakin on the back and headed into the bedroom.

"Obi-Wan was here, wasn't he?" Anakin demanded for no good reason whatsoever.

"He came by this morning," Crabme sang, trying on a different hat, "He was worried about you." Actually Obi-Wan had come by to say a very mushy and romantic goodbye to Sabè, who was now hiding in the closet.

Anakin got up and followed Crabme into the bedroom.

"He says you're under a lot of stress," she went on.

"And he isn't?" Anakin sneered, playing with a feather on one of the hats.

Crabme whisked the hat away from him. "You have been moody lately," she said, glaring at him.

Anakin stared at her incredulously. "Excuse me?" he said in disbelief, "I'm not the one who has mood swings every five minutes."

Crabme's eyes welled up with tears. "You... you mean you don't... like me?" she wailed, "WAAAAAHHHH!" she began to sob uncontrollably.

Anakin sighed. "No, no, I'm sorry, that's not what I meant, okay, you're not moody... I am... very very... moody..." he patted her on the back.

Crabme brightened up immediately, sniffing. "Well it's good to see that you're admitted your act of wrongdoing," she retorted huffily.

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Oh for crying out loud," he sighed, "I need a Corellian whiskey."

"Get me one too," Crabme piped up, looking at her reflection in the mirror.

Anakin glared at her. "I feel so lost," he sighed, depressed.

"There you go with the moody attitude again," Crabme commented, shaking her head.

Anakin felt like choking her.

"Obi-Wan and the Council don't trust me," he blurted out, trying to blame someone else.

"Dude, they only like, trust you with their lives," Crabme snorted, "Duh..."

Anakin decidedly ignored her. "Something's happening," he went on, "I'm not the Jedi I should be. I want more. And I know I shouldn't." He looked down, ashamed.

Crabme looked confusedly at him. "I don't get it..." she replied, "You want more what? More money, more starship insurance, a better health care plan, more benefits, more vacations, more holidays...more what?"

"More everything," Anakin sighed again.

She whistled. "Then dude, that's gonna be one heck of a list," she snorted. "If I were the Jedi, I'd kick ya right out. Anyways, why do they need you if you're going to be so darn demanding?"

"The Jedi are turning against me, don't you turn against me," Anakin thundered.

"Man, I'm not even sure I know you anymore!" Crabme cried, throwing her hands up in despair. "You've become a different person! Like... like... an old cranky hag or something!"

Anakin gasped, glared at her, and stormed out of the room. "Fine, well, if you don't want to be saved from my dream of clutter, then that's YOUR problem, lady!" Anakin yelled before slamming the door.

Crabme looked on in confusion. "Shoulda gone for Obi-Wan..." she muttered.

"Hey, don't even think about it, he's mine!" Sabè barked, stepping out from the closet.

"Now would be a convenient time to either fire or kill you," Crabme said thoughtfully.

Sabè gasped. "You wouldn't!"

"Nah, I guess not. I mean, this hair won't do itself, now will it?" Crabme chuckled.

Sabè glared at her.

Well, that was that chapter. I updated, Finally!


	29. Flyon Medon and Flute Runaway

Well, I can't thank you enough for all of your wonderful reviews! It's what keeps me going, ya know!

Oh, before I say anything else, please go to my profile page and click on my homepage. It would be really nice if you signed my guestbook. But, if you don't want to do that, it's up to you! Just a suggestion!

RavenRulzRF: I don't know why I thought of Toady.. but anyways, thanks as always for being such a faithful reviewer! IDOTS RULE THIS GALAXY!

LilliesoftheValley: He he he! Too funny! Sabe is the decoy queen for Queen Amidala in the first film. She doesn't say much. Hey, did you know that she was actually played by Keira Knightley? Cool, huh?

Mrs. Pippin Baggins: Glad you got some laughs out of it, that's why I'm writing this story. I can't wait to make fun of Vader, though, it's gonna be awesome. Thanks for reviewing!

LuvObi: Well, you're in luck, because this chapter is all about HIM! Hey, if you want to read more stories with Obi-Wan in them, check out mine called "Legend of the Jedi X-Men: Attack of the Clones." You might like it! Thanks for reviewing!

F-14 Ace: Will do! Thanks for reviewing, glad you're laughing!

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: Hey, as I reviewed in your story, you're my 100th reviewer! YYAAAYY! Wow, that's a LOT of laughs! SO happy you liked all that stuff, I thought the mood swings was really funny, too!

longtallsally08: He he he! I sometimes do that... thanks for reviewing!

Beautiful Isle Jedi Chick: WOW! Thanks so much for reviewing my stories! I'm really glad you like how I'm making Anakin stupid without you getting mad. Anakin's cool though, but sometimes you have to let loose and have some laughs! Thanks for reviewing again!

Agent047: Thank you for reviewing, glad you like how I do Obi-Wan and Anakin. What am I gonna do to Grievous... or Fleavous? Hm, we'll have to see!

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Everyone, enjoy this chapter! 

Disclaimer: I own Star Wars. Yeah.. and I'm a Wookiee. Too bad I don't have Geico insurance, though.

Meanwhilst, Obi-Wan flew in his hot little Jedi starfighter to the weird and insane looking planet of Mootacow, trying to find General Fleavous. He finally shut off his Ipod and landed on one of the bases, which had giant dinasoarish looking canopy things.

Obi-Wan hopped out of the ship, humming merrily to one of his favorite tunes and saw some of the planet leaders coming towards him. Cramming an expired Pop-tart into his mouth, he coughed, choking, and hacked loudly. "IN THE NAME OF!" he suddenly shouted, causing everyone to turn and stare at him. "Uh, you can go about your business," he said, using a Jedi mind trick.

He thought a mind trick might be handy in the future if he ever needed to smuggle a young man and two droids out of a city somewhere on a remote and Force forsaken planet, which might have happened to be called Tatooine.

The head leader, who had a long blue face covered in indented stripes, strange looking eyes, and was about nine feet tall, was leaning a little bit on a cane, which could have been about Obi-Wan's height.

Obi-Wan stared up at him, curious. "Hey, why the long face?" he snickered, trying to bring some humor into the situation.

The Mootacowian glared at him. "Greetings, young... and short... Jedi," he finally said, "What brings you here to our remote sanctuary?"

"Unfortunately, I'm a bore," Obi-Wan sighed, shaking his head, depressed.

The alien, whose name was Fly-on Medon, straightened up and replied, "There are no boring people here, unless you've brought one with you."

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "I thought I just said that _I'm _the one who's a bore!" At this Fly-on made no reply, being quite confused. Obi-Wan sighed again. "Okay, I'll make this easier for you. I'm a very bored Jedi who's on the lookout for some general dude who hacks and coughs out the wazoo. He's tall, ugly, and his name's Fleavous. You know him?"

Fly-on thought for a minute. "I might have seen him at the Corellian performance of 'Squid Lake', but that might have been his second cousin twice removed on his mother's side."

Obi-Wan's jaw dropped in confusion.

"No, I don't think I've seen him," Fly-on confirmed, nodding his head. Suddenly, another alien came running up to him and whispered frantically into his ear. Fly-on nodded, looked around quickly, and suddenly grabbed the front of Obi-Wan's cloak, bringing him close to his face.

"WHOA!" Obi-Wan cried as he was yanked forward. He stared, a bit frightened and disturbed, at Fly-on.

"He is here..." Fly-on hissed. "We are being held hostage, they are watching us. Tenth level, thousands of bottle droids."

Obi-Wan stared at him. "You mean battle droids," He corrected.

Fly-on abruptly let go of his cloak, causing him to crash to the ground.

"Whoa-OWF!" Obi-Wan shouted.

Fly-on shushed him. "Keep it down, or else they will hear you!" he hissed again.

Obi-Wan scrambled to his feet and backed slowly away from the crazy alien. "Right then, I'd best be going to... uh... repair my tapestries back at home," he hurriedly thought up, and darted back into his starfighter.

"Is he bringing additional warriors?" one alien asked as the party turned away.

"He didn't say," Fly-on replied through clenched teeth, looking nervously around.

Obi-Wan looked at his astro droid, Arfour Canine. "Canine, take the fighter back to the ship, I'm staying here. And tell Toady I've made contact."

Canine made a barking sound, which Obi-Wan took to be an 'ok', and started the ship's engines. Obi-Wan cautiously hopped out and watched it zoom out of the hangar bay.

Obi-Wan decided to try an old style of getting around and found a dragon lizard animal that he could ride. The lizard's name was Toga. "Hi! Yah, left, right, forward, MARCH!" Obi-Wan ordered to the lizard, who stared at him and charged forward suddenly, causing the off-balance Jedi to... you guessed it, lose his balance.

"Forward, I mean go backward!" Obi-Wan shouted. "No, that's not the right way, where are you going, you blasted lizard?"

The lizard hissed at him angrily.

"Whoa!" he cried, leaning back suddenly. "Calm down, you're going to get us both killed!"

Toga rushed up to the level where Fleavous, along with all the Separatist leaders, were having a comfortable little chat.

"So, how is your family, Flute?" Fleavous questioned casually, sipping on some tea and munching on a biscut.

"Never better," Flute Runaway replied, "It's even nicer.. because I don't have one!"

All the leaders burst out into uproarious laughter, slapping their knees. Obi-Wan didn't see how that was all that funny.

"Oh, guys, before I forget, I have some good news and bad... AACCK! News," Fleavous said, wiping a tear from his eye, "The bad news, is, I think you guys should go somewhere else, they might find us... AAHEEEM! Here. I am sending you to the planet of Mustardfar. There... AAHACCK! You will be safe from the Jedi terrorists. The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to AAHEEEM! Geico!"

"Safe?" Flute echoed, ignoring the Geico joke, "I have doubts about your keeping us safe. Why only last month, you–"

"AACKK, AAHHEEM!" Fleavous wheezed, "If you'd rather be here getting killed by the Jedi, then fine! You just do that! Or, you could be on a nice warm planet drinking your tea and eating your biscuits! Which do you choose?"

The leaders looked at each other. Obi-Wan was tempted to raise his hand and yell out, "Go for the tea and biscuits!" But he didn't.

"To Mustardfar it is!" Flute cried out, raising his teacup in the air.

Obi-Wan leapt up in the air, punching it with his fist. He silently mouthed the word "YEEESSSS! Tea and biscuits!"

Well, he's certainly excited about tea and biscuts, isn't he? He won't get to have any... (sighs) Poor Obi! Oh well, now it's time for you to review! I have just the awesomest ideas for Luke in the next story!  



	30. The PHANTOM and ZORRRO!

SO terribly sorry for the long wait... I've had a bit of a writer's block. Also pondering wether or not to start a new story... BUT! I will not until I've finished this one. And the next one, too. Also I've got three other stories that need two sequels each. OUCH! Yes, that's the hard part about writing trilogies. But some oneshots are always a nice break, too.

Adame shmi Skywalker Vader: Hey, don't worry about not getting that many reviewers, I didn't either when I started to write fanfiction. If you would like me to help you in my reviews, like correcting mistakes and stuff, then I'd be glad to help you out. I Am Me will be updated as soon as possible, but I have to also update my Attack of the Clones story, which is nearly finished. A Narnia Star Wars crossover would be a great idea, there's only one other person I know of who has done one. I really don't know how to get people to co-write with you.. I've never asked anyone before. Maybe you just ask them if you review their stories. Thanks for reviewing!

Lillies of the Valley: Yeah, it is cool, isn't it? Anyways, hope you like this chapter, and thankz for reviewing, as always!

RavenRulzRF: I know what you mean... thanks for reviewing! There's some serious randomness in this chapter!

yodudes5: Absolutely love the penname. Well thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you like my story! Hope you like this chapter!

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: Yes, INSANITY AND IDIOCY RULE in this story! SO happy you like the Geico joke.. it's in this chapter, too! That and Coca Cola are kinda like my trademarks for this story.. Thanks for reviewing!

Super Tinfoil Man Part 2: HE HE HE HE! Ouch, coffee sounds like it would hurt coming out of the nose... so happy you like it! Hope you like this chapter!

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Disclaimer: Me? Own this utter coolness? You must have had one too many Coca Colas... 

WARNING: this chapter is very random... bits and pieces of different things... SO BE WARNED!

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Chapter... dang it, don't remember again... 

Obi-Wan waited there in hiding for about fifteen minutes, watching the Separatist leaders board their ships and leave the planet. Finally, it was time. Obi-Wan threw off his cloak gallantly and, pretending to be a certain Spanish swashbuckling hero from the nineteenth century whose name happened to begin with a 'Z', leapt down onto the ground, wishing desperately that he had brought his black fedora and mask.

"Wait," he said to himself suddenly, "I DID bring them!" he snickered and hopped back up to Toga. He snatched his hat and mask, put them on, and jumped back down, feeling very lucky that no droids had seen him yet.

But thinking it over, he decided that he didn't want to be a swashbuckling hero, so he sighed, hopped back up to Toga, took off the fedora and mask, and dug through his satchel again. He then whisked out a wig, a long black cape, and a white mask that covered half of his face.

Clearing his throat, he stood in the shadows, smirking. "DID I NOT INSTRUCT... THAT BOX FIVE WAS TO BE KEPT OPEN?" he boomed, his voice echoing menacingly throughout the hangar bay.

Fleavous spun around, looking frantically for the masked offender who had dared to enter his domain. "WHO ENTERS MY DOMAIN?" he hollered furiously.

"ONE WHO WILL HAVE YOUR ALLEGIANCE... allegiance...allegiance..." Obi-Wan's voice echoed again.

Fleavous eyed the hangar bay, growling in fury. "This fool will not escape our nets," he hissed, curling his fingers into balls. "Come out where I can see you, you coward!" he shouted out.

"My name ISN'T HOWARD!" Obi-Wan howled, mightily wounded. He clutched his chest dramatically.

Fleavous got an idea. "Well then..." he spoke up again, "What is your name?"

"Why should I tell you?" Obi-Wan questioned indignantly. "You're not my friend, you're my enemy!"

"A Jedi scum!" Fleavous bellowed, "Search the entire area for this Force using clown," he told the guards, "I don't want him to escape!"

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "Wait," he called down, "How do you know I'm a Jedi, anyways?"

Fleavous stopped dead in his tracks, feeling rather foolish.

"Ooh, poor guy, must've had a heart attack," Obi-Wan mused, seeing how the general wasn't moving at the moment.

But suddenly General Fleavous narrowed his eyes and continued to pace around, hoping that the sensors would pick up the Jedi. Person. Thing. Who had dared to come into his hideout.

Obi-Wan was getting rather tired of all these dealings and decided to meet the General face to face. "I WILL COME OUT IN APPROXIMATELY... mately... mately..." he shouted, "FIFTEEN MINUTES!"

Fleavous nodded. "Ah, well, in that case," he sighed, plumping into a seat, "I shall take some rest before this fool comes out and fights me." He ordered some more tea and biscuits, flipping through the pages of a magazine. On one of the pages, there was the joke of the day.

Fleavous chuckled and glanced at one of his droid guards. "I have some good and bad news," he began. "The bad news is, AAAHHEEEM! One of the Jedi... I think, has found our hideaway. The good news is, I've just saved a bunch of money on my starship AAHHACCK! Insurance by switching to Geico."

The droid didn't do anything.

Fleavous narrowed his eyes again and looked at the page. "Oh..." he said, realizing that what he had thought to be the joke, wasn't actually the joke. It was an advertisement for Geico. Fleavous turned to the real joke page and read it. He then cleared his throat and turned to the droid again.

"What do you get... AAHEM! When you cross an angry respirator-using Sith lord, two lightsabers, and a Jedi-in-training?" he asked.

The droid didn't do anything... again.

"Give AAAHEEEM! Up?" Fleavous asked. "A son named Skywalker with only one hand and no lightsaber! AHH ha ha ha ha... wait...I don't AACKK! Get it..." Fleavous continued, quite confused.

"Tiiiime's UP!" Obi-Wan suddenly shouted to himself, hopping down onto the ground. He faced General Fleavous boldly. "Hello, there!" he called out cheerfully.

Fleavous turned around, growling. Suddenly he went as white as... well... a clean stormtrooper's uniform. Which was rare. "It's... it's... YOU!" he shrieked suddenly, startling Obi-Wan, as well as the rest of the droids.

Obi-Wan's face, well, what you could see of it, crumpled in agony. "My name isn't 'you', either!" he cried, feeling very defeated.

"No, no, you're AACKK! The Phantom of the Opera!" Fleavous continued, staring in awe at the pretended Phantom. "But somehow I always thought you'd be a little taller..."

Obi-Wan glared at him. "Well I'm sorry to disappoint you," he snapped angrily, crossing his arms over.

"Could you teach me how to use the Punjab lasso like yours?" Fleavous begged him.

"No, seeing as how you have wounded my pride and dignity," Obi-Wan retorted stiffly.

Fleavous was rather angry that the 'Phantom' wouldn't teach him the wonderful art of Punjab lassoing. "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" he screeched furiously.

Obi-Wan felt trapped, so he suddenly leapt up into the air, which made his cape and wig come off, and jumped to the ground, lightsaber in hand. He ripped off his mask, causing Fleavous to gasp.

"You deceived AAAHEM! me..." the droid general declared brokenly.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "YA THINK?" he snorted.

Fleavous growled again. "You're the Jedi scum!" he shouted, "I was right all along! I'll do you for this!"

"Do what?" Obi-Wan questioned. "If you haven't noticed, I have a lightsaber and well, you don't. Major difference here. I have the advantage."

"Oh really?" Fleavous asked, "Well, I have a few surprises up my sleeve, if you didn't notice, General Kenobi!"

Obi-Wan was confused. "But.. you don't have any sleeves," he added practically.

Fleavous felt really stupid. "Uh... right then," he muttered. "But it's just a figure of speech, anyways!"

"Your move," Obi-Wan continued nonchalantly, swinging his lightsaber around confidently.

What will happen now? Well, review, and I'll tell you in the next chapter! Thank you, and hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	31. The Boiled Potatoes and Wheel Scooter

Yes, yes, I know I haven't updated in AGES! (runs away as angry reviewers throw mini detonators at self) Anyways, I finally decided to just start on a new page, right from where we left off. I write every chapter just before I post it, but with my other stories, which are already mostly prewritten, I can't do the same. SO SORRY! For all of you who are waiting for me to start the sequel to I Am Me, I don't know when I can, but I'll try and see what I can do.

For those of you who have read Men Behind the Masks: I've made a sequel, so go to my profile and check it out! It's really funny! We're comparing Han to Monsieur Firmin... insane, huh?

mrsblonde1503: Hey, that's a fantastic idea! I'll have to use that in 'A New Mope'! Ooops... now I just gave away the name for the sequel... oh well! Thanks for reviewing!

LilliesoftheValley: Well, seeing as how I've never seen the play... the movie. Which I own. It's one of my fav movies ever... you're welcome for putting in a line! There's one in here, too! Thanks for reviewing as usual!

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: Sorry for making you wait so long! glad you liked the Geico.. guess what, it's in this chapster, too!

RavenRulzRF: Yeah, so totally! He he he!

Super Tinfoil Man Part 2: I shall do just that! Here you go!

Adame shmi Skywalker Vader: Why thank you very much! I've been just peachy! Well, I've written an interlude because I can't reach the file that contains my sequel... so feel free to read the interlude!

Esteban T. Rodriguez: Yes, it does! Indeed! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Master Arie Skywalker: He he he! So happy you liked the part with Fleavous reading the mag! So did I!

Emerald Tiara: Thank you for reviewing! 'In the name of' is just a famous saying by Obi-Wan that I got from the movie... I really don't know what comes after that!

The Lady Badger: So glad you liked the Geico joke in that chapter! And I'm happy that your friends at school laughed, too! Thank you so much!

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Chapter 31 (YES! I REMEMBERD!)

"You fool!" Fleavous hissed, "I've been trained in your Jedi arts by Count Frootloop!"

Obi-Wan smirked. "Well in that case, I've really got nothing to worry about, now do I?"

Fleavous growled at him, and ignited four lightsabers. "Mwa ha ha ha AAACKKK!"

Obi-Wan sighed as Fleavous tried desperately to untangle his four arms, which had quickly gotten stuck. "Here, you need some help?" he asked, growing tired of the situation.

"NO!" Fleavous snapped, "I'm… ACKK! Fine!" In truth, he wasn't fine, but of course he didn't want to admit that.

A few droids came by to watch the spectacle, but quickly left when they saw the death glares that Fleavous gave them.

Finally, after about twenty minutes, the droid general managed to get himself untangled and charged at Obi-Wan, who was at that point eating biscuits and watching "The Phantom of the Opera."

Fleavous halted when he saw Christine singing and sat down in a chair, eager to see the movie again. "Pass the tea, please," he said pleasantly, taking a tea cup for himself.

Obi-Wan nodded. "Here you go," he replied good naturedly, and leaned back, relaxing.

After they had bawled their eyes out in the ending, they sniffed, emptied a whole box of tissues, and patted their rather full stomachs.

"Ahh, what a superbly featured room, and what excellent boiled potatoes," Obi-Wan said, "To which of the droids am I to thank for this?"

"Obi-Wan, we are perfectly able to keep a cook," Fleavous said, affronted.

"Excellent," Obi-Wan nodded. "And now, to supper."

Fleavous was confused. "But we just had supper, you Jedi fool!" he cried, "We had biscuits, potatoes, popcorn, roast beef, and Pepsi!"

Obi-Wan leapt up suddenly and brandished his lightsaber. "Are you calling me a liar?" he demanded.

Fleavous drew out his lightsabers again and glared. "Yes, you Jedi scum, I am! Army or not, you are doomed!"

The two then began to fiercely… ahem… duel, lightsabers clashing. Obi-Wan chopped off two of Fleavous's hands, rendering them useless, and Force-pushed him into a wall.

"That's one point for Kenobister!" Obi-Wan cheered. "Zero for the droid!"

Fleavous ran towards a machine called a wheel scooter, jumped in as quickly as he could, turned it around towards Obi-Wan's direction, and zoomed towards him at full speed.

"WHOA!" Obi-Wan cried, hopping carefully out of the way. "YO! Toga! Get your sorry butt up here!" he whined.

Toga ran up to him, nearly running him over. He jumped on and raced after Fleavous.

"HEEEREE I come to save the DAAAAAY!" Obi-Wan shouted, brandishing his lightsaber. Unfortunately, he waved it around so dramatically that it dropped out of his hand and fell onto the ground beneath him. "IN THE BLASTED NAME OF!" he screamed shrilly.

We shall now interrupt with a commercial break.

"So, if we put 200 Pepsi bottles there, and moved those over there, then we could have a Pepsi bottle temple!" Mace Windu said cheerfully, as he, Soda, Me-Adi-Looni, Commander Toady, and the hot Jedi general chick Aayla Secura were discussing… or SUPPOSED to be discussing the battles going on.

"EUREKA!" Soda shouted triumphantly, chugging down another Pepsi.

Aayla was the only one who was seriously trying to tell the council members what was going on. "You idiots!" she cried, "I'm in the midst of a battle and here you are sitting on your lazy butts and drinking ample amounts of sugar filled drinks! It isn't healthy!"

"Does that mean yoush care about ush, my deeeeaarsh?" Looni slurred, giving her a cheesy grin.

She gave him a disgusted look and shook her head. "You are impossible."

"Uh, masters, may I interrupt?" Commander Toady sheepishly asked, a hologram of him coming up.

Mace shot him a withering glance. "This had better be good," he answered stiffly.

"Some gory and bloody details, give us!" Soda cheeped.

Aayla fought the urge to hurl.

Toady looked uncomfortable. "Uh… sure… I just wanted to tell you that Master Kenobi has made contact with General Fleavous, and we have begun our attack. Oh, and I've good some good and bad news. The bad news is, I don't have any gory details. The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico!"

Mace glared at him. "That's not interesting, you stupid fool!" he hissed. "Go and boil your bottom!" he abruptly shut off the hologram.

"Mastterrsh… there are ladieshh present…" Looni reminded him.

Soda looked at him evilly. "Your point, what is? Matters, it does not," he commented rudely.

Aayla rolled her eyes, but brightened up when Kit-Kat Fisto came on as a hologram.

"KIT! ME AMOREE!" she fairly shrieked, trying in vain to hug him.

The council stared at her, wide-eyed.

"Uh… what I mean to say is…" she went on, embarrassed. "We.. uh… are just really good friends."

Soda eyed Kit-Kat, who blushed considerably. "Hmm…" he said thoughtfully.

"THE PHAAAAANTOM OF THE OPERA IS HEEEEREE… INSIDE YOOOURR MIIIND!" Anakin shrilly sang at the top of his lungs, making his entrance known to everyone.

Everyone cowered, winced, and covered their ears. "PAAAIN! TOO MUCH PAAIN!" Mace wailed, bawling his eyes out.

"Yo, Mastah, what's happenin'?" Anakin asked happily, rolling next to Mace on his skateboard. It was his new hobby, since Crabmé had stolen all the rest of his hats. Blowing up things was still a favorite, though.

"Erm... we WERE having a good time before SOMEBODY came in SCREAMING at the top of his lungs and totally CRASHED our party," Mace hissed furiously.

Anakin instantly drew out a mini detonator and looked around the room for the intruder who had done such a thing. "What kind of insane idiot would do something STUPID like that?"

They all glared at him.

Well, I wonder what's going to happen next.. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review and thanks!


	32. The Secret of Secrets and the Cookies

Hey guys, I'm BAAACK! And this chapter is a bit longer... introducing.. the COOKIES! I put them in here, number one, because I forgot to put them in before, and number two, because Super Tinfoil Man Part 2 asked that they be put in. Hope you enjoy! Thank you for your awesome reviews.

DarkXVulcanJediKnightofEregion: Thank you so much for your wonderful review. Yes, I am a Jane Austen fan! That potato bit was from the 2005 version, but I have seen the A&E version, too! Actually, I own both! Thanks for your review! Guess what's in this chapter... yes, GEICO!

Jedi Master Arie Skywalker: Thanks for your review, I just one day came up with that name. Spur of the moment, actually. Thanks for reviewing!

Emerald Tiara: Thanks for reviewing! Hope you like this chapter.

Spasmo: I'm glad that you think so! I can't wait to start the sequel.

LilliesoftheValley: As a matter of fact, that line is from Pride and Prejudice, starring Keira Knightley. I'm happy that you like the POTO thing, everyone else does, too! I'll have to add some more of that in in the next few chapters.. thank you for reviewing!

Agent047: I thank you very much for reviewing all of those chapters! I'm so happy that you like all that stuff.. Frootloop, Anakin's mood swings, Obi-Wan being a space pirate... thanks!

Super Tinfoil Man Part 2: The Wookies.. or Cookies are in this chapter!

RavenRulzRF: Yes, he totally is. Me Amoree means 'my love' in Italian. Thanks for reviewing!

Adame shmi Skywalker Vader: Why did Crabme steal his hats? Because she's a weird and pregant woman. Yes, I love Kit and Aayla parings.. there SO should have been more in the movies of them. Thanks for reviewing! I have another chapter up on my latest I Am Me interlude if you want to read!

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Disclaimer: I own Star Wars. Wait, do the DVD's count? 

Chapter 32. I'm pretty sure...

"Someone needs to have his head examined," Aayla muttered before singing off.

"I know, that Obi-Wan…" Anakin rolled his eyes. "Sheesh! Anyways, you wanted me to bring Monsieur Scalps some news?"

Mace nodded, still very angry at him. "Tell him that we didn't get any gory OR bloody details," he answered. "But Obi-Wan has engaged General Fleavous, and they have begun their attack."

Anakin's jaw dropped. "Obi-Wan's… Fleavous… engaged…" he fainted dead away on the floor with a WHOMP!

The Council members stared at his still form lying on the ground.

"Eee hee hee hee," Looni giggled, drinking the last of his Corellian whiskey.

"Great cake we must tear," Soda remarked thoughtfully.

Mace raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"He means," Anakin piped up, jumping up from the ground, "Great _care_ we must _take_."

Soda glared at him indignantly. "Mean that, I did not!" he snapped, tossing his Pepsi can away. "Meant what I said, I did!"

"Well we don't have a stupid cake!" Mace bellowed, steam coming out from his ears.

"Sure we do," Soda replied. "In the secret freezer in the basement, it is." Suddenly, he gasped in shock and slapped a hand over his mouth, realizing that he had betrayed… the secret of secrets.

Anakin let out a triumphant whoop. "HAALELUJAH!" he screamed, hopping up and down. "FREE CAKE AND JUNK FOOD FOR EEEETERNITY! I'VE DISCOVERED THE GREAT SECRET!" Shrieking in victory, he leapt out of the room, ecstatic.

Mace slowly turned to give Soda the death glare. "You do realize that there aren't enough Jedi to protect the special freezer from Anakin?" he hissed furiously. "He'll eat everything we've stored up for CENTURIES! MILLENNIUMS!" He stormed out of the room.

Soda's ears sadly drooped. He then whisked out another Pepsi to make himself feel better.

Anakin happily skipped over to Chancellor Scalpatine's joint, thoughts of junk food plastered firmly into his brain.

Scalpatine was at that moment playing Xbox, and the game was Fellowship of the Ring. He was playing Frodo, trying to hide himself from the Ringwraiths. "Aaallmost… past them…" he hissed to himself, making his character slowly inch past the wraith.

"GOOD NEWS!" Anakin hollered, sticking his head in the door.

Scalpatine jumped ten feet out of his cushy seat and pressed the button which made Frodo throw an apple at the wraith. The wraith saw him, and the game was over. Scalps had to start all over again.

"Dang it!" he bellowed, "I was almost there!" He turned around quickly, his eyes turning a sickly (and Sithly) yellow. "There had better be a good reason for this, Skywalker!" he barked.

Anakin, his good mood not to be dampened, nodded cheerfully, humming Angel of Music. "Indeedee I do, Scalps!" he chirped. He plopped down into a seat.

"Weelll…?" Scalps impatiently drummed his fingers on his chair.

"I've got some good news and bad news," Anakin began. "The bad news is, there are no bloody and gory details about the war. The good news is, I've just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico!"

Scalps glared at him. "No gory details?" he hollered. "What DO I pay you blasted Jedi for, anyways?"

Anakin ignored him. "Oh yeah, have you heard the other good news?" he continued on presently.

"What?" Scalpatine asked, glowering.

Anakin leaned forward and said, "Obi-Wan's getting married!"

Scalpatine gasped in shock. "Obi-Wan? Married? To whom? Wait, I thought Jedi aren't allowed to marry, anyways!"

"Well, I thought so too, but you know how there are those rule breakers every now and then," Anakin nervously chuckled. "As I was saying, Obi's engaged to General Fleavous! A droid! I didn't believe it myself at first…"

Scalpatine stared at him. "This is supposed to be good news?" he asked.

Anakin nodded.

"Well I think that's the weirdest thing I've ever heard," Scalpatine said, shaking his head.

"Me too," Anakin piped up.

"OH SCALLPY!" a shrill voice screeched from the doorway. "I've got some company for you!"

Anakin and Scalpatine turned to see Crabmé sticking her head through the door, wearing none other than Anakin's famous peacock and pigeon feathered hat.

"Oh, Ani Shmani, you're here!" she remarked cheerfully. "What a surprise!"

"I know, ain't it?" Anakin said, winking at her.

"Indeedee it is!" she replied, skipping into the room. Behind her followed some fellow senators.

Crabmé sat down gracefully into a seat and said to Scalps, "You know, Scalpy, my fellow sens and I have been thinking. You're gonna give up your power after the war is done, right?"

Scalpatine was at a loss for words. "Uh… 'sens'?" he asked, not understanding what she was talking about.

Crabmé rolled her eyes. "Yeah duh! You know, senators?"

"Oh," Scalpatine answered. "Well, of course, there will be a return of democracy. Actually I was picturing more of a Galactic Empire, but…"

"SPLENDIDITY!" Crabmé yelped happily, interrupting him. "Exactly what I was hoping to hear. Sorry about your heart attack, Scalpy, and have a nice day!" she merrily trotted out of the room with the other senators following her.

Anakin glanced at Scalpatine. "Heart attack, eh?" he chuckled. "What, too many tortilla chips and salsa? Too many nachos?"

Scalps gave him a withering glare. "It was nothing of the sort," he snapped shortly.

Out on Cashier where Soda was helping the Cookies fight the war, Soda was sitting out on a platform with two Cookies, one named Chewie Cookie Dough, or Chewie for short, and the other named Toll House.

Soda wasn't actually fighting. He was at that moment sun bathing on a deck chair, watching the clones, Cookies, and droids battle each other. A Pepsi was in his hand and he was reading the magazine _Being A Jedi Over 800 years old_. He had sunglasses on, too.

Chewie and Toll House were roaring to each other, thinking about what a lame helper Soda was.

Suddenly, a blaster shot whizzed by Soda's face. "IDIOTS!" he shrieked, shaking his measly little scrawny fist at the droids. "GO AND BOIL YOUR BLASTED BOTTOMS!"

Chewie and Toll House winced at Soda's use of colorful language.

"I think having him stay here was a bad idea," Chewie growled.

Toll House nodded in agreement.

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Eee hee hee hee! I love those names. Hope you liked that chapter, and don't forget to review!  



	33. Bimbo De Limbo and Flippin De Lippin

Here's the next chapter, people! I love this one, hope you do too! Enjoy!

Pip Baggins: You did! Congrats!

Super Tinfoil Man Part 2: You liked King Kong? I didn't. Well, to each his own. Glad you liked the last chapter, hope you like this one!

Raven Rulz RF: Yes, Anakin is. YEAH IDIOTS!

The Lady Badger: I thought it was funny, too. YES, I think you're the only one who caught that Monty Python quote! That movie is the best!

Emerald Tiara: I don't think I am... thanks for reviewing!

Phantom Creedy Lover: I love your story, thanks for reviewing!

Lillies of the Valley: You didn't get the Padme thing? That's ok. She's very random. Thanks so much for reviewing!

Infinite Inferno: You're going to the secret freezer, too? Let's all go! Free cake for everyone who reviews!

DarkX: I hope you don't mind me abbreviating your penname. If you don't like it I'll do your full one again. RANDOM INSANITY RULES IN THIS STORY! WHOO! Yes, those Cookies are GREAT ideas! I read Indy, great chapter!

Yokel: Thank you so much! Enjoy this chapter!

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Disclaimer: See some other BRILLIANT Chapter! I'm so humble... 

Back to Anakin and ol' Scalpatine.

"They cannot be trusted," Scalps informed Anakin all knowingly, motioning to the senators who had disappeared out the door.

Anakin frowned and looked at him. "Why not?" he pouted.

"Because… they're… uh…" Scalpatine fumbled for a good reason, but couldn't think of any. "Senator Dolly-Llama is hiding something…" he was of course just making it up, but Anakin fell for it. Literally.

WHOMP! I forgot to inform you of Anakin's bad habit of falling flat on his face. But I'm doing it now… right? Anyways, as Scalps and Anakin were talking about Crabmé, Anakin fell flat on his face, tripping over his own feet.

"Anakin, are you all right?" Scalpatine asked him worriedly, staring down at him.

Anakin opened one eye. "Who's Anakin?" he asked, words slurred, "My name's Bimbo De Limbo."

Scalps stared at him, worried. "What?" he asked, taken aback.

Anakin jumped up promptly and pulled out a fake clown nose. He grinned, pushed it onto his nose hard, and went around yelling: "HONK! HONK! HONK! I'M BIMBO DE LIMBO! HONK!" He then Force grabbed Scalpatine's Darth Plagueis the Fried statues and began to juggled them, running around the room. But because he was a complete klutz, he fell FLOMP! Right on his face. The statues fell to the floor, but didn't break. They were made out of a special durasteel metal.

"NOOOOO!" Scalps shrieked, lunging mighty quick for an old geezer like himself, "DOON'T DOOO THAT!"

Anakin sat up and pouted. "BUT WHY NAWT?"

"These are my special Plagueis figurines!" Scalps reminded him, setting them back up on the shelf.

"THEY'RE STATUES!" Anakin hollered, waving his arms wildly in the air.

Scalps simply glared at him. "Anakin, really, use your sense, boy!" he snapped angrily.

Anakin cocked his head to one side, bewildered. "Who's Anakin?" he asked, standing up again. "My name's Flippin' De Lippin'!" With that, he began running around the room, making noises like a duck. "QUACK! QUACK!" he shrieked wildly, "MY NAME'S FLIPPIN' DE LIPPIN'!"

Scalps stared at him. "What did I do to deserve this?" he asked himself. Suddenly he had an idea. "Anakin!" he cried, "Help save Crabmé!"

Anakin skidded to a stop in front of him, panting and wide-eyed. "What did you say?" he asked distantly.

Inwardly Scalpatine rejoiced, glad that he had finally managed to get Anakin's attention for the present moment.

"I said, help me save Crabmé, Anakin. Learn to use the Dark Side of the Force. Only through YOURS TRULY can you achieve a power greater than ANY rotten Jedi." He and Anakin circled each other.

They stopped, and Anakin seemed to be considering Scalp's words. Suddenly Anakin's face became worried.

"I have to find him!" He yelled, trying to dart out of the room, but only succeeded in falling flat on his face. "I have to find him to help me save Crabmé!"

"HEEELLLO!" Scalps called, annoyed, "I'm right here!" he waved.

Anakin shook his head quickly. "Not YOU!" he returned, "I don't even know you! I have to find Yours Truly so he can help me save Crabmé from the clutter!"

"Wait, Anakin, yours truly is ME!" Scalps cried. Unfortunately Anakin had already run out the door, so he didn't hear him.

"DANG IT!" Scalps shrieked.

When we last met Obi-Wan…

He was riding on Toga, chasing after the deadly General Fleavous!

When we last met General Fleavous… he was being chased by the deadly Colonel Obi-Wan Dreadobi!

When we last met Princess Leia… wait, we haven't met Princess Leia before.

Moving on. Fleavous and Obi-Wan were fighting each other like crazy, hitting, punching, while riding on their vehicles. Finally Obi-Wan jumped onto Fleavous's scooter and pulled him off before it ran over the edge.

The two were lying on the ground, trying to catch their breaths.

"Ooh, that cloud looks like a bug!" Obi-Wan pointed out.

Fleavous nodded. "And that one looks like a Sith lord!" he added, pointing to another one.

Obi-Wan looked at him strangely. "Sure…" he replied, rolling his eyes. "You're weird, you know that, Fleavous?"

"Sure do!" Fleavous replied cheerfully, standing up. Walking over to Obi-Wan, he suddenly glared at him and pushed him into a random ship that was there.

"OAF!" Obi-Wan cried, flying into the ship.

Fleavous was enraged. "AM NOT!" he roared, and tried to hit Obi-Wan across the face. However, Obi-Wan managed to duck and kicked Fleavous's leg, which didn't do anything, only caused him a considerable amount of pain.

"DIE JEDI DOG!" Fleavous shrieked, throwing him off of the platform.

Obi-Wan rolled off and suddenly found himself resting on a cushion of… something. He looked down and saw that he was actually resting on a hoverchair.

"COOL BEANS!" he cried, maneuvering the chair up. "Look at what I GOT!" he bragged to Fleavous, who was staring at him.

"WHEEE!" he cried, spinning around until he got himself incredibly dizzy. He fell out of the chair and onto the ground. "I feel terrible," he said distantly.

Fleavous glared at him. "I always knew there was a reason Han Solo didn't like you," he hissed, "You stole his line!"

Obi-Wan slowly got up before falling down again. He grabbed for something to hit Fleavous with, but only ended up with a blaster. "This won't do," he pouted, and began firing shots randomly around the platform.

One of the shots bounced off a wall and hit Fleavous on the stomach, causing the droid general to fall flat on his face, blowing up into tiny pieces.

"Oh, Commander Toady," Obi-Wan continued nonchalantly, talking into his comlink, "I've got some good and bad news. The bad news is, Fleavous is blown up. The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico."

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Hope you liked this chapter, it's one of my favs. Don't forget to review!  



	34. Enter: Darth Elevator!

Thank you so much for your reviews! Here is the next chapter!

Infinite Inferno: Thank you for your review! I didn't find it offensive, of course it's random!

Adame shmi Skywalker Vader: Thanks so much for your review, glad you liked the chapter!

Super Tinfoil Man Part 2: Thanks for your review, dude! Appreciate it!

LilliesoftheValley: Thank you ever so much! And for reviewing my POTO story, too!

alhmo6224: That's ok! Thanks for reviewing again.

RavenRulzRF: Yep, the Geico joke is one of my specialties! thank you!

DarkX: Thanks! Glad you like the Geico... guess what? Yes, it's in this chapter, too!

Agent047: Where can you find that book? At of course! He he he! And I'm sure Scalps would be happy to give you spanish lessons, lol! Thanks!

Pip B.: Thanks for your review! Glad you liked it.

Hoonah: Thank you for reviewing my stories! I'm happy that you like my profile. I'm not afraid to tell people if I'm a Christian. Here's the next chapter, so don't die! Your idea about Boostraps Ben Kenobi is great... that will have to be in the sequel!

completely-obsessed: I thank you for your review, you just made my day!

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Chapter... something or whatever! 

Disclaimer: If I did own Star Wars... well, let's just say Scalpatine would have beat the bush a LONG time ago... in a galaxy far, far away...

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Meanwhile, poor Anakin was racing around aimlessly, searching for a person that didn't exist. 

"ARE YOU YOURS TRULY!" He screeched to random passer-bys. They just stared at him, freaked out.

Finally, he made his way to the Temple, where he found Mace Windbag. "YOO HOO!" He yelled, grabbing Mace's collar and yanking him close, "I've discovered the secret of secrets!" he hissed, looking around.

Mace stared at him. "Look, Anakin, I already know that you know about the freezer, but.."

"NOT… THAT!" Anakin hissed furiously. "I know who the Sith lord is!"

Mace gaped and said, "Well, who?"

"It's… it's… YOURS TRULY!" Anakin shrieked wildly, running around in circles.

"I KNEW you were a Sith lord!" Mace cried, brandishing his lightsaber quickly. Anakin stared at him blankly.

"I beg your pardon?" he asked.

Mace sighed. "You just said that you're the Sith lord!" he told Anakin.

Anakin shook his head, confused. "Noo… I said that _yours truly_ was the Sith! Not me! Get your facts straight, old man!" He whacked Mace upside his bald head.

"OW!" Mace yelled angrily, rubbing his head. "But I don't get it, yours truly means you!"

Anakin shook his head and began to meander around casually. "Nope, Yours Truly, I think, is Chancellor Scalpatine. At least, that's what he said. I don't remember, I suffer from short term memory loss. Oh wait, that's ALSO what Scalps said, too. Silly me," he snickered, "I'm getting my facts all mixed up!"

"Tally ho!" Mace shouted, "We're off to kill Scalpatine! Who's with me?"

A few Jedi jumped onto the ship, and Anakin tried to follow them. But he ended up tripping on his robes and fell flat on his face. WHUMP!

"Blasted Jedi robes," he muttered. The ship started to zoom off without him. "Wait for MEEEE!" he wailed, clawing at it.

"Just stay here while we kill him!" Mace called, raising his hand in a farewell. "MtFbwy!"

Anakin scratched his head. "WHAT!" Shaking his head, he went up to the Council chambers and sat in Obi-Wan's chair. Thoughts of Scalp's conversation had the wheels turning in his head. He stood up and saw Crabmé, cleaning the windows, while at the same time, trying on another one of his hats and eating scrambled eggnog. He knew what he had to do, so he decided that he had to do it. Time to get going and do what needed to be done! Dude…

He raced out and jumped into a random ship, heading for the Senate chambers.

Meanwhilst, the Jedi, with Mace Windbag at the lead, entered Scalp's chambers.

"You are under arrest, milord," Mace said, glaring at him. Scalpatine wheeled around, nachos stuffed into his wrinkled mouth.

"Mexcuse me?" he said, crumbs falling down into his lap.

Windbag rolled his eyes and repeated, "I SAID, you are under arrest!"

Scalpatine gulped and replied, "For what? I can't help it if I chose Progressive instead of Geico!" his eyes welled up with tears. "I…" he sniffed, "Get better quotes!" With that, he broke down into sobs.

The Jedi stood there uncomfortably. "Um well…" Kit-Kat began. "That's ok. We're arresting you because you're a Sith lord."

Scalpatine wiped the tears away. "Oh, is that all? I thought it was because I chose Progressive," he sniffed, smiling, embarrassed. "Never mind! DIE YOU FOOLS!" he suddenly shrieked, and began to kill all the Jedi. Fortunately for Kit-Kat, Scalps was afraid of octopuses and didn't go near him.

Eventually, the fight led Windbag and Scalps to the large window, which was smashed and broken into tiny pieces. Scalps lost his lightsaber and lay there, cowering in fear.

Anakin showed up, munching on a cookie, and casually strolled inside. Mace waved him back, while Anakin stood there, watching the scene, his mouth bulging with mashed up cookie.

"I told you the Jedi were taking over!" Scalpatine said to him, "Look, see what they've done to mee!"

Anakin just stared at him, munching on his cookie nonchalantly. Mace glared at him.

"No, he is the traitor!" he cried, and blocked the oncoming Sith lightning.

"I… I can't hold on any longer," Scalps whimpered, becoming even more wrinkled than anyone ever thought possible. Anakin just continued to stare at him, picking cookie bits out of his teeth.

"Well then don't!" Mace shouted back, as Scalpatine stopped.

Anakin suddenly whipped out his lightsaber, still acting nonchalantly, swiped off Mace's arm, and pushed him off of the building. Scalpatine cackled evilly and stood up slowly.

"You're fulfilling your destiny," he said gleefully.

"Am I?" Anakin said airily, "I was just getting rid of him because he chose Progressive starship insurance instead of Geico."

Scalpatine paled. "Um… well… I have some good news. I just save a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico!" He didn't want to tell Anakin that that was a complete LIE, since he was afraid of being killed.

"That's nice...so anyways, can I have another cookie?" Anakin continued, picking more cookie bits out of his teeth.

Scalpatine cleared his throat. "After you kill all the Jedi in the temple, my young apprentice," he replied, "Henceforth, you shall be called Darth…. Elevator!"

"Sure.. fine… whatever," Anakin replied, rather annoyed by the whole charade.

Sidiot rubbed his hands together and sat down at his seat. "Go then!" he said, as Anakin left, pulling his hood over his eyes.

* * *

It looks like Anakin has turned to the Dark side! Enter Darth Elevator! He he he.. I just love that name! Don't forget to review!


	35. ObiWan's Rock Climbing Issues

Thank you guys so much for all your reviews. I have the BEST ideas for the original trilogy, so I'm trying to hurry this story up a little bit so I can get to the other stories!

AND! Has anyone seen X-Men 3 yet? If so, tell me if you thought it was good or not. I'm getting mixed reviews and haven't seen it yet.

Super Tinfoil Man Part 2: You did? Well, I'd take the physiciatrist's advice. Thank you so much for reviewing!

Gimlihamster: Thank you! I will.

Hoonah: Do I like the Island? I love that movie! I think it totally rocks! I also think Ben having a job as a pirate would be great, I'll have to incorporate that in somewhere. Thanks!

Sandra09: Thank you very much! I'm glad that you like my writing!

Adame: I hope you don't mind me abbreviating your penname. I'll change it back to normal if you want. Yes, Anakin turned to Darth Elevator! Thanks to you guys, I chose that name. Unique, isn't it? Great chapter on your story!

LilliesoftheValley: Ok! And thank you for reviewing my POTO story! A lot of SW fans like POTO, too! And I'm one of 'em! Thanks!

RavenRulzRF: Yep, Anakin's one stupid person. IDIOTS RULE THIS GALAXY!

Pip B: Tee he he he! That's a great idea, actually! Thanks for reviewing!

completely-obsessed: He he he! that's funny! Thank you so much for reading my stories!

Tieru the Weaver of Tales: Thank you for reviewing my story! Sorry about killing Mace off.

Emerald Tiara: Thank you!

The Lady Badger: Thanks so much. I'm glad you like the changes in names, not many people do that.

Infinite Inferno: Thank you for your review! I really appreciate it! Yeah, I'll do that! Elevator will find out that Scalps doesn't use Geico... and then he'll get rid of him! Sounds like a plan to me! INSANITY RULES IN THIS UNIVERSE!

* * *

Chapter 35 (I remembered!) 

Disclaimer: See some other random chapter.

Back to Obi-Wan and Commanded Toady. Obi-Wan rode up on Toga to the commander, shouting, "It is I, ZOORRRRROO! The fox so cunning and free!" he broke into song.

Toady stared at him. "Um, yeah, sure…"

"Oh, and tell your troops to move to the higher levels," Obi-Wan continued, donning his fedora and mask. "And what happened to my lightsaber?"

"Right here," Toady replied, giving it to him. Obi-Wan eyed him warily.

"Trying to steal my saber, eh?" he said suspiciously, narrowing his eyes. Toady gulped and shook his head.

"No sir," he replied, "You just dropped it, that's all."

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Couldn't help it if I was born a klutz," he answered nonchalantly, "Now come on, we've got a battle to win, here! TALLY HO, Toga!" he shouted, and zoomed off.

Toady shook his head and brought up the little hologram which showed Scalps.

"Commander Toady, the time has come," Scalps said in an evil voice, "Execute order 1138."

Toady became excited. "Ooh!" he cried, "Isn't that the code you press in to find the Easter eggs on the Star Wars DVDs?"

Scalpatine glared at him sullenly, and he got the hint. "Fine, it will be done," Toady continued, and shut off the hologram angrily. He then ordered the clones to shoot down Toga and Obi-Wan. The lizard dragon and the Jedi who believed he was a klutz fell down into a pool of water.

All around, the Jedi were being killed. Mi-Adi-Loonie was killed, Kit-Kat Fisto was… wait, no, he escaped, and Stass Alie was blown up. Anakin, or now Darth Elevator, strode into the Jedi temple and killed everyone inside.

Crabmé was eating a delectable dessert of fried squid and canned peaches when she saw the temple in flames. Thinking of how all the ash and smoke would make a mess and pollute the air, she burst into tears.

Soda felt all the Jedi dying and dropped his cane. NOW where would he get all the credit cards he used to buy Pepsi?

Frail Organic zoomed over to the temple and asked sternly, "What's going on here? Is there a barbecue that I wasn't aware of?"

The clone shook his head. "No, we've got the situation under control. In another words, it's time for you to get outta here."

"And so it is," Frail retorted, just happy that there wasn't a secret barbecue. But before he left, a wannabe Jedi kid began to kill all the clones, but was shot down. Frail jumped into his speeder and zoomed quickly away.

Obi-Wan managed to climb out of the water and take the little breathing device out of his mouth. Now all he had to do was climb up the large rock wall. This did present a rather big problem. He had never been good at climbing rock walls in the first place. At the Jedi Temple, he had always fallen on his butt when trying to scale the rock wall there… but trying to beat Anakin by going extremely fast didn't help the situation, either.

Finally, he decided to use the Force and levitated himself up the wall. It took a lot of effort, but he eventually got back up to the mid levels.

Back to Soda. He escaped with the Cookies Chewie and Toll House, and was also helped by a few more named Oatmeal Raisin, Peanut Butter, and Chocolate Chip. Chocolate Chunk, one of the bigger Cookies, helped Soda onto a small dirt bike, and the little green alien zoomed away with Chewie and Toll House in tow.

A while later, some of the clone troopers came upon some dead Cookies, banged up droids, and dead clones. Then they saw a little green alien covered head to toe in mud, hair frazzled in all directions. Obviously he was crazy.

"Cookie good…" Soda cackled insanely, "Eat Cookie!" he grinned crazily, much to the clone's discomfort.

One clone sergeant came up to one of the clones. "Did you find something?" he asked.

"Nothing… nothing!" Soda tittered, rubbing his hands together.

"Nothing," the clone answered, "All these Cookies are dead. Move to the east." And with that, the clones headed off in another direction. Soda suspected they were heading eastward, but he wasn't sure.

Soda waited until they were gone, and then Chewie and Toll House came out from their hiding.

"Stink, this mud does," he complained, "Need a bath, I do."

Chewie and Toll House rolled their eyes. Was there really time for this?

"A Pepsi, I need!" Soda cried, "At least three dozen!" he sullenly slapped the water and sat there, sulking.

The Cookies finally ended up giving him time to take a quick bath, and then they headed off to the emergency shuttle Soda had stored for only… emergencies. Of course, he had at least four gallons of Pepsi stored in there, but he argued that Pepsi was all he needed to survive for a few hours. The Cookies, however, were rather suspicious.

"Well, exciting was that!" Soda grinned, "With your lives, have fun!" he hopped cheerfully into the shuttle and zoomed off into the dark sky. The Cookies sighed gratefully.

Frail Organic had managed to get onto his ship and was now trying to find any Jedi that were left. "I just hope we can find a few Jedi before they walk into this catastrophe!"

Captain Gotwillies nodded. "Indeed," he replied. Suddenly, Kit-Kat Fisto came through the door with Aayla Secura.

"A GIANT OCTOPUS!" Gotwillies shrieked, "Quick, get it away from me! NO, there's TWO octopuses!" He clung to Frail like Anakin to Obi-Wan when he was frightened.

"We're not octopuses, we're Jedi, you dope head," Kit-Kat said irritably.

Gotwillies scowled sullenly. "I don't do drugs," he muttered, kicking the ground with a boot.

Frail sighed. "I'm afraid this has been all a misunderstanding," he spoke up, "I'm just glad to see you two alive. Were there any other Jedi?"

Aayla thought for a minute. "Well, I think Soda and Obi-Wan might be alive," she replied, "But Anakin Skyflopper has turned to the Dark side and become Darth Elevator. Chancellor Scalpatine has turned out to be the Sith lord, Darth Sidiot."

Frail grew pale and tried to calm down, but to no avail. Then he began to wail.

Try saying that four times fast.

"This can't be!" he gasped, clutching his shirt.

"It is, so suck it up and deal with it, buster," Aayla snapped angrily.

Kit-Kat thought the situation was a little harsh, so he decided to give him some different news. "I've got some good and bad news," he spoke up.

"What is it?" Frail asked faintly.

"The bad news is, Anakin's not on our side anymore. The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico!"

Frail then decided to take the wisest course of action possible. He passed out dead away on the floor.

* * *

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Poor Frail. Maybe he needs to build up some energy! Don't forget to review!   



	36. You Made It!

Thanks for all of your reviews! I really appreciate them! Ooh, I have BRILLIANT ideas for the original trilogy! Can't wait!

Emerald Tiara: No, it really isn't... but obviously Soda doesn't care. Thanks!

Arie Skywalker: Yes, it will. Picture him tripping over his cape all the time and blowing up things for no good reason. Also being incredibly stupid. Thanks!

Infinite Inferno: Yes, Obi-Wan is stupid and forgetful. And yes, that IS how you do the easter egg. It's hilarious! You gotta see it. It's Yoda doing rap, with all the hand motions! It's my inspiration to do Soda! Well, since Crabme isn't the brightest bulb on the planet, she doesn't realize that. I couldn't kill of Secura and Fisto, I love those characters. How did Elevator kill them? With both! And his trusty lightsaber! Glad you like the name! Thanks!

LilliesoftheValley: Sorry bout that, I'm just so excited to get started on the trilogy! Hope this one's slower.

RavenRulzRF: Thank you! Breathe now, breathe! Hope you enjoy this chapter! IDIOTS RULE!

completely-obsessed: Thanks for your review! I really appreciate it. I feel so honored!

Adame shmi Skywalker Vader: Thanks so much! I'm sure Crabme will be okay... if she doesn't die of clutter first...

Super Tinfoil Man: Oh, you have to see it in theatres! I saw it, and it's awesome! Don't wait for the DVD! Thanks!

psychoman222: funny idea, thanks!

Pip B: A few thousand? (faints dead away) Oh, whew, glad you were kidding. Gave me a scare, there!

* * *

Chapter 36 (I'm pretty sure) 

Disclaimer: See some other chapter and GO AVAY! Oh, just in case.. I don't own Nickelback music, either.

* * *

In the meantime, Obi-Wan had hidden from the clones who had seemingly turned on him and ran to the platform where General Fleavous's ship was. He hopped in and zoomed away. 

When he was in space, he put on some rockin' Nickelback music and jammed along with the songs. Finally, he sent out an emergency code because he was out of double quarter-pounder cheeseburgers. True, they each had around forty grams of fat, but he didn't care. After all, he was a Jedi and could work it off. Right?... well, not exactly.

"Emergency code nine thirteen," Obi-Wan said randomly, "I have no contact with any McDonalds' joints anywhere."

Finally, a hologram of Frail Organic came up. "General Kenobi," He said, "We've gotten your signal. It appears this disaster has happened everywhere. I'll send you our coordinates."

Obi-Wan was confused. "What disaster?"

Frail looked at him. "The disaster where most of the Jedi have been killed! Duh…" he rolled his eyes.

Suddenly Aayla and Kit-Kat popped up on the screen. "Yo, Obi-Wan!" Kit-Kat cried. "Wassup?"

"You've been spending too much time around Anakin," Obi-Wan muttered.

"That's what we need to talk to you about…" Aayla trailed off hesitantly. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow.

"What's the crazy lunatic done now?" he sighed.

* * *

Crabmé had finished her cleaning… well, half of it, and was now running towards Anakin, who looked evil and Sithly. "Are you all right?" she asked mildly, "I heard there was an attack on the Jedi temple… you can see the smoke from here! Do they REALIZE how much pollution they're integrating into the atmosphere?" she yelled.

"My dear, with all the speeders and ships around, there's more than enough pollution now," Anakin replied sensibly.

Crabmé panicked. "OH MY GOSH!" she shrieked, "QUICK, this air isn't safe for the baby! I need a oxygen mask… so do you! Hurry!" she raced, very quickly for a pregnant woman, over to her secret stash and pulled out two masks. She then threw one at a very taken aback Anakin and put one on herself. "That's better," she said in a muffled voice.

"Um… yeah…" Anakin said, raising his eyebrows. "Well, I came to see if you and the baby were safe."

"We are now!" she chirped happily. "Clean air is safe air! I should start a motion in the senate about that…"

"Well," Anakin continued, "Speaking of the senate, the Jedi have tried to overthrow Chancellor Scalpatine."

Crabmé cocked her head to one side. "Too bad," she said nonchalantly, "So, whatcha gonna do?"

Anakin shrugged. "I dunno. I guess I'll support Scalps… and I won't let you down. I also need to blow some more things up."

"What about Obi-Wan?"

"What about him?"

"Well… what about him?"

"Yeah… what about him?"

Crabmé shook her head. "This isn't getting us anywhere," she interrupted.

"Well, many Jedi have been killed," Anakin explained, "So I guess he should side with the Chanc and me. I also have good some good and bad news."

"Which is?"

Anakin sighed. "The bad news is, I have to go kill the Separatist leaders. The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico!"

Crabmé looked at him. "Well, good luck with… well, whatever you're doing," she said, and went back inside, mask still on. "AND KEEP YOUR MASK ON OR ELSE!" she shouted.

Anakin sighed, put on his mask, and headed out to the Mooseuhtar system to kill the Separatist leaders. Why, he didn't know. Nor did he really care. But it would give him a chance to use his new high powered detonators and sing a few killing songs!

* * *

Obi-Wan finally came upon Organic's ship, where he got out and entered into a hallway, where Frail and Soda were talking. Frail looked at him and rushed over, relieved.

"You made it!" he said, patting him on the shoulder.

Obi-Wan stared down at his brown and tan tunics and shook his head. "No, actually I bought this at a discount Jedi outlet store," he sheepishly admitted.

Frail stared at him, confused. "Right… um… have you heard from any other Jedi?"

"Heard from no one (slurp) we have," Soda gurgled, sipping on a Pepsi, not realizing that Frail wasn't talking to him.

"He was talking to me, you Pepsi addict," Obi-Wan snapped, glaring down at the green Jedi.

Soda pouted. "Resent that, I do," he sulked.

"You mean, 'represent that, you do,'" Obi-Wan retorted, folding his arms irritably. Soda just stared at him sullenly.

"Hey, talkin', look who is," Soda shot back, "A McDonald's lover, you are!"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "I can't help it if Anakin got me hooked," he answered. "They have good fast food!"

"I saw thousands of troops attack the temple," Frail interrupted, "That's why I went looking for Soda."

Obi-Wan stared at him. "Why on earth would you want to contact _him_?" he demanded. "He's just a Pepsi addict with a rotten attitude!"

Soda glared at him. "Resent that, I also do," he sniffed.

"You mean, 'represent that, you do,'" Obi-Wan responded, looking down at him.

Frail sighed. "Could we please get on topic, here?" he said.

* * *

Poor Frail! He doesn't deserve to be around those Jedi weirdos. Don't forget to leave a review!


	37. How Could I Have Been So Stupid?

FINALLY! It let me update! HALLELUJAH! Have fun with this chapter, everyone! SEVEN more reviews till 200, people! Let's make it happen!

Pip B: Thanks... as usual! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

RavenRulzRF: Breathe, that's the key... breathe! Sorry, random LOTR moment. Yeah, most of the Jedi pick up Anakin's habits. Which, most of the time, isn't a good thing. Thanks!

LilliesoftheValley: Did you know that a McDonald's 10 pc. chicken selects had 66 grams of fat? ACK! I'm glad you liked the Crabme and Anakin part! Thanks!

Emerald Tiara: Indeed we did...

Jedi Master Arie Skywalker: Cool, and you're welcome! Thanks for reviewing!

Infinite Inferno: Hey, thanks a bunch for reviewing my other stories, I really appreciate it! Don't worry, I'm sure you can get a mask from Crabme. It'll probably be on her website: Hey, that's not a bad idea... Aayla and Kit are, well, you'll see! Thanks!

Super Tinfoil Man: Indeedee I am! Where do I find the time? I buy it on the internet, lol!

baby bop2.0: Thanks for the review!

completely-obsessed: Thanks so much!

F-14 Ace: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy it.

Esteban T. Rodriguez: That's a BRILLIANT idea, mate! I've definitely got ideas for this! Awesome, dude! Thanks so much!

* * *

**Chapter 37**

Disclaimer: Last time I checked, I didn't own Star Wars. Also, I don't own any of the lyrics from High School Musical. I SHOULD be getting paid for the Geico and Pepsi parts, though!

* * *

Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes, now where were we?"

"Um… on my ship?" Frail put in rather stupidly. Obi-Wan glared at him.

"I _meant,_ what topic were we on? Oh yeah, have we had any word from the temple yet?"

Soda chugged down another Pepsi and tossed it behind him. There was already a trail of empty Pepsi cans behind them. That's where they got the Hansel and Gretel idea.

"Received a coded retreat message, we have," he said, bringing out another Pepsi from his robe.

"It requests that all Jedi return to the Temple. It says that the war is over," Frail added.

"Well then we must go back," Obi-Wan persisted, "If there are any stragglers, they will fall into the trap."

Soda made a face. "Eh, their problem that is. Stupid they'd have to be to believe that kinda junk."

Frail said, "Yes, it's too dangerous to return."

Obi-Wan frowned. "You're saying we should just let them die?" He exclaimed incredulously.

"Better them than me," Soda remarked, taking another sip of his Pepsi.

"There is too much at stake," Obi-Wan argued angrily.

"I agree," Kit-Kat added, coming into the room, holding hands with Aayla. Obi-Wan looked from him to his and Aayla's joined hands.

"You… do know there's a rule against attachment?" he said.

Kit-Kat shrugged. "There's no more Council, so why torture ourselves?" he asked sensibly. "We're free to do what we want now, like this." He grabbed Aayla and started to passionately kiss her.

"A room, get yourselves, man," Soda complained, blocking his view with a Pepsi.

Obi-Wan, on the other hand, was feeling rather jealous.

* * *

On the fiery planet of Mustardfar, Flute Runaway and his allies were all sitting on some nice cushy couches, eating biscuits and drinking tea. A hologram of Darth Sidiot popped up, interrupting Monday Night Football.

"Lord Sidiot, why now?" Flute whined, pouting. Sidiot gave him a withering look.

"You've done nothing but sit on your butt and eat biscuits," he snapped, "When my new apprentice, Darth Elevator, arrives, he will take care of you."

Flute didn't sound to enthused. "Sounds like a trap to me."

"WELL it's not," Sidiot quickly argued, "Uh, well, I've got things to do, so yah bye!" the hologram shut off.

* * *

Back to the happy Jedi couple, the frightened Captain, the nervous Alderaan Viceroy, and… the other two Jedi. Well, one annoyed Jedi and a Pepsi smashed… thing.

The pilot of the ship got a signal from the Chancellor's office and put it through.

Doused Alfereda showed up on the screen, looking stoic and cold. "S-senator Or-Organa," he stammered, teeth chattering – NO! I meant, cold, as in – mean, cold, whatever! Moving on! "Senator Organa," he said, "The Supreme Chancellor requests your presence at a special session of Congress."

Frail glared at him, taken aback. "You can tell your high and mighty Chancellor that I don't HAVE any presents!" he snapped. "I don't care if it's his birthday or NOT!"

Doused raised an eyebrow. "It's not his birthday," he replied, confused.

Frail blushed. "Oh, never mind. I'll be there. So long as there's a cookout afterwards."

"Yeah… he'll be expecting you," Doused answered. After the link was shut off, Frail turned to the Jedi. Well, the ones that weren't making out.

"Do you think it's a trap?" he asked, worried. He didn't get very good answers.

Obi-Wan shrugged, still annoyed at Soda.

Soda chugged down another Pepsi, tossing the old one behind him. There was a pile of them now.

Aayla and Kit-Kit completely ignored him and continued to passionately kiss each other.

Frail rolled his eyes. "Forget I said anything," he muttered.

"Okay," Obi-Wan replied, drumming his fingers on the chair arm.

* * *

Meanwhilst, Anakin zoomed over to the planet of Mustardfar, where he gaily hopped out, singing a wonderful little tune.

"We're SOARIN'! FLYYYYIN'! There's not a star in HEAAAVEN that we can't reach! If we're tryyyin', yeah we're breakin' free!" he sang, spinning around as he headed into the base.

Flute Runaway and his goonies were still sitting around watching Monday Night Football, and Anakin strode in, still humming. Off key, of course.

"YO DUDES!" he cried, jumping in front of the large holo projector, blocking their view.

"NOT NOW!" they all shouted angrily. Anakin pouted, annoyed.

"Get a grip," he snapped, "I am Darth Elevator."

Flute stammered, "Ah, ah, we've been expecting you."

"Have ya now?" Anakin said, plopping down into a chair. Unfortunately… yeah, you guessed it. It was hard as rock. "FOR CHRYSANTHEMUM'S SAKE," he shouted, yellow eyes blazing, "YOU COULD AT LEAST AFFORD SOME SUITABLE SEATS IN THIS (BLEEPING) PLACE!"

Flute was rather affronted. "Apologies, Lord Elevator," he sniffed, "But these came from my Homeworld, Playto Neimoidia. Where I come from, hard seats are better."

Anakin pouted again. "Good for you," he mumbled, folding over his arms.

"Would you care from some tea or biscuits, my lord?" an aide questioned.

"Nah, I'm good," Anakin replied, leaning back in his chair.

WHOMP! He promptly tipped the chair over and fell backward, feet flying over his head.

"Uh… are you all right?" Flute asked worriedly.

Anakin came up, all frazzled. "Erm… I think so," he said, checking himself for breaks. Suddenly he cocked his head to the side. "Did I come here for a reason?" he said, confused.

"Did you?" Flute inquired.

"SERENITY NOW, SERENITY NOW!" Anakin wailed randomly, throwing his hands up in the air. Everyone stared at him. He glared at them, stood up, and tripped over his robes, falling forward onto his face right in front of Flute's chair.

"My lord Elevator, are you all right?"

"Mmmf mmmdd mmmddfff," Anakin replied in a muffled voice, still on the floor.

"Excuse me?"

Anakin looked up and picked himself up. "I SAID, I just remembered the reason I came here," he continued, "I was gonna kill you guys! DUH!" he slapped his forehead. "HOW could I have been so stupid?" He then proceeded to wipe out all the leaders, throwing in a few detonators, just in case.

He then proceeded to zoom around on his skateboard, shouting, "I'VE JUST SAVED A BUNCH OF MONEY ON MY STARSHIP INSURANCE BY SWITCHING TO GEICO! I RULE!"

* * *

Well, that's all for now, folks! Hope you enjoyed it.


	38. But WHY is the rum gone?

Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews! We've reached the 200 mark! Yippee!

completely-obsessed: I know, he's really stupid. Thanks!

Pip: Why thank you! Glad you got an account!

LilliesoftheValley: Yep. A 10 pc. chicken selects has 66 grams of fat, too. Thanks!

Infinite Inferno: Well, the chairs were cushy to the Neimoidians, but hard to Anakin. Don't worry, Obi has a girlfriend, Sabe. Whups... did I just say that out loud? Geico commercials are hilarious... why not honor them?

Jedi Master Arie Skywalker: So glad you like it! I agree... but Flute's dead! Oh well...

RavenRulzRF: NO ONE is stupider than Anakin... he's top notch stupid.

Gandalf- Dumbledore- Obi-Wan: Thank you! I'm glad you like it.

Esteban T. Rodriguez: You have great ideas, seriously. One of them is in this chapter! Don't worry, I'll tell everyone it was your idea. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it!

Super Tinfoil Man: Black socks, huh? Veeeerrry interesting!

baby bop 2.0: Well, I've been doing it for months, and basically everyone else does, too. I checked the guidelines, and I couldn't find a rule against it. Hmm...

* * *

**Special Thanks to Esteban T. Rodriguez, who has given me the awesome 'rum' idea in this chapter! Many thanks! **

**Chapter 38**

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and... um... I don't own Star Wars, too! That was lame...

* * *

Back to Bootstraps Ben Kenobi, Soda, Aayla, and Kit-Kat. They had gotten off of the ship and were making their way towards the Jedi temple. In the meantime, Kit-Kat was munching happily on a Butterfinger. 

"TRAITOR!" all the Kit-Kat chocolate bar fans shrieked angrily. Kit-Kat hurriedly tossed the bar behind his back, trying to look nonchalant.

* * *

Frail and his crew had gone to the senate, while the Jedi and the Pepsi smashed alien made their way to the temple. Frail entered the pod where Crabmé was sitting, a mask on her face. The bewildered Prince stared at her.

"What's with the mask?" he asked.

Crabmé glared at him. "Why should you care?" she spat venomously, "It's not like IT did anything to YOU!"

Frail jumped back. "Er, well then," he replied nervously. "What's going on?"

"Nothing in particular," she sighed, "The chancellor has been uncovering a plot by the Jedi to overthrow the senate."

"That's not true!" he protested.

She shrugged. "Not my problem. I've been trying to make Scalpatine do something about the pollution in the atmosphere. It's not healthy!"

Frail rolled his eyes. This was going to be a long day….

* * *

Soda, Kit-Kat, Obi-Wan, and Aayla fought in the entrance of the Jedi temple, cutting down clones right and left. They finally made their way in to dismantle the false message.

When Soda entered into the temple, he took one look around and dropped to his knees, bursting into tears.

"The clones!" he screamed in utter horror, "Destroyed everything in the temple of value they have… the Jedi, the junk food, the cake, the Pepsi, and the RUM!" Mi-Adi-Looni had got Soda hooked on Corellian rum a few weeks ago, and now it had become his Pepsi life saver when there was no more soda.

"Yes," Aayla sighed in relief, "The rum is gone."

"Why is the rum gone!" Soda bellowed furiously, growing angrier by the second.

"Pull yourself together," Obi-Wan scolded, annoyed beyond belief, "We have more important things to deal with, such as Darth Sidiot taking over the senate, and my old apprentice, Anakin Skyflopper, becoming a Sith lord!"

All these wise words passed right through Soda's ear and out the other.

"But WHY is the RUM gone!" Soda shrieked, breaking down into sobs again.

The other Jedi simply ignored him and went to go dismantle the coded signal. Obi-Wan went into a room and pressed the button to find out what happened.

"Obi-Wan, if you do that, you'll only find pain," Aayla said sadly, putting a hand on his arm.

"I must know," the other replied firmly.

Soda gave Aayla a withering look. "Those lines, sounded so much better when I said them, they did," he sulked. She rolled her eyes in response.

Obi-Wan turned on the recording and saw Anakin killing the Jedi and bowing to Sidiot.

"It can't be…" he trailed off, "It can't be!"

"According to those recordings, it can," Soda spat out sullenly.

Obi-Wan took a seat, shaken up. "Send me to kill Sidiot, I cannot kill Anakin. No matter how crazy or stupid he is, he's like my brother. My mentally deranged brother, but my brother nonetheless."

Kit-Kat came in, chewing a Snickers.

"TRAITOR!" all the Kit-Kat chocolate bar fans shrieked at him again. He hurriedly tossed it away, pretending that didn't happen.

"Obi-Wan," he cleared his throat, "You're not strong enough to kill Sidiot."

"KEEP STEALING MY LINES, YOU PEOPLE DO!" Soda screamed in pure fury. The other Jedi blinked, looking at each other.

A few short minutes later, Soda was angrily on his way to the Senate to kill Lord Sidiot.

"EVEN GIVE ME SOME RUM OR A PEPSI, YOU LOSERS DIDN'T!" he shouted, "WHAT KIND OF JEDI ARE YOU?"

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan was pondering where to find Anakin, as he and the other two Jedi raided the secret Jedi freezer, which was filled with all kinds of goodies.

"I've got some good and bad news," Obi-Wan stated, "The bad news is, I have to kill Anakin. The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico!"

Kit-Kat nodded. "Excellent!"

"But how will I find him?" Obi-Wan asked sadly, "I don't know where to look." He then took another bite of cake and munched it.

Aayla sat on a console, thinking. "Use your feelings, and you'll find him," she told him.

"Yeah, what about that crazy senator Anakin was in love with?" Kit-Kat added, "You know, the one who had lots of scary weapons and funky hats."

Obi-Wan stroked his beard. "Oh, Senator Crabmé?" he said. "Good idea! I'll ask her. That'll give me a good reason to see my girlfriend, Sabé."

"Indeed," the other two agreed.

"More cake, dear?" Kit-Kat asked Aayla, pouring her some blue milk. She nodded.

"Thank you," she smiled. Obi-Wan hopped down onto the floor and nodded to the two of them. "See you two later," he said. "I'm off." Donning his Zorro cape and mask, he darted away.

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Well, that's that chapter! Hope you enjoyed, and don't forget to review!


	39. ANCHOVIES, NOT SAUSAGE!

Just before you're asking... YESSSSS!! I AM UPDATING!!!! YEEHOOO!! FINALLY!! LET'S ALL CELEBRATE!!

I made this chapter a bit longer than usual, but I'm afraid I don' t have time to reply to your wonderful reviews right now... but I promise, I will the next chapter!!

ENJOY AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!! RANDOMNESSS RULES!!

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Disclaimer: Roses are Red, violets are blue, Star Wars is SCHVEET!! and I don't own it... and also feel that this poem is too ridiculous to continue... also don't own anything else such as Zorro, or Pirates.

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Chapter 39

Obi-Wan traveled off to Crabmé' s apartment sullenly, drumming his fingers on the dashboard of his speeder. "Blasted Anakin," he muttered, "Always getting himself into trouble, which gets ME into trouble! I don't like getting ME into trouble! It's too much trouble!!" Having fun throwing himself a small pity-part, he didn't notice that he had reached the apartment.

CRASSH!!!!! BANG!!!

The speeder zoomed right onto the balcony, ruining some of Crabmé's brand new sculptures she had gotten from Scalpatine earlier.

"NOOOOOO!" Crabmé shrieked, waddling out faster than most pregnant women did, "Don't DOOO THAT!"

Obi-Wan hopped out of his now ruined speeder, called Geico to have it fixed, made a quick mental note not to tell Anakin of the little mishap for fear of humiliation, and turned to Crabmé sheepishly. "Oh, sorry bout that, dear," he grinned, "Just a little accident, I'm sure everything will be sorted out."

"Sorted out?" SORTED OUT!?" Crabmé shrieked, "You've ruined my brand new handcrafted sculptures brought in especially from the deserts of NAR SHADDA!"

"They're STATUES!" the Jedi hollered, exasperated. "And does Nar Shadda HAVE deserts?"

She shrugged and popped a chocolate grape into her mouth. "Who cares. Anyways, what are you doing here?"

"Well," he sighed and sat down. "I've got some good and bad news. The bad news is, I've got to kill your insane, whacko, weird, and now Sith lord hubby. The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico!"

Crabmé gaped.

"So that's it, then!" she wailed, "That's the big secret of the famous Bootstrap Ben Kenobi!"

Obi-Wan reddened. "How did you know about my secret identity?"

"I heard you spent four hours lying in the Jedi temple, drinking rum," She accused.

He shrugged. "Welcome to Coruscant, love. I had to keep it away from Soda, anyhoo."

"Who's Soda? Some kind of fermented drink?"

"No, he's a Jedi."

"Well I didn't vote for 'im!"

"You don't VOTE for Jedi!"

"Well how'd he become one, then?"

Obi-Wan thought that was a very good question. "Wait, we're getting off-subject, here," he shook his head, "Listen, Senator, I gotta go kill Anakin. He's turned into some kinda freako whakadoo. A Sith Lord, in other words."

"But why kill him? Why not just send him to therapy?" Crabmé wondered, snatching a colorful hat from a nearby tray that Cheapio was holding out. She grew annoyed at his presence and abruptly knocked him over, sending him clattering to the floor.

"Whoaaa!" the droid cried, "What did I do to deserve this?"

"SHUT UP!" the two humans yelled at him.

Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "Crabmé, I must find him."

She looked up at him, suddenly teary-eyed. "You're going to kill him, aren't you?" she said quietly.

He rolled his eyes. "Well, DUH!!" he shouted, "That's only what I've been trying to tell you for the past blasted few minutes!!!"

Crabmé glared at him and whacked him over the head with a furry Ewok hat. "Well I won't tell you!" she sniffed haughtily.

Obi-Wan fumed, got up, and declared, "Anakin's the dad, isn't he? ISN'T HE?"

"Well who did ya think it was, the little fermented green drink Jedi guy?" Padmé snapped. "Way to figure it out, genius."

"Oh, you're such a chum," he shot at her sarcastically. He then donned his Zorro cape, tied his mask to his face, and leapt into his brand new speeder, conveniently replaced by Geico. He then realized that he had forgotten to see his girlfriend, Sabé.

Crabmé watched him speed away before chugging down a large glass of Corellian whiskey and hurrying to get changed into something for her trip.

Meanwhile, Anakin was having a marvelous time on Mustardfar. He was watching 'The Notebook' on the home theatre, drinking beer, and managing to zoom around on his skateboard at the same time. "Nah, nah, nah, HEY HEY HEY… GOOOODBYEEEEE!" he sang out loud for no particular reason, squeaking at the end.

Then suddenly –

WHOMP! He fell flat on his face, drunk as a skunk…

The Sith in training lay there, giggling uncontrollably. He saw Flute's body nearby and nodded, well, at least tried to. His face was still on the ground. "Hey, how's it goin?" he slurred tipsily.

Okay, I take it back. He was DRUNKER than a skunk.

Anakin managed to get up and noticed that the com was beeping. He slapped the button and yelled at the top of his voice, "I ordered ANCHOVIES on that, NOT SAUSAGE!!!"

Sidiot coughed. "Ahem," he glared. "Listen, kid, are the Separatist leaders history?"

"Yep, they've kicked the bucket," Anakin snickered, slumping suddenly back on the ground.

Sidiot sighed. "Tell me why I made YOU my apprentice again…."

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Well, now that I'm OFFICIALLY back, I expect a warm welcome. C'mon, people, you can do it! JK! Also, I have a serious, yes, SERIOUS, story about Padme that I'm really excited about. Please check it out and let me know what you think! You'll find it on my profile page. 


	40. Talking to a Wall

**STUPID & STUPIDER: REVENGE OF THE IDIOTS**

**By Serena Kenobi**

**A/N: WOW! I got so many 'welcome back's, it was great! You guys sure know how to make an author feel appreciated. You guys ROCK! Hope you enjoy this next chapter... and good news! A NEW MOPE will be started soon!**

**Disclaimer: Yadda yadda yadda... (coughs) I don't own Star Wars (coughs) yadda yadda yadda... **

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**Chapter 40 - Talking to a Wall  
**Back to Crabmé and Cheapio. The two had flown in on a rental speeder to where one of Crabmé's ships was docked. Her head of security, Captain Psycho, was adamant about her not leaving for Mustardfar. 

"Milady," he began while watching her munch on a cream cheese covered pretzel through her oxygen mask, "I don't think you should go. Or let me come with you."

Crabmé shrugged, suddenly tossing the bready delight away. "The fighting's over," she said, licking her fingers, "And this is kinda personal." She then whisked out a napkin and furiously wiped her mask off.

Psycho eyed her strangely. "As you wish," he finally replied, "But I strongly disagree."

"Do I LOOK like I care what you think?" Crabmé shot back coldly, storming off up the ramp of her ship. Cheapio followed her, complaining about flying conditions.

"My lady, air prices are going through the roof!" he exclaimed, "and so is fuel! It costs 200 credits just to fill up your fuel tank!"

Crabmé whisked around. "Listen, Cheaps," she started menacingly, "I've got some good and bad news."

"Oh, well, tell me, milady!" Cheapio said excitedly.

"The bad news is, if you say one more word, just ONE more word, I'll blast you into a bazillion pieces!" she yelled.

Cheapio gasped. "Oh my!"

"The good news is," she continued in a more calm tone, "I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico." She abruptly slammed the door in the droid's face.

"How rude!" Cheapio whined, hurrying off.

Obi-Wan had followed Crabmé to her ship and tried to slip deftly onto the ramp. But after eating all that cake and junk food from the secret freezer, he had bloated up like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade balloon, and it took all his strength just to push himself up onto the ramp. "Oh boy," he sighed, "I gotta lay off them Cheeze-its."

Suddenly, the ramp began to close, him laying on it, and he began sliding downward towards the entrance of the ship. Before the puffed up Jedi knew what had happened, he had slid down onto the floor of the ship, banging his head against the wall.

"IN THE NAME OF!" he shouted, abruptly sitting up, glaring and rubbing his head. "You're worse than Anakin!"

The wall didn't say anything.

"Did you hear me? What's your problem?" the Jedi snapped.

Still, the wall was strangely silent.

"Good grief, it's like I'm talking to a wall!" Obi-Wan cried, throwing up his hands in exasperation. He then foolishly realized that he _was_ talking to a wall, and pushed himself up, blushing. "Uh, you didn't see any of this," he muttered to the foreboding wall, staggering off like a drunken Anakin. He then found an extra panel and plopped himself inside, snoring off to dreamland.

* * *

"…So then anyways, I killed that guy," Anakin giggled, pointing to a dead Separatist leader on the floor; "Then that guy… and that dude…" he began giggling again, starting to fall over.

"LORD ELEVATOR!" Sidiot bellowed, "All I want to know is if you killed ALL the Separatist leaders! Not one at a time!"

"Ohh, you did not say so beforrre!" Anakin snickered, wagging his finger at the extremely wrinkled Sith lord.

Sidiot waited expectantly. "Well then? Are they dead?"

"Okay, okay, I tell you eveyting!" the young Sith-in-training nodded, bobbing his head up and down.

There was silence in the room.

"So, are ya gonna tell me or what!" Sidiot shouted in annoyance.

"Okay, okay, I tell you eveyting!" Anakin repeated, and abruptly knocked his chair backward, thinking it was a rocking chair. His feet went flying over his head as he –WHUMP! – crashed to the ground.

"What's wrong NOW!?" Sidiot growled, tapping his foot impatiently. "Elevator! I demand to know what you've been drinking!"

Anakin slowly picked himself up off the floor, head spinning. "I thought it was a rocking chair," he mumbled incoherently, "The room's still spinning!" He hit his head with a fist. "Ow! Ow! Stop spinning, stupid head!" he cried, falling down on the ground. "I said, stop spinning!" He hit himself so hard that he fell backward again, lying there pitifully.

"ELEVATOR!" Sidiot roared.

"WHAAAAAAAAT?!!!!" Anakin screamed suddenly, hopping up to his feet, a crazy look in his yellow eyes.

Sidiot was taken aback, but pleased. "Goood, I can feel your anger… it makes you… um… stronger!" he suddenly checked his chrono and gasped. "Oy boy! I gotta zip or I'll miss a new episode of _The Old and the Relaxed. _WellitwasnicetalkingtoyouandseeyoulaterhavefunkillingJedisoyahbye!" he said hurriedly, shutting off the holo.

Anakin blinked. "Wha…?" he trailed off, shaking his head. He heard a beeping and saw that Crabmé's ship was approaching. "YAY! Crabmé's here!" He sang, spinning around. "WHOO BOY! PARRRTTAAY!" he snatched his cloak and sped out to meet his wife, singing loudly.

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That's it for that random chapter!! Have fun, people, and don't forget to review! 


	41. Defender of the Galaxy

**A/N: Many thanks to my reviewers!! Last post before Christmas!! Hope everyone has a great holiday!**

**Disclaimer: Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la la!! I do not really own Star Wars, fa la la la la la, la la la la! Also don't own anything from the MTV movie award skit. I just changed it around a bit. Or Sesame Street. Or Pride and Prejudice.  
**

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**Chapter 41 - Defender of the Galaxy**

Crabem waddled out to meet him, oxygen mask and all. When she saw Anakin without his on, she screamed and hurled one at him. "You idiot, you didn't put your mask on!" she hollered.

Anakin caught the mask and tossed it away. "Eh, I don't need no mask," he scowled. "What you doin' here, anyhoo?"

"Obi-Wan told me some really terrible stuff," she began.

"Terrible like what? Like I just ordered myself a terribly _awesome_ skateboard, complete with hyrdo engines and room for a soda?" Anakin asked.

"No, he said that you…"

"Also got a new speeder, completely filled with cool gadgets and gizmos? Also comes with two detonators in case of emergencies?" Suddenly getting a craving, Anakin hurled a thermal detonator at a nearby droid, causing it to burst into pieces.

Crabmé shook her head. "No! He said that you turned - "

"Turned this lava place into a cool party zone? Guilty as charged!" Anakin chuckled.

"TURNED TO THE DARK SIDE!!" Crabmé shrieked furiously.

Anakin was puzzled. "Dark side of what?"

"Of the Force, stupid!"

"Don't call me stupid!"

"I just did."

"Oh," Anakin sulked. "Well, anyways, so what if I did. I'm doing it to protect you from my dreams of clutter."

"He said that you killed younglings!" Crabmé wailed.

Anakin shrugged. "They were all brats. But I do have some good news!"

"Good news? You just killed a whole bunch of people and now you have GOOD NEWS!?" She yelled angrily.

He nodded. "Yep. I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico!"

"Anakin, all I want is your love," Crabmé whined.

"And all I want is for me not to keep almost blowing myself up when I use my detonators," Anakin replied. "It's not safe… it's dangerous. Ya know, ten out of ten doctors don't recommend dying. They say it's not healthy for you and you should avoid it at all costs."

"Anakin!" Crabmé squealed, tearing up.

"Okay, okay, so you don't like me blowing things up. You'll get used to it!" he answered, "I do things for you that I don't like. I watched 'Pride and Prejudice,' and now it's my favorite movie!"

"Anakin, come away with me," Crabmé begged, pulling his arm with surprising strength, "Leave everything behind while we still can!"

"Leave this coolio new Empire all to wrinkly old Scalps?" Anakin scrunched up his nose. "NO way, José!"

Crabem had had enough. "Fine, BE that way!" she snapped, "You go off to your dirty new Empire, while I'll go live in a clean, healthy, germ protected house with my baby!" She began to stride off, taking out a cereal bar and spraying some whipped cream on it.

"Crabme, honey," Anakin cut in, "Wait!"

She didn't listen to him.

"Don't go!" Anakin held out his hand, and accidentally choked her, rendering her unconscious. "Uh, whups…"

"Let her go, Anakin!" Obi-Wan called out, standing heroically on the ramp, the breeze swirling his fearsome black cape around.

Anakin blinked. "Who in George Clooney's name are you?" he squawked.

"I am ZORRO!" Obi-Wan declared. "Defender of the helpless, savior of the galaxy, and I have come to… whoa!"

TUMBLE, TUMBLE, TUMBLE…. WHUMP!

Obi-Wan tripped over his own cape and tumbled down the ramp to Anakin's feet. "BLOODY CAPE!" he screamed, going red in the face.

"Master?" Anakin said, startled.

"I am Master of the galaxy!" Obi-Wan continued, standing up rather sheepishly. "I answer to no man, be he Jedi or Sith!"

Anakin whisked the mask off him and giggled. "Dude, that costume was SO last month," he chuckled, and suddenly stiffened. "How long have you been listening, Obi-Wan? Did you hear me say I like Sesame Street? Because I _don't._"

Obi-Wan was puzzled. "You didn't say you liked Sesame Street, you said you liked 'Pride and Prejudice.'"

Anakin was relived. "Oh. Good then."

"On guard!" Obi-Wan abruptly pulled out his lightsaber, igniting it.

Anakin growled. "PREPARE TO DIE!"

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Enough for that chapter! Remember, I love presents, and reviews make great presents! So feel free to give as many as you want! Lol! 


	42. On a Roll

**Author's Note: **Thanks for all the reviews!! This is one of the last chapters, and then it's on to a New Mope!! I can't wait. I have a good feeling about it. Hope you enjoy this chapter, and don't forget to review.

Disclaimer: Don't own Star Wars. I can dream, can't I? Or Tarzan, or George of the Jungle.

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Chapter Something Or Other

The two began a ferocious duel; their lightsabers spinning as quickly as Soda chugging down a Pepsi. They finally ended up in the control room, where all the dead Separatists were lying… erm… dead. Obi-Wan and Anakin put their hands out to Force push the other away, but it turned out that they both got pushed into the walls.

"Argh!" Anakin shouted, "Victory MUST be mine!" he threw a few detonators at Kenobi, but the space pirate dodged them expertly.

"Hah! Take that, you, whoa!" Obi-Wan cried, slipping and falling right on his butt. "Blasted skateboard!" he hollered, glaring at it evilly. He Force shoved it into a wall, causing it to break into microscopic pieces.

"NOOOOOO!!!!" Anakin screamed at the top of his lungs.

Obi-Wan stared at him coldly. "Serves it right," he sniffed.

Anakin blinked. Blinked again at the shattered remains of his beloved skateboard and yelled furiously at Obi-Wan, "DIE DIE DIE!!" he leapt at Obi-Wan and continued his attack, slashing at the Jedi Master more angrily than before.

Anakin was having the upper hand ten minutes later, and he grinned in delight at the thought of avenging his precious skateboard. "Call me butter!" he shouted out as they continued to duel, managing their way out onto the platform.

"Why?" Obi-Wan hollered in return, puzzled.

"'Cause I'm on a roll!" Anakin cackled, hopping onto a pipe. Obi-Wan quickly followed him, and there they began a tipsy fight, both trying to keep from falling off. They finally ended up on the end of the pipe, which was hanging over the lava river, and it suddenly broke off, dumping into the lava.

The two idiots continued to fight one another, making their way up to the top of the pipe. Anakin found a wire and began swinging on it, shouting. "AAAAEEEAAAEEAA!" he cried, swinging back towards Obi-Wan. He tried to slash him with his lightsaber, but missed him.

Obi-Wan grabbed onto a different wire and started to swing as well. "I'M TARZAN!" He declared to no one in particular, taking a jab at Anakin as he passed by.

"Oh yeah?" Anakin sneered. "Well I'M GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE!"

"Watch out for that–" Obi-Wan started, but didn't get to finish as Anakin crashed into the pipe. "…Pipe…" he sighed.

The large pipe/platform started to head towards a lavafall. Obi-Wan noticed this and hopped deftly onto a nearby droid. Anakin nearly kicked the bucket, but he managed to leap onto another droid just in time.

"You can't beat me!" Anakin screamed, "I'm all powerful!"

"You're all stupid, too!" Obi-Wan returned. "Chancellor Scalpatine is EVIL!"

"Well, from my point of view, the Jedi are evil!" Anakin yelled.

"Then you are lost!"

"Says YOU!"

"I DO say!"

The two hopped onto a moving smaller platform and continued to duel. Finally, Obi-Wan hopped onto a spot of dry ground, and he beamed triumphantly at Anakin. "It's over, Anakin," he boasted, "I have the high ground."

Anakin's yellow eyes became yellower. "Says you!" he repeated.

"Yeah, I do say!" Obi-Wan snapped.

"Well, I have some bad and good news, master," Anakin went on, "The bad news is, I'm going to kill you. The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico." He then leapt, trying to slash at Obi-Wan. Sadly, Obi-Wan cut off his legs and other arm, and he slid down near the lava river.

"Man, that's nasty," Obi-Wan grimaced.

Anakin glared evilly at him. "I HATE YOU!" he shrieked.

"Say it, don't spray it," Obi-Wan replied. "And the feeling's mutual. Bye. Have a nice life." He turned, picked up Anakin's lightsaber, and jogged off to find Crabme.

Anakin watched him go, livid. "No, no, wait! I didn't mean, I didn't! Hey! Come back! OBI-WAAAAAAAN!"

Obi-Wan hurried onto the ship and zoomed away just as Sidiot came. He went up to Crabme, who opened her eyes.

"Obi-Wan, is Anakin all right?" she murmured.

Obi-Wan stared down at her with distaste. "Boy, you're stupider than I thought," he grumbled. "I hope your kids are smarter than you."

Meanwhile, Sidiot and a team of clone troopers searched the facility for Anakin. "There he is!" Sidiot exclaimed, looking down at a burnt Anakin. "He's still alive. Get a medical team down here, immediately!" he snapped to a few clone troopers.

They nodded and left. Sidiot hobbled over to Anakin and felt his forehead. Anakin opened his eyes and…

"AHHHHHHH!" The scream could be heard for miles. "GET AWAY FROM ME, YA CREEP!"

"Lord Elevator, it's me," Sidiot said, slightly hurt.

Elevator shifted as far as he could away from him. "You're old, and wrinkly, and scary looking!" he hollered.

Sidiot's face fell. "Dang it!" he snapped.

"But, if I could look a bit scarier, then we might be able to settle our differences," Elevator continued.

"Done!" Sidiot clapped him on the shoulder, and Elevator screamed in pain.

"Don't DO that!" he shrieked.

The med team quickly came down and carried Elevator away.

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That's it for that chapter!! Please tell me what you think. 


	43. Break out the Champange!

**Author's note: **Thank you, everyone!! This is the second to last chapter, can you believe it? WOW! I can't wait to start the next episode...

Disclaimer: See other chapter.

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**Chapter Second to Last**

Back with a very pregnant senator, a Pepsi smashed Jedi, a very annoyed Jedi, and a very, VERY annoyed Lord Organic.

"Just get her to the medical center!" Frail cried, hauling an unconscious Crabme over a shoulder.

Obi-Wan growled and yanked her off, dragging her to the ground. "NO! We will do as I say, not as YOU do!" He picked up Crabme, still unconscious, and carried her bridal style, into the… uh… medical center.

Frail groaned and slapped his forehead. "Why me? WHY ME?"

Soda, meanwhile, was supposed to be meditating. However, he was really dreaming about Pepsi and Coca-cola, with a can in each little claw. He was snoring to his heart's content. "Me like Pepsi…" he slurred.

"Master Soda!" Frail shouted, snapping him out of his dream.

Soda leapt up and screamed, "WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!??"

Frail took a step back. "Er, I just came to tell you that General Kenobi is here with Senator Dolly-Llama. But I can see that you're a busy man… so…" he high-tailed it out of there.

Soda gave him an evil glare and chugged down another Pepsi.

* * *

"I, I can't!"

"Yes you can!"

"No I can't!"

"Yes, you can!"

"NO, I can't!"

"YES, you _can!_"

"NO I CAN'T, AND DON'T ARGUE WITH A WOMAN IN LABOR!" Crabme shrieked, hurling her japor snipped at Obi-Wan, who dodged it, ducking behind a droid.

"Crabme, you have to have these babies!" Obi-Wan cried, "Or else you'll… uh… die!"

"BUT I DON'T WANNA!" She wailed, breaking down into tears. "I WANT A PEANUT BUTTER BANANA! And it's too CLUTTERED in this place!"

Obi-Wan cautiously crept back up to her side. "There, there," he began, patting her arm.

Her hand shot out and snatched his, holding onto it like durasteel. He winced and groaned in pain.

"OW, OW, OW, OW…"

"Now ya know how it feels, ya jerk!" she screamed frantically.

"Just push, woman!" Obi-Wan yelled.

Crabme did, and out came a baby boy. "FLUKE!" she wailed, "His name will be Fluke!"

Obi-Wan gaped. "That's horrible!" he gasped, but squeaked when Crabme tightened her hold on him. "I take it back, it's perfect!" he whispered, nearly fainting from the pain.

She pushed again and out came a little girl. "Leia!" she said faintly, and promptly relaxed.

Obi-Wan sighed in relief, shaking his now numb arm. Crabme turned to him and started out, "Obi-Wan, there's still hope for Anakin. He can still come back."

The Jedi solemnly nodded. "I know, Crabme. He could renounce the Dark side, hopefully. But I doubt it."

She glared at him. "That's not what I mean, stupid! I meant, he could still turn himself around and become a neat freak, like I am!" She smiled. "That would be the day."

"No, it really wouldn't," Obi-Wan muttered under his breath.

"Obi-Wan," she whispered, "Too much… clutter… can't… take it… tell… Anakin… to wash… his… dirty… socks… and wear… his… oxygen… mask." She then died.

Obi-Wan stared, blinked, and looked at the baby Fluke in his arms. "You're better off without them, you know," he said to the crying baby. He then walked out of the room and went up to Frail and Soda. "I have some good news and bad news," he said, "The bad news is, Crabmé's dead."

"That's the bad news?" Soda piped up heartlessly.

The others glared at him.

"Ahem," Obi-Wan cleared his throat, "The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico."

"Now _that's_ a cause for celebration!" Frail added cheerfully, "Let's break out the champagne!"

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A little short, but I hope it was good. Don't forget to R&R! 


	44. THE END

**Revenge of the Idiots**

**By Serena Kenobi**

**Author's Note: Well, this is it! It's finally over!! (sobs) But I have three more episodes to look forward to!! If I get positive feedback. Anyways, I'd like to thank each and every one of my reviewers for sticking with this story. MUCH THANKS! Enjoy this last chapter! **

**Disclaimer: SEE OTHER CHAPTER. **

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**Last Chapter**

After Obi-Wan, Soda, and Frail had had their celebration – er, mourning period for Crabme, they had to decide what to do with the babies.

"Hey, I'll take Leia," Frail offered. "I, at least, have some sense."

Soda glowered. "What mean you?" he snapped. "Much sense have I, man!"

Obi-Wan snickered. "Sure… and I'm a rancor."

Soda stared at him. "You are?"

"Sadly, no," Obi-Wan sighed. "If I were, you'd be long dead."

"Hey!" Soda complained, sulking.

Obi-Wan turned to Frail. "Fine, you can have Leia. Who's gonna take Fluke?"

No one answered.

"Well, I guess I could take him to his aunt and uncle," Obi-wan suggested, "Maybe they want a baby whose parents were complete idiots. Or maybe not."

"It's not the kid's fault that his parents were loony," Frail put in. "He might turn out all right."

Obi-Wan stood up. "Well, then, I'm off." He saluted, turned, and walked right into a wall. "OW!"

Soda giggled. "Such a clumsy person, you are," he chuckled.

Obi-Wan shot him a glare and stormed out of the room.

* * *

Back to Elevator and Sidiot. Elevator was screaming as his fake limbs were being put on, and Sidiot was just rolling his eyes.

"Would you calm down?" he sighed, "You're acting like a baby."

"How would YOU like to have things being put on your chopped off limbs when you're blasted AWAKE?" Elevator screeched. "I WANNA BLOW SOMETHING UP!"

Finally, when all was said and done, Elevator was in a black new suit. The helmet was put on, and he was lifted up so that he was upright.

"Where is Crabme?" he turned to Sidiot. "Is she safe? Is she all right?" He paused. "Why is it that all of a sudden, I am talking differently? My voice sounds weird. Can I blow something up? I want some jawa juice. Can I go to the bathroom? How do I eat? HOW do I go to the bathroom? Is there some sort of tube? Where's Crabme?"

"SHADDAP!" Sidiot screamed. "Anyways, I have some good and bad news. The good news is, I just saved a bunch of money on my starship insurance by switching to Geico. The bad news is, you killed Crabme. You had too much clutter everywhere."

Elevator digested this new information. "I killed her? I couldn't have! She was alive, I felt it! There was no clutter in the apartment! I made sure that it was picked up! NOOOOO!!"

* * *

Obi-Wan took little baby Fluke to his aunt and uncle's on Catooine, and Frail took Leia home to his wife.

"What did you bring me this time, Frail?" She asked, "A necklace? Some jewelry?"

"Er, no," Frail shook his head. "A baby."

His wife blinked. "Whatever for? Why would we want one of _those _things?"

"Well, she's kind of an orphan…"

"An ORPHAN? What is this, some kind of charity house? I bet she's a low life, a nobody from who knows where, right?"

Frail shook his head again. "No, she's the daughter of the late Queen Dolly-Llama and a princess."

"Oh. Well, in that case," his wife took Leia and smiled at her. "Welcome to people of your own upper class, Leia!"

Frail rolled his eyes. "I hope she doesn't turn out like her parents… or you," he muttered under his breath, glancing at his wife.

* * *

Obi-Wan got off the dewback he was riding on and met Berflu and Sowin' on their moisture farm. "Uh, here's a baby for you," he said, pushing Fluke into Berflu's arms.

Berflu smiled. "You're the cutest stork I've ever seen," she remarked.

Obi-Wan blushed. "Uh, thanks. But I'm not a stork. I'm a Jedi Master, and this kid is the son of a nut Sith-turned-Jedi and a crazy clutter-obsessed Senator. So, take care of him, okay?"

Berflu blinked and nodded. "Well, okay. But why give him to us?"

"He's your nephew!" Obi-Wan shouted, "How many times do I have to tell you that? Geez!"

Sowin' frowned. "You never told us that before. What's the kid's name?"

"Fluke Skyflopper."

Sowin' cringed. "That's horrible? Can we rename him?"

"Nope."

"Dang it!"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Well, I gotta run. I'll be around to watch over the kid. Got nothin' else to do." He hopped on the dewback and rode away.

Sowin' and Berflu stared at Obi-Wan as he left.

"Weird guy," Sowin' said.

"You're telling me," she replied. "So, a baby, huh?"

"Just another mouth to feed," Sowin' put in sullenly.

Berflu punched him in the arm. "Be nice!"

"Sorry."

And so, Fluke and Leia Skyflopper were left in the cares of a prince and a moisture farmer. Who knew how they would turn out?

And with parents like Anakin Skyflopper and Crabme Dolly-Llama, anything could happen.

**The End.**

* * *

**And that's a wrap! Thanks everyone, and don't forget to review! **


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